Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

All my aimless thoughts, ideas, and ramblings, all packed into one site!

Say Anything… (1989)

11 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 18, 2013

That Peter Gabriel sure has a way with women.

The film follows the relationship between Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), an average student, and Diane Court (Ione Skye), the valedictorian, immediately after their graduation from high school and how they work out their social differences to become a couple. Problem is, Diane’s father, James (John Mahoney), seems to be going through some personal problems that get in the way of what they have. Still, they just so happen to be in love and know that no matter what kind of curveballs life throws them, they’re going to duck out of the way of them and keep on swinging. This movie has nothing to do with baseball, but I just felt like using that analogy.

The 80′s was a decade where high-school rom-coms ran rampant in the theaters, just about every single weekend. Some were great, and some were not so great. However, others made an effort to try and change the conventions of the rom-coms ways. Not only did they add an extra-amount of heart and depth, but actually gave us three-dimensional characters to root for as well. It’s a shame though that it had to happen during the last year of that corny-as-hell decade.

Cameron Crowe is pretty big hotshot now, but made his directorial debut here with this flick, which was a great way to start off a pretty good film-making career. There’s nothing real flashy or significant with what it is that he’s doing behind the camera that’s really worth noting in the first place, but what is worth talking about is his writing for this unlikely high-school flick. That premise up-top probably makes it seem like the same old junk where we see two little teens fall in love, have sex, do funny teenager things, run through a problem where they can’t be with one another, and end up being together by the end. That’s sort of here and sort of isn’t, but what does make this one somehow different is that it doesn’t feel fake and every single step is takes with it’s story, feels believable as if you’re watching a honest relationship bloom right in front of your own two eyes.

Teenagers having sex?!?!? NOOOOO!!!

Right from the start where we see Lloyd call up Diane and ask her out, in a weird way, we are somehow hooked and from then on, it feels like these two are spending time with each other, getting to know one another, and becoming attached to each other, in a real way that any teenager would do. Hell, not even just teenagers, I’m talking about people in general, too! This is a timeless story that shows two kids, falling in love and facing the hard-ships that usually come with young love, but the film never seems like it’s taking any cheap-shots at us to make us feel bad for these two when things start to go wrong. You believe these two together and it gives you a little warm and fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach whenever you see them together. Maybe I’m the only one who felt like that, but that’s just me showing my hopeless-romantic side. We all have it, I’m just the first to admit it.

Despite being made and taking place in the 80′s, the film still holds up and doesn’t at all feel like it’s part of that, as I stated before, “corny-as-hell decade”, which is probably a good thing because you can still watch it to this day and relate just as much as kids were doing way back when this sucker hit theaters in ’89. There’s a lot of that pre-Generation-X talk that goes down here with all of the discussions about not having a set future or anything and that’s slightly refreshing to see in a movie that came from the days where John Hughes movies kicked ass. These kids sound like real kids and aren’t trying to be the next frickin’ Stephen Hawkins, Jane Goodall, or Bruce Wayne, they’re all just being regular kids that don’t have any set plans on their future. And when you think about it, who does?

The only real set-back to this whole film was that there are essentially two stories going on here at the same time, and even though they both feel believable and honest, one still took me away too much from the other. There’s this whole story about how Diane’s father is going through scamming-problem at work and even though it fits into the story and makes you believe everything that happens afterwards, it really takes you away from this sweet love story these two have going on and it bothered me because I was enjoying watching them the whole time. Honestly, if the whole film was just about them two having a relationship, going through all of the problems that normal teens do go through when “love” comes into play, I would have had no problems whatsoever, but when you start bringing in another story to distract us from that, then it’s a bit disappointing. Then again, life is random and it seems like that’s the exact point this movie’s trying to get across from the fore-front.

John Cusack was always doing his own thing back in the 80′s and the teen/high-school genre was his area to reside in, without having to move a finger. That’s not to say that the guy didn’t own those roles, but it did seem like he was getting pigeon-holed after awhile and was in need of for a change, which is why it comes as a big surprise that he didn’t annoy the hell out of us here with Lloyd Dobbler, a role that really made him break-out of that mold and start really taking his career seriously. Why? Well, it’s because Cusack is so lovable and understandable as Dobbler, and also able to give him a sense of maturity that showed a man at the top of his game who was getting a lot older than the characters he was playing. There’s this line of sincerity that comes out almost every second he’s on-screen, and you never lose sight of what he wants, even when it seems like he even has. What was so remarkable and lovable about this character was that Dobbler isn’t your ordinary, happy high-school kid that knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life. Hell, in fact, the kid makes a point about not knowing what to do other than try and take up a career in kick-boxing. He’s just one of those kids out there that doesn’t have any motivation to make up his mind now, but what he does want to do is love and to be loved by this one and special someone, Diane.

And what a special someone she is.

Show off.

Diane is of course, at the beginning, a total priss that was valedictorian, barely talked to anybody outside of her richy-rich friend circle, and is even going to England for college. Basically, this girl does not fit Dobbler’s loner-type but they make it work through their chemistry, and mainly by how great Ione Skye is here by giving us a three-dimensional character that actually seems like a girl that would fall for this guy, even though everybody else around her has no idea as to why. It’s a shame that the last thing I saw Skye in that was remotely as big as this was a bitty-part in Zodiac, because I think she had some great skill as an actress and did very well portraying a character with so much heart and honesty that made us fall in love with her simultaneously with Dobbler.

Then again, it couldn’t have been too hard to fall for a dude that’s willing to bring out a freakin’ jukebox while you’re trying to sleep. It’s more creepy now, than it was then, but damn, if I was alive back in ’89 when this first hit the big-screen, I would have been using this on all the ladies. Heck, I still do, it’s just that the cops are more than likely to show up than the chick I’m playing the tunes for. Stupid love.

Even though his story-line did get a tad bit in the way of the actual story, John Mahoney still plays his role as Diane’s dad very well. Mahoney does a great job with this material because he plays her father, almost like a friend and the conversations they have together feel realistic and honest, just as many father-daughter relationships usually are. I would’t know because I’m not a girl (yet) but just by talking to my parents in a very honest way about my life and what I do in my off-time, I can see that a lot of this stuff feels real. Also, Lili Taylor is pretty good in her role as Lloyd’s bestie, Corey, and also made me wonder just where the hell she went with her bright-ass career.

Consensus: Say Anything… may have a few distractions here and there in its story, but Cameron Crowe’s assured-direction, honest script, and timeless story that always seems to ring true, makes it all worth it in the end and one 80′s teen rom-com you have to keep a hold onto, no matter how many times you hear that freakin’ song or some dude using it to pick up some chick.

8.5 / 10 = Matinee!!

Oh, and thanks to Cameron Crowe, we now have a quality band who gives out quality tracks such as this and this. Thanks Cam!

About these ads

1980s, 8-8.5/10, Movies 1989, Amy Brooks, Bebe Neuwirth, Cameron Crowe, Chynna Phillips, Dan Castellaneta, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Eric Stoltz, Glenn Walker Harris Jr., Gloria Cromwell, Ione Skye, Jaime Gomez, Jason Gould, Jeremy Piven, Joan Cusack, John Cusack, John Mahoney, Lili Taylor, Loren Dean, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Pamela Adlon, Patrick O'Neill, Philip Baker Hall, Polly Platt, Russel Lunday, Say Anything...

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

11 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 17, 2013

As of right now, it’s hot, it’s wet, and it’s summer, so why not?

In the summer of ’81, a liberal, Jewish camp finally comes onto their last day where everybody’s emotions are running high, low, or every which way but loose. However, not everybody’s aspirations they had for the summer got fulfilled, so for one last night, everybody decides to go crazy and as if they have nothing else in the world to worry about rather than having a good time with beer, sex, drugs, and friends. You know, the little things in life that matter. Screw all that other serious crap!

Summer camp, from what I have seen in other movies, or heard of from other people who have been to one, seems like it’s a pretty awesome place. I know, it’s probably weird for some of you out there to take in the fact that I have never been to a summer camp ever in my life, so therefore, I depend on movies like these to give me a good time as if I was right there. And from what I read, apparently writer/director David Wain has been to many summer camps but for some reason, seems like he never has been to an actual fun one with a film like this that is apparently based of his experiences.

I do have to give credit where credit’s due with this flick and say that for the most part, it can be pretty funny. There’s a lot of crazy gags going on here, zany characters flying in-and-out of the story, and random acts that are sometimes explained, and sometimes aren’t. But you know what? With comedy, you sometimes don’t need to explain what’s going on, just as long as it makes you laugh and enjoy yourself. There were many moments in this flick where I found myself laughing and enjoying myself because I could tell Wain definitely doesn’t take this material too seriously and gives us plenty of random moments that either work, or don’t. As simple as that.

PTSD has never been so hilurrrious!

Also, have always been a huge sucker for movies that take place during one full-day where almost anything and everything is possible. Always like to live life like that myself, which is even better when I see it transition-well onto the big-screen.

However, the film isn’t as funny as it should be and I think that’s because too much of this just feels like a really long, over-blown pilot to a new TV show, one that would probably be featured on the old days of MTV before Snooki and all of those other d-bags took over. 12-year old type of humor doesn’t bother me all that much, except for when it’s done right, but this film just seemed like it was trying too hard to go for that type of comedy and then would all of a sudden change itself into being a parody of a movie, that either nobody saw, nobody understood, and/or even cared about in the first place. It’s a weird mixture between potty humor and a parody, and the problem is that they never really come together to make this flick a full-feature and make it feel like it was chopped up into little, itty-bitty pieces that Wain and Co. thought would be funny. Little did they know that they were the only ones who actually got the joke.

Another big problem this film seems to have is that with a premise and idea like this film has, you would expect it to be a total wild ride of everything you would expect from a camp movie, but instead, you just get something that’s actually a little boring at times. The title sequence of this flick had me feeling like I was about to see something total insane, starting off with a bunch of camp counselors, hanging out around a camp-fire, smoking reefer, drinking some brews, making-out, and eventually, getting it on, all played to the tunes of Foreigner mind you. So basically, I was expecting something like that or the rest of the hour 30 minutes but I didn’t get that and even when there did seem to be a lot of energy in this flick, it happens and shows in certain spots. After seeing Wain’s recent flicks, (Role Models and Wanderlust), I can tell this guy has definitely upped his game on providing fun and wild moments in a film and keeping that going throughout, but it’s sort of obvious that this was his first flick as you can never tell if this guy knew what exactly he was doing behind-the-camera, other than just making a film he thought was really cool and funny. With his friends as well, which isn’t so bad, just as long as you and your buddies aren’t the only ones having fun.

Sadly, that’s what happens and it’s one of those cases where the high-faves stay on that side of the screen, and that side alone.

Never since the Avengers came out last year has there been a bigger team-up of total and complete deuche bags.

Not since the Avengers came out last year has there been a bigger team-up of total and complete deuche bags.

You would also expect a lot more from a star-studded cast like this, but somehow, they all get squandered with the exception of a few. Janeane Garofalo is alright as the head camp counselor, Beth, and she really seems to be in-tune with her comedic timing, even if this material doesn’t seem to suit her so perfectly; David Hyde Pierce essentially plays his usual role from Frasier, and is still entertaining to watch, but that stuck-up, nerdy-type doesn’t work so well here as it does with that quality show; Paul Rudd is funny as a lady-killing camp counselor known as Andy, and plays up that whole dick-head act about him very well but even he’s not as funny as he should be; Michael Showalter is here as the innocent, hopeless romantic, Coop, that seems like he should be a lot funnier and usually is, the problem is that his material just isn’t strong enough to have us care too much about him; and surprisingly, Christopher Meloni ends up being probably the funniest out of this whole gang, playing a traumatized, Vietnam-vet that talks and does more wild shit than anybody does in this whole flick. You know you’re movie is in some trouble when the dude from CSI is the funniest thing in it, then again, though Meloni’s the man and it’s about time that the dude got not just more quality-roles, but ones that showed how well he can make us laugh, because that’s a greatly-unappreciated talent of his.

Oh, and Bradley Cooper is in this movie doing something you will never, ever believe he does. It gets crazy, almost to the point of where you’re wondering whether or not your eyes are deceiving you or not. Because trust me, right here and right now: they aren’t. Bradley Cooper is in this movie, and he’s doing the most wild shit I’ve ever seen him do. Give him the Oscar now!

Consensus: Though it shines in some bright spots, Wet Hot American Summer should be a whole lot funnier, crazier, and smarter with what it jokes around about and even tries to parody. Not a terrible comedy by any means, just not as funny as it seems like it promises.

5 / 10 = Rental!!

We caught you, Bradley! Can’t run from this one!

2000s, 5-5.5/10, Movies 2001, A.D. Miles, Amy Poehler, Bradley Cooper, Christopher Meloni, David Hyde Pierce, David Wain, Elizabeth Banks, Foreigner, Frasier, H. Jon Benjamin, Janeane Garofalo, Jersey Shore, Joe Lo Truglio, Judah Friedlander, Ken Marino, Kevin Sussman, Marguerite Moreau, Michael Ian Black, Michael Showalter, Molly Shannon, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, MTV, Paul Rudd, Role Models, The Avengers, Wanderlust, Wet Hot American Summer, Zak Orth

Much Ado About Nothing (2013)

10 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 16, 2013

Would have been a lot cooler if this was the direct sequel to the Avengers.

English major or not, I think it’s safe to say that most of us out there know the general basis of Billy Shakespeare’s most famous comedy. Beatrice (Amy Acker) and her cousin Hero (Jillian Morgese), live with their guardian, Leonato (Clark Gregg). Hero is planned to wed a man named Claudio (Fran Kranz), but he comes with two of his fellow comrades, Don John (Sean Maher) and Benedict (Alexis Denisof). The former is a bit of a trouble-maker who likes to see drama occur right in front of his own, very eyes, whereas the latter actually had a past-fling with Beatrice, one that she still has not fully gotten over just yet. By the end of this crazy weekend, things might change for everybody involved.

You would think that with all of the moolah Joss Whedon (director of last year’s smash-hit The Avengers, maybe you heard of it?) raked in, he would have more than plenty of time to just sit back, chill, relax, swim in the pool, get the creative juices flowing, and take his time with life, so that he could get ready for the sequel and make it as awesome as it promises to be. Which means that you wouldn’t at all think that it was in the realm of possibility that he would not only create another movie to work with, but film it during his break. That’s right: in 12-15 days, Whedon not only created a movie (based off of Shakespeare’s most famous), but cast it, filmed it (in his LA home, by the way), and got it all locked and loaded for the festivals.

And you complain about how you couldn’t figure out how E = mc2. Big whoop!

Love at first fight. And yell. And scream. And ounce of hatred. And scold.

What’s so strange about Whedon actually adapting a piece of work that was mostly made famous by Shakespeare (that is, if you don’t want to include the adaptation with Denzel), is that the dude is so used to writing his own material the way he wants it to look, sound, and feel, that it seems like he would be totally out-of-place doing somebody else’s, especially something by Shakespeare that is literally word-for-word from the original text. However, Whedon does quite well with this material because it isn’t all about how the and what words are said, it’s more about the style and feel of it being said, emoted, and felt. That’s all Whedon gives to us here in order to keep us away from all of the Olde English, and it works surprisingly well.

Everything about the original text is here, and here to stay, but the way the film is shot, the way it looks, and the way it feels; makes you forget that you are watching a bunch of people re-enacting Shakespeare. For the first half-hour or so, I couldn’t stop trying to take in what everybody was saying, what it meant in modern-English, and how it attributed to the performance of that actor/actress delivering that line of dialogue, but after awhile; I just forgot about it and got into the story. The story isn’t anything new I haven’t heard before (hell, I read it in high-school), but what makes this adaptation stand-out among the rest is that it actually shows to us how modern and hip Shakespeare’s stuff can still be to this day, given the right cast and crew to deliver it to the masses.

You see how a story about people that love to play love games on one another, get joy out of other’s misfortunes, and can’t help but be evil and slimy still resonates with our world of movies and reality today, so it only seems proper that Whedon shows an abundance of joy and delight for what it means now. Whedon and the cast he has assembled all seem to be enjoying themselves making a movie, just for the sake of making a movie, but they also make it fun to watch Shakespeare, no matter how hard you try to put your finger on what “howareth” actually means.

If there is anything positive I have to say about this movie, it’s pretty plain and simple: it’s a fun adaptation of Shakespeare’s work. That’s something I don’t usually say since it seems as if every adaptation tries harder and harder to modernize the hell out of the material with poppy-tunes, flamboyant tricks, and style-points galore. Basically, I’m talking about Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo & Juliet. Sorry to single you out, Baz. At least you still taught me the importance of wearing sunscreen.

But as fun as everybody may seem to be having with the material, it doesn’t always work out for each and every one of them. Amy Acker and Alexis Denisof fit okay as Beatrice and Benedict, even if it feels like they didn’t display much of a chemistry when they were together. I get it, they are supposed to despise one another for awhile so that you feel as if they never have the chance of rekindling their love and going back at it, but in order for that to work, I needed more of a sexual-chemistry between the two where I could feel the flares blowing up between the two. I rarely felt that between these two and even though they seemed to have fun all by their lonesome selves sometimes, together, they didn’t do much.

Like, why is he wearing that? So drunk!!!!

The other players in this movie are good, but not as great as you’d expect. Clark Gregg is good as the odd-ballish Leonato and doesn’t really know whether or not to make up his mind if he wants to be a bad guy or not; Sean Maher seems to be really enjoying himself a tad too much as the easily-despicable Don John; Fran Kranz plays Claudio with the right amount of vulnerability and awkwardness that I imagined reading the character back in the day; and Jillian Morgese is short, sweet, and a pretty face as Hero, even if she never gets a chance to say or do anything worth being remembered for.

However, none are lead-up to the one person who steals the show from everybody else and that is the one, the only: Nathan Fillion. Fillion plays Constable Dogberry and rather than having him be this self-serious, strong, and determined dude that was all about the law and finding out what was right and wrong, Fillion does us one better and changes things up by going the goofy-route. A route which, mind you, had me laughing the whole damn time he showed up on-screen. It’s abundantly clear that Fillion seems to be channeling his inner-Mal Reynolds, but it’s also abundantly clear that the guy gets the role that he’s playing, and makes him seem like an idiot from a bad TV cop show. Fillion knows that he’s adapting Shakespeare and has a butt-load of fun with it, which makes me understand even more why the hell the guy is so loved and adored, no matter what the hell it is that he does next, negative or positive.

Consensus: Though a word-for-word adaptation of one of Shakespeare’s most famous works of all-time isn’t the most original step people might suspect from Joss Whedon, Much Ado About Nothing still seems to have fun with itself, by giving us a glance at what you can do with a modern-day version of an old-play, if you just stick it straight-laced and not try to go all crazy with your control and creativity. Just keep it simple and let that be it.

7 / 10 = Rental!!

“Yeah, you better run.” (Has nothing to do with this picture, I just wanted to say it.)

2010s, 7-7.5/10, Movies 2013, Alexis Denisof, Amy Acker, Ashley Johnson, Baz Luhrmann, Brian McElhaney, Clark Gregg, Emma Bates, Fran Kranz, Jillian Morgese, Joshua Zar, Joss Whedon, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Much Ado About Nothing, Nathan Fillion, Nick Kocher, Paul Meston, Reed Diamond, Riki Lindhome, Romeo & Juliet, Romeo and Juliet, Romy Rosemont, Sean Maher, Spencer Treat Clark, The Avengers, Tom Lenk, William Shakespeare

V/H/S/2 (2013)

12 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 15, 2013

People are still using video cameras? What about phone cameras?

Two private investigators break into his abandoned house, in search of a student who has apparently been declared “missing” by his mommy. The investigators get in the house, find out that it’s pretty creepy, but also find a stack of video-tapes that seem to have already been viewed or are just waiting to be. What these two see on these tapes is pretty fucked-up, but what’s more fucked-up is that half of the people taking this videos can’t help but put the camera down! Not even for a single second while all sorts of crazy shite is happening all around them!

I may have been in the minority with what I said about V/H/S, but I still stand by it to this day: I had a great time with the movie! Much like other anthology flicks, some pieces of the pie are better than others, but overall, it was a nice way to get me hyped-up about the found-footage genre once again, and also add some needed love and attention to it. Like I said, wasn’t perfect but sure as hell had it’s moments that made it worth it a watch, even while I sat in front of the television, hands in front of my eyes.

That’s why when I heard they were doing a second one that was not only going to be shorter, featuring less segments, and also so soon, I will admit that I got a tad bit scared, thinking that it’s one of those sequels trying too hard to cash in on the original. But thankfully, to my surprise, V/H/S 2 is just as fun as the original, however, still shows some faults that are more clearer to me now, because I know exactly what I’m going to get myself into with this one and I have the general idea of what to expect. Once again, like I did with the first, the best way to review this would be to focus on each and every segment as if they were their own thang because they actually are, they just so happen to be short and placed in the same movie. Not something a little YouTube search couldn’t fix.

Hey, you don’t know what sort of problems they may have going on in their lives. Maybe there’s a reason for them to all partake in a mass suicide.

Anyway, back to each, individual segment:

1. As our wrap-around story, we have Tape 49, that’s directed by Simon Barrett and is about the two private investigators hanging out in this obviously abandoned house, but yet, still get caught up in the eeriness of the place, as well as the tapes they find. Like with the first one, this one’s probably the weakest link of the whole movie, and not just because it continues to start-and-stop to let the other segments show up and work their magic, but because it just doesn’t make much sense and once it ends, you’re sort of left with the feeling as to “why?” I mean, the ending to this segment, and practically to this whole film, seemed like it was supposed to be the most epic and coolest thing this movie had going for itself, but was just weird and anti-climactic as hell. Hopefully they’ll explain more about this later in the 3rd (if they decide to have it), but until then; I remain scratching my head.

2. Phase 1 Clinical Trials was directed by Adam Wingard who seems to be really enjoying the whole idea of having the camera, actually planted in his retina so everything he can see, we can see as well. It’s a fun idea that’s used well for the most part, but as the dude runs throughout the house, where ghosts and ghouls randomly show up, it becomes repetitive and boring. Also probably didn’t help matters that every scare in this segment is a jump-scare that builds on the intensity of the situation by having barely anybody or anything make any sort of noise, only to turn the volume up to 100, and blind-side us out of nowhere. It’s a lazy way to scare us, and must have also been Wingard’s way of making sure we were awake early on, because this segment sure as hell wasn’t keeping us alive and kicking.

Thankfully, it gets real, real better for us and our attention-spans:

3. A Ride in the Dark seemed like a dumb idea at first, but really won me over as it got more and more stupid, whereas also getting very original with what it had to say and do about the zombie-genre. Of course, you can’t have a found-footage flick without the ones who made it up the most famous in the first place, Blair Witch directors Eduardo Sanchez and Gregg Hale, and you can tell that these two haven’t missed a step because what starts out as a bit of a dumb, unoriginal concept of a dude biking in the woods, gets bitten by a zombie, and becomes the zombie; turns out to be using those conventions to it’s advantage. The whole segment takes every zombie cliche you could ever think of (to the thirst for blood, the fact that they can’t run, are dumb, have no emotion for human-life, etc.) all gets turned upside down on it’s head and it kept me laughing, entertained, and ready for more and more blood, gore and laughs as it continued on. Whenever you hear or see a person talking about this movie, most likely the next segment I’m about to talk about will be getting all of the love and attention, but to me; this was the one that was sort of the unsung hero to me as it did something smart, with something dumb, and made it enjoyable for us all to watch. Let’s hope these guys stay with filming the POVs, and stay away from going back to regular filmmaking. They don’t need that shite!

"'Mon bitch. Bring it on, you P-O-V-looking muthafucka."

“‘Mon bitch. Bring it on, you P-O-V-using muthafucka.”

4. As I stated just a couple moments ago, everybody will be ranting and raving about Safe Haven, directed by Gareth Evans, and rightfully so too: it’s funny, twisty, turny, random, outrageous, crazy, fun, and very entertaining. The story of a bunch of filmmakers going to a secret cult and checking it all out is already strange as it is, but it continues to get nuttier and nuttier as the segment roles on and to go any further about it, would be getting closer and closer to spoiler-territory. It makes a big difference too because what this segment relies on the most, is having us not know what to expect next as Evans is practically pulling whatever he can find out of his ass, throwing it on the screen, and allowing us to pick it, if we choose so. I did, and I feel like you will too.

5. Lastly, the movie ends on another wild note with Alien Abduction Slumber Party, which is exactly what you’d expect from a title like that: a bunch of kids have a slumber party, only to have it ruined by a bunch of aliens and their abducting-ways. Director Jason Eisener definitely has the hard task of ending this flick out on a solid note, and does a nice enough job to keep us entertained and interested, but also feels a bit too goofy and stupid to really get a liking to. And just like with the 2nd segment, the horror here is mainly just from loud noises, seemingly coming out of nowhere, once things are all quiet and calm. Didn’t work well on me the first time, and sure as hell not the second. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all, now can you?

Consensus: Even if it isn’t as good as it’s predecessor, V/H/S 2 is still fun, uneven, random, crazy, original at times, and always something to look at, even if you can’t believe the stories or the people documenting them.

7 / 10 = Rental!!

Guess they didn’t have them in HD?

2010s, 7-7.5/10, Movies Adam Wingard, Devon Brookshire, Eduardo Sanchez, Gareth Evans, Gregg Hale, Hannah Hughes, Jason Eisener, Jay Saunders, Kelsy Abbott, L.C. Holt, Lawrence Michael Levine, Mindy Robinson, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Simon Barrett, The Blair Witch Project, V/H/S, V/H/S 2

Man of Steel (2013)

38 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 14, 2013

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Superman going in really, really slo-motion.

After his mother and father (Russell Crowe and Ayelet Zurer) are killed and destroyed, along with everything else on his home planet of Krypton, Clark Kent (Henry Cavill) lands on a farm in the middle of Kansas, owned by Jonathan and Martha Kent (Kevin Costner and Diane Lane). While he’s on Earth, he finds out who he really is, what his powers are, what he’s supposed to do with them, and what could be made of them. However, he those are just ideas and questions juggling around in his head, as he, nor anybody else that knows of his secret powers are quick to give the answers to any of them. So, in spite of the life-saving abilities he has as something that’s not from planet Earth, he decides to lay low with a bunch of seamen (not that type, pervs), that is, until General Zod (Michael Shannon comes back from his home planet to unleash his wrath and anger on Clark, along with the rest of the human-beings on planet Earth, some of which, especially fame-hungry journalist Lois Lane (Amy Adams), he cares about.

Superman, no matter what your stance is on the Marvel Universe, is the definitive superhero of our time. So definitive, that it’s almost way too hard to make a movie out of him, because you never know what you’re going to get right about his story, what you’re going to get wrong, what you missed completely, and what isn’t the right way to develop his story and all that he can do. He’s had plenty of movies, comic books, and even his own WB television series (top of the food-chain right there), but nothing has ever seem to really get him right in terms of the who, the what, the where, the when, the why, and all of the finer-details in between all of the sci-fi talk and hooplah.

Something tells me that Zack Snyder, Christopher Nolan, and David S. Goyer all knew this and had the bright idea that some justice needed to be done! However, they haven’t quite done it the justice that even the big man in spandex would approve himself, but he would at least give them the benefit of the doubt because they’re getting there and it’s only a matter of time until we are taken by the Clark, as much as we were with Peter and Bruce, not too long ago.

“Don’t worry, guys. I think I got this one.”

Give it some time and just let it happen. It will. If not now, then definitely, maybe later.

Where most of this “justice” comes from is in the first hour or so of this movie, that not only packs on all of the exposition and back-up info we need to, even if we already do, know about our man of the 2 hours and some-odd minutes, but gives us plenty more themes and ideas to tackle. We never think in our minds, but if somebody like Superman was to ever come into our lives; we would not have the brightest clue what to do with him, other than just push him to the side and be scared that he might just turn on you. That’s exactly the type of idea this movie touches on, and while we’re still in the period and time where our superheros are crying, more than they are actually kicking some baddie-butt, at least it can still be done in a well-deserved, original way that makes us gain more respect and gratitude for this character.

It all gets better too once Clark begins to see more of what’s on the in, rather than the out (even though he isn’t doing so bad with that aspect). The attention to detail of who this character is and why, all makes sense, seems logical, and doesn’t have you scratching your brain or throwing your hands up in the air because you felt like they couldn’t come up with anything smart, so just went with their gut-feeling and threw it all up. It works, it makes sense, and it keeps this story fresh, and full of new ideas; exactly what I expected when you got three minds like Nolan, Snyder, and Goyer on the job.

However, once things get hairy and the movie hits that hour-mark; things begin to change up a wee-bit, my friends, and not in the good way either. See, with the first hour of this movie, we really got a look and feel for Superman, who he was as a person, what he was feeling, why we should care for him, and root for him to do the right thing and stand up for Earth, even though we know that’s exactly what his brave-ass is going to do (what’s a superhero for anyway?). It’s dramatic in the way that it knows it’s a movie about a guy who flies around with a cape, but takes itself seriously enough to where you feel the story and all that it’s trying to get across, but it all goes away once the three minds I alluded to earlier, realized that they were still making a movie about “a guy that flies around with a cape”, and couldn’t have it be smart, enlightening, or a powerful experience in the least bit. It had to be loud, angry, violent, chaotic, special-effects-fueled, and most of all: a summer flick movie.

Yes, yes, yes! I know that I may be going against this flick bit too much by coming at it’s neck for being a summer flick, that is actually released in the summer, but I’m not rolling like that. What I’m angry at this flick for doing, is getting me all hyped-up, ready, and locked-up for an experience unlike any other superhero movie I’ve seen in some recent time, but what I got was something that started off with more than enough originality to soak us up, away from the sun, but got rid of them once the explosions and fighting came in. Which, trust me, isn’t a bad thing because I love the occasional beat-down as much as the next bad-ass motherfucker, but I have to say that this flick, with the way that it’s done and at the capacity it’s constantly at; it’s a damn shame. Everything was working so fine too, and then Warner Bros. had to (possibly) screw it all up.

Damn, major, Hollywood producers!

“In my contract, it says I have to do this at least once, so awwhwhwhwhwhwwhwhwhwh!!!”

But the movie does deliver on it’s goods when it comes to being an action movie, with superhero’s doing superhero-like things, it just seems like a bit of a bummer after the incredible start we got. With that taken into the mind, Snyder still does a nice job at showing all types of carnage and destruction, without ever having it look too campy or using that dreaded slo-mo of his. The man also shows that he’s more than capable of being subtle with what he wants to say, and how he wants to get his words across, without literally spelling them out on the screen or having the character say it for him. Snyder seems like he’s changing and evolving more as a filmmaker and it has me anticipate more and more what’s next to come of him and his career. And I’m not just talking about the next Superman movie, I’m talking about whatever he decides to do next as a project. No matter what, sign me up and get me a Redbull!

An aspect of this movie that Snyder handles perfectly, is the impressive ensemble he’s been able to put together. Henry Cavill leads the day as Superman/Clark Kent and does a serviceable job as the man with the big red cape, but here’s the thing about him: he isn’t given much to do. When it comes to being a superhero, having those sort of traits, and making us feel like this guy could, and would go to bat for our race of humans, had he been pushed into doing so, but he isn’t given much else other than that. Cavill’s definitely a charming, handsome-looking dude, no doubt about that one, but something still felt like there should have been more given to this guy, in order for him to really work his ass off. Just like with Snyder’s direction, I hope to see it get better and better as the sequels come piling in.

Despite her being a tad too old to play young, hot-shot journalist of the Daily Planet, Lois Lane, Amy Adams is still great because she has that fiery-attitude of hers that meshes well with the character, as well as being an equal of sorts to Superman. She doesn’t fall head-over-heels for the dude right away, it takes some time and some development to really have them fall in love, and I have to say that it was pretty damn effective by what they were able to do with them both. Nothing spectacular, but better than what we’re used to getting with superhero/human romances. Laurence Fishburne plays Perry White, her boss, and is good, but really serves no purpose in this movie other than to be Perry White who’s there to give Lois a hard-ass time, run when the shit gets heavy, and remind us that he’ll probably play a bigger part in the sequels as well. I look forward to it, but as for now; I wait and I wonder. Just like I do with everyday-life.

“Perry White”, get it? Laurence Fishburne is playing a character named, “Perry WHITE”.

A lot of people praised the hell out of the decision to cast Michael Shannon as General Zod and although I think it was a smart move since this guy can be completely bonkers when he wants to, I still feel like there’s a better performance from this dude, lying within all of the yelling and screaming. Zod definitely has a moral-dilemma here that’s supposed to make us wonder if what he’s planning on doing is the right, or the wrong thing, however, the movie only seems to touch that surface and go nowhere else with it. It’s just Zod being a dick, and although I like Shannon playing a dick, especially one that just so happens to be General Zod, it’s not like I haven’t seen this type of performance done before, done better, and done by Shannon himself.

Rounding out the rest of the cast is Kevin Costner and Diane Lane as the Kents, aka, the people who take Clark in as a wee, little boy, and both are fantastic. I thought Costner’s role was going to be shoe-horned in because he’s a big, but aging-star, but he did well with the role and provided plenty of emotion, depth, and understanding for the character of Clark Kent, that carries on mostly throughout the film. Lane is also great because she provides the same type of emotional-attachment to Clark, and never feels like she’s over-doing the earnestness. And lastly, we have Russell Crowe as Jor-El, Clark’s real daddy, and in a day and age where Crowe can’t seem to do anything right by anybody’s imagination, it’s nice to be reminded that not only can do the dude still act and have us bring some tears to our eyes, but also kick some ass when he needs to. Just stay away from the microphone, buddy, and all will be fine with your career and respect you oh so desire.

Consensus: Though it definitely starts off great, with just enough attention to exposition, character, story, and heart, Man of Steel eventually takes a detour into the loud, action-y, stupid, and brainless exercise that we’re used to getting with superhero movies, but feels like a bit of a disappointment now, knowing what could have been, and still might be, seeing what the sequels can do next.

7.5 / 10 = Rental!!

Okay, well, he just broke the vault so that's considered a robbery, right? Yep, this dude's gonna get pinched with a lifer.

Okay, well, he just broke-open the vault so that’s considered a robbery, right? Yep, this dude’s gonna get pinched with a lifer.

2010s, 7-7.5/10, Movies 2013, Amy Adams, Antje Traue, Ayelet Zurer, Christopher Meloni, Christopher Nolan, David S. Goyer, Diane Lane, Harry Lennix, Henry Cavill, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne, Man of Steel, Michael Kelly, Michael Shannon, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Rebecca Buller, Richard Schiff, Russell Crowe, Superman, Tahmoh Penikett, Zack Snyder

Sucker Punch (2011)

45 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 13, 2013

Pretty much a wet-dream for any nerd who stays in on the weekends to drool over the hotties from anime. And sex addicts that like it rough.

A girl named Babydoll (Emily Browning) gets sent to the insane asylum where she is essentially going to get a lobotomy, but before that occurs and her whole mind and memory is lost, she dreams of a world that’s as imaginative and as weird as you can get. She dreams of being a newly-affirmed dancer in a high-class nightclub where instead of dancing for rich dudes by taking off of her clothes, gets into the beats and rhythms by being sent on missions, along with her fellow strippers, where she has to kill someone or something. However, reality catches up with poor Babydoll and eventually the life she once had, begins to intersect with the one she’s dreaming of.

Since Zack Snyder’s going to apparently be changing the world with his “newer, darker version of Superman”, I thought it would be best to see just what the hell the dude fucked up with last time he made something for the screen. I never had any reason or sole-desire to see this movie, not just because of the shitty reviews or unanimous anger centered towards the movie’s material, but because scantily-clad ladies in leather, shooting guns, and killing baddies just doesn’t interest me all that much. No, it’s not because I’m a dude, that just so happens to have a dick, and actually be one as well, it’s just because that’s just not my style, yo. I’ve never been the nerd who loved anime, nor did I love video games, and nor did I love porn, aka, exactly who this movie’s made for and should only be judged by. Then again, I’m judging and even critiquing it so who am I to talk?

Give me the right time and place, I’ll be shooting something off. I mean, dammit! See what Zack made me think?!?!?

Anyway, what’s so strange about this movie is that the story doesn’t make a lick of sense and doesn’t seem to actually try to. It’s just weird and confusing, just for the sake of it. Rather than explaining why this girl goes from gyrating her hips to the sexy beats of the music, to all of a sudden being placed in a world where samurai-Nazis are causing all sorts of havoc, we are just left to sort of go along with it, which would have been fine had the movie actually taken itself a little less seriously than it was, but Zack Snyder is not really known for shits and gigs. He’s a serious dude that not only loves hid dark, bloody violence, but also loves his slo-mo as much as the next pot-head and it still shows, even if, surprisingly; it isn’t as annoying this time around.

I’ve always gone to bat for Snyder when it’s came to whatever the hell he’s put on the big-screen, so to say that the slo-mo didn’t bother me wouldn’t make much of a difference, as I think it was used well this time to add more impact onto the hits and the blows of the violence, but that’s not what matters here. What does matter here is that this story is random, strange, and confusing as hell. Yeah, you could go so far as to call it “ambitious”, “original”, and “one-of-a-kind”, and I wouldn’t really disagree with you on that, but that creative-control can only go so far. You have to give me a story/characters that are worth caring about, rather than just throwing whatever you can find at the wall, in hopes that something will stick, and if something doesn’t; well then, that nobody noticed.

Problem is, everybody notices because Snyder isn’t exactly the most subtle guy in the world when it comes to what he wants to portray or say in his movies. And yes, I am talking about the typical, man-beats-up-on-woman signature that Snyder oddly enough has in his films. For some reason, the dude likes to show women getting their asses beat to shreds by stronger, manlier dudes and as dark and disturbing as it may be for some movies; his movies make it feel more exploitative as if he wants to get a rise out of you by doing it. He does that plenty of times here, but since this is a PG-13 rated movie (don’t know how the hell that was even possible), it’s toned-down a bit more or shown off-screen. But still, shown or insinuated, the movie still doesn’t seem to make much sense of the man-on-women violence. It’s just here to up the ante in hopes that we will feel more for these ladies as they band together to fight the pig-headed men that they are constantly surrounded by.

As empowering as this is supposed to be, it’s odd in the way that it shows these ladies as nothing more than just a bunch of chicks who wear short skirts, shoot big guns, spout-out corny lines, and show some skin here and there (but not too much because let me remind you, this is PG-13 after all). For dudes that haven’t gotten any action in the 30-40 years they’ve been alive and kicking; this is no more than porn at your own disposal without the possibility of being caught by your parents and frowned-upon til the day you die, but for a dude that’s 19 and doesn’t have much to worry in terms of women or sexual-activity (I’m a pimp-daddy, basically); it seems useless. None of it is empowering, it’s just stupid.

Which means that yes, this movie can be perceived as the “so-bad-it’s-good”-type, but even that feels like a bit of a stretch since nothing here really shines above the rest. Snyder’s direction seems to be inspired with the visuals, but with a story as wacky and self-serious as this, it doesn’t matter a bit and believe it or not, the action is pretty damn fun once you get past all of the slo-mo and sure randomness of it all. But, as I said, what’s it all for? It’s obviously not to make women feel superior to men or feel as if they can take over the world, we’ve already gone by that part, so what is it for?

Even Quentin Tarantino would say, “Dude, what the fuck?”

I still haven’t been able to answer that question and who knows: I may never be able to.

And as for the ladies that have to stand-around, shoot guns, act strong and willful, but also be sexy as hell: I felt bad as hell for them since their careers are the only ones on-the-line here. Emily Browning had to practically get full-on naked, from head-to-toe after this to assure everybody she didn’t star in this; Vanessa Hudgens sort of did the same, but yet, still reminds us that she too will always be known as “that chick who dated Zac Efron when he looked like a girl“; Abbie Cornish shows up in things from time-to-time and probably has the most-respected career out of the main gals; and Jena Malone is still trying to make us forget that she was that bitchy-ass teenager who didn’t like Julia Roberts banging her daddy. I know, I sound like a dick because I’m talking more about these ladies’ careers after the fact that this movie came out, but that’s all that really matters here because their performances are nothing special, mostly because they aren’t asked to do much other than what I alluded to earlier. They do their job because they’re sexy and look good half-naked, not because they can act. Call me an asshole, call me what you will, but it’s more obvious once you actually see the movie and let it all sink in like yours truly.

Consensus: Snyder’s eye for detail and style doesn’t disappoint, but the odd, confusing, and surprisingly-offensive story in Sucker Punch does and only further shows us why Hollywood should be careful to give hot-shot, big-headed directors the chance to do whatever the hell they want to do, all because they made plenty of money at the box office already and are practically granted their time to shine on their own.

3.5 / 10 = Crapola!!

“Listen to me, honey: get the fuck away from this dude. I’ve been with him twice so far, and almost nothing good has come of it.”

2010s, 3-3.5/10, Movies 2011, Abbie Cornish, Alan C. Peterson, Carla Gugino, Danny Bristol, Emily Browning, Frederique De Raucourt, Gerard Plunkett, Jamie Chung, Jena Malone, Jon Hamm, Malcolm Scott, Man of Steel, Michael Adamthwaite, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Oscar Isaac, Ron Selmour, Scott Glenn, Sucker Punch, Superman, Vanessa Hudgens, Vicky Lambert

This Is the End (2013)

39 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 12, 2013

If the world is going to end, please let me be surrounded by at least one of these guys.

Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson and a whole slew of other celebrities and friends come to a party at James Franco’s house and what’s supposed to be just a normal, get-shitty-with-it bash, all of a sudden turns into something incredibly deadly and dangerous. It’s actually the apocalypse that is occurring, but rather than going outside and running the chance of possibly getting killed, the guys decide to stay in the house in hopes that help will eventually come their way. What actually ends up happening is that the guys get absolutely sick and tired of one another and just pray that they get killed as soon as possible.

In the year 2013, when the Wolf Pack doesn’t even seem concerned with squirting out a laugh or two; Owen and Vince can’t recapture the glory days they once had; and that the only thing funny going on with Melissa McCarthy is how a critic refers to her as a “Hippo”, it’s nice to be reminded that comedy is yes, still alive and well, and best of all: still able to make a person hold their stomach while laughing. Then again, with everybody from the Judd Apatow crew, could I have expected anything less? Seriously, everybody here has, and probably will forever always be funny, but if you put them together in one movie, with one inspired-premise that makes them have to be around each other, and give them plenty of lee-way with who the director is (in this case, it’s both Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg); then you have absolute hilarity that does not disappoint for a single bit.

Hyped it up quite enough for ya?

Somehow, something tells me that the actual party would be more horrific and insane.

Well good, because this movie is the best comedy of the year so far, and judging by what seems to be coming up in the future, probably the rest of the year. It’s well deserved too because year-after-year, we get a comedy that’s funny, makes us laugh, makes us have a good time, and reminds us why we like going to the movies, but never really does anything that’s worth remembering except for maybe a couple of chuckles here and there. Which means we rarely so often actually get a comedy that’s hilarious, is a hoot-and-a-half, and reminds us why comedies can be enjoyed so much, no matter what they’re about or who’s in them. Oh, and to make that even better; it’s an R-rated comedy at that.

It’s not a comedy that wants to appeal to a mass-audience and it’s sure as hell not a comedy that takes it’s R-rating with a grain of salt; this is a very, very hard-R, and rightfully so because when you have these dudes, playing caricaturized-versions of themselves, you need all the cursing, nudity, grotesqueness, smugness, evil, etc. you can get to really make a person laugh. In this movie’s case; it makes you laugh plenty more than you expected and that’s what I loved so much about this movie. It makes you laugh, and always has you guessing what’s going to come of next with this story, direction, humor, or just what the hell these guys are going to pull out of their sleeves next. After the first 10-15 minutes where we see Franco’s party get destroyed and there actually becomes a big-ass hole in the Earth’s crust, we are just hanging around a bunch of funny dudes that can’t take themselves as seriously as they would like to be portrayed and do whatever the hell they feel like doing next. And by “whatever the hell they feel like doing next”, I do mean, “WHATEVER THE HELL THEY FEEL LIKE DOING NEXT.”

This is an aspect of movies, never mind comedies, that we rarely see and it’s so hard to actually see a movie as blatant and obvious as this to take full-on pleasure in it. And trust me, I don’t mean “blatant” and “obvious” in the bad way either, I mean it in the way that these guys know that they’re making jokes out of themselves, and we know it too, so why not just join in the fun and have a couple of laughs while you’re at it? That’s how I felt throughout this whole movie, as each and every line that these guys dropped, whether it be improv or actual-dialogue written down on a page, just came at my stomach like a knife and had me howling for day’s on end. I’m still laughing thinking of some of the lines, and it’s almost too quotable to even remember. Everything everybody says in this movie, is either hilarious, random, or just so-stupid-it’s-funny, and it makes you wish that more and more comedies had the pride and joy to goof around with itself, almost as much as these guys are able to.

So, yeah, everything you’d expect to see and hear in a comedy coming from these dudes; you will see and hear. There’s plenty of drinking, dick-jokes, drug-induced trips, weed-smoking, violence, jerking-off, uses of the word “fuck”, pop-culture references (even to their own movies), and lines that come and leave so quickly, that you almost feel as if you have to watch it all over again just to see what you missed out on or what you think you heard correctly the first time, only to find out differently the second. It’s what to expect from these guys, and it only gets better, funnier, and more and more unpredictable, almost where it’s anybody’s game for the taking, it’s just time until somebody actually walks away with it all.

That’s why it’s so rare to get a comedy as brilliant and crazy as this that makes you laugh and hold your gut, but also one that still works even when it gets a bit sympathetic and action-y by the end. Since this is a horror-comedy flick, you have to expect there to be plenty of action, explosions, special-effects, and random bouts of violence you don’t see coming, but surprisingly, it works well with the rest of the tone as the movie seems to take itself just seriously enough that we are invested in what happens. It never gets serious to the point of where you need a tissue handy, but it does get a somewhat serious to where you can see that these guys still care about the story and the characters they’ve written, even if they are essentially themselves, just in a more Hollywood-ized version.

However, with top-notch comedy acts like these dudes, you can’t ever expect them to do anything serious or honest; you just have to let them roll and continue to make us laugh, which is exactly what each and every one of them does, in their own ways. James Franco plays up the whole “serious, artsy actor”-aspect to his public-image in the way that he’s obviously been the most successful and most respected out of the whole clan, yet, still acts like an idiot as if he was still playing that cool mofo, Daniel Desario. It’s funny to see Franco, who’s at the height of his career, still be able to make a joke or two at himself (I’m down for any Flyboys reference!), without really going too far that it seems like he’s desperate to gain back the respect from the comedy-crowd. Oh, and “the gay rumors” aren’t put to rest either, so take with that what you will.

Jonah Hill also plays up the whole fact that he got quite the big head around the parks when he got nominated for an Oscar those two years ago, and shows that he’s soften-up a mighty-bit since then. As time goes on though, Hill gets meaner and meaner, while still being able to maintain that softness to him that makes him so loveable, even when he is randomly being a dick. Seth Rogen is probably the one who doesn’t really get the most shine from the spot-light, but I think that was fine as hell for him since he was just sitting-back, relaxing, and directing the hell out of his buds, but also still having a great time while doing so. Even he gets a chance to make fun of himself as well, especially when, early on, a paparazzo says ”You play the same guy in every movie, right?” Classic, classic line.

They even get him to do the laugh. Yay!

“Stop, stop, stop! Let me fetch my make-up before you get this shot. Why? Cause I’m James Franco beitch!!!”

Jay Baruchel plays what is essentially the Canadian outsider of the group that hasn’t really connected much with any of these guys, and has only lingered around Rogen for so long, that it’s almost became smothering. He’s funny, even though he is typically playing the straight-dude who’s thrown into a do-or-die situation with a bunch of idiots. Fun idiots, but idiots nonetheless. Danny McBride shows up and acts like the self-centered dick who’s upset with cumming everywhere like you’d expect from his latest-bouts with comedy, and shows that raw-edge we all love and know him for (except for maybe in Your Highness, which they even make another reference to as well!). And last, but sure as hell not the muthafuckin’ least is Craig Robinson as the sex-addled, black dude of the group that always yells, sweats, and says dirty things like “get your panties off baby!” Robinson is always hilarious in the shit that he does, which is why it’s such a joy to see him back in his prime, without anybody telling him exactly what to do and how to do it. He just free-balls it, and surprisingly comes up with the biggest laughs of all.

Of course, the movie is cameo-central which, as you could probably tell by the trailer, is hilarious and as unpredictable as the rest of the movie (Michael Cera’s as the coked-up, sex-fiend version of himself had me laughing long before the 20 minute mark). However, the movie doesn’t focus on that as much as you’d expect, and instead stays with these guys throughout the whole movie and shows that even though they have changed, gotten a bit more serious with their careers, and have “sold out” in ways they didn’t expect to when they first started out as young, brass, and ambitious funny-men, that they are still there for one another and will go-to-bat for anyone. Granted, there are on-screen relationships in this movie that aren’t as friendly (Franco and McBride hate each other and show it in probably the funniest scene out of the whole movie), but it’s the under-lining thoughts and feelings that count. You can tell that everybody here loves hanging out with one another and using a movie as an excuse to hang-out and pal-around, but whereas other times, it feels manipulative and cheap; this time, it feels right and deserved. Well deserved, actually. Keep comedy alive, guys. Please!

Consensus: Like with most comedies of this nature, it’s usually more sporadic than it is gut-bustingly hilarious, but with This is the End, it doesn’t matter since the comedy, as well as the rest of the movie, fires on all cylinders, takes no names, leaves none in return, and has you laughing until you seriously don’t know what’s next for these guys to make fun of. Then they make fun of it, and have you laughing even more since they pulled it off, and did it with flying colors.

9 / 10 = Full Price!!

No comedy, nor movie, is complete without the signature Craig Robinson yell. Comedy gold.

2010s, 9-9.5/10, Movies 2013, Aziz Ansari, Danny McBride, David Krumholtz, Emma Watson, Flyboys, James Franco, Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel, Jonah Hill, Judd Apatow, Kevin Hart, Martin Starr, Michael Cera, Mindy Kaling, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Paul Rudd, Rihanna, Seth Rogen, This is the End, Your Highness

Marie Antoinette (2006)

15 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 11, 2013

Just eat cakes! Who cares if she said it or not!

If you were the one who fell asleep during “the French portion” of World History Class, don’t worry; this movie has you covered. Kirsten Dunst plays the Archduchess of Austria and soon-to-be Queen of France from her beginning days where her and her husband, Louis XVI (Jason Schwartzman) struggle to bang and get pregnant, to the latter where she had a whole country demanding her head. Funny how time changes, isn’t it?

Even though I know the song about her, and I know the (untrue) statement she apparently made, I still know a lot about Marie Antoinette; who she was, what she did, and all of the other background shizz about her. No, it’s not that I’m some weird dude who enjoys looking up historical figures, it’s mainly because the class I’m taking now for college, just got done covering her, France at the time, and the aftermath. So, yeah, basically: I know my shit.

Apparently, by the looks of it, Sofia Coppola doesn’t. There were plenty of times in this flick where I wanted to slap her, or slap something by all of the historical inaccuracies here, solely for the fact that it probably would have helped the film. I get that Coppola couldn’t be any less concerned with the nitty-bitty details of M-A’s life, but when you have a movie that’s focusing on making her a sympathetic/real person; you need to have all of those details in there and not simply make random shit up. I don’t mind when a movie does that just for shits and gigs, but it didn’t feel right here. It felt like Coppola tried to do whatever she could to keep this movie fun, entertaining, and interesting, but even taking liberties with the story didn’t seem to help either. Something else was going on here that I still need to put my finger on.

Ehh, I’ve seen bigger and more lush!

Coppola has that certain style to her directing and writing that works wonders, and other times; totally misses the mark. Here’s one of the latter-instances. Coppola is a gifted-filmmaker in the way that she is able to tell a story and an emotion, not just through having the characters say something, but by giving us a visual or a single-shot that convey whatever it is that she wants to convey. She’s one of the very-rare filmmakers that can do that now, and actually get away with it without being labeled as “pretentious”, “snobby”, or “an artsy-farsty mofo”. However, it doesn’t aid in her in anyway here, and makes the story seem duller instead.

For instance, there are plenty of scenes where it seems as if Coppola didn’t really seem to worry too much about the story, and decided to focus on what made the movie look pretty. It works, that’s for sure, but it does seem like over-kill and a bit of a waste, considering that this is a 2 hour film, that’s primarily dedicated to shots of Dunst playing in the grass and looking happy. Once again, doesn’t matter if you want to pull off a good shot once or twice, but when it starts to take over the rest of the movie and get rid of the substance, then it gets dull. Very, very dull.

But I can’t talk too much crap on Coppola and her visuals, because she does a hell of a great job with them. Not only is this movie beautiful from head-to-toe, but it’s also very impressive by all that it was able to capture on film. Apparently Coppola was actually able to film in and out of the actual Versailles, which is an opportunity that Coppola does not take for granted, considering she makes us feel as if we really are with all of these high-class, royal S.O.B’s, and watching them as they party, drink, smoke, have sex, fondle, and play games as if they were at a P. Diddy party.

Oh, and they are all doing it to the sweet tunes of whatever the hell Coppola had on her iPod at the time of filming. In the beginning of the flick, we get a bits and pieces of actual, alternative-rock songs playing somewhere in the background, but for the most part; Coppola keeps it cool with the anachronisms. Then, out of nowhere, Coppola seems to have had enough with 18th Century ways, and decides to unleash what she’s got ringing in her ears, and it’s all thanks to that Bow Wow Wow song that you’ve heard a million times (and done better by this guy, by the way). After this track comes seemingly out of nowhere, then Coppola goes ball to the walls with any punk rock/alt. rock song in the history of man that she can find, and it works more than it doesn’t, because it actually glues you into the party-atmosphere that these snobs seem to be reveling in. Goes to show you that Tarantino and Luhrmann aren’t alone when it comes to using songs randomly, but perfectly to fit a tone.

The fact that Coppola was able to make this story more centered towards M-A, what she went through, how she got through it, and all of the problems she had to overcome, worked in most areas, but didn’t in others. The areas that it did work in were all thanks to Kirsten Dunst as M-A because she gives not only a great performance that shows her being young, nimble, wild, and free to do whatever she wants and (sort of) get away with it, but it’s also a very subtle one in the way that she’s able to convey so many feelings this lady must have been going through in real-life. The fact that M-A was so young when she got married, was forced to get pregnant, and basically thrown on the throne as queen is something that makes you think about how she got over all of it, but also makes you feel for her a bit, the same way you would want someone to feel for you, had you been thrown into the same situation. This part of the character is where Dunst works best in and once the movie decides to drop the champagne, the cakes, and the sex-games, then that’s when Dunst decides to take herself a bit seriously and you see a young girl who has seemingly come into her own. However, as we all know: it was too little, too late for her.

“Not tonight, honey. Maybe next year.”

In a role that seemed more like an in-joke, rather than anything worth even taking seriously, Jason Schwartzman does fine with what he has to do as Louis XVI, but the movie isn’t all that bothered with him or his character. The whole first-half of the movie is practically dedicated to him just being a pansy, not being able to make love to his wife, and knocking her up. Once that’s all said and done with, then the guy is shown as a pansy who can’t keep his wife satisfied and basically allows for her to stay at these parties where she (presumably) bangs other dudes. Don’t know how much of that is actually true, but from what I’m able to gather: Louis XVI was a bit of a wimp.

The rest of the cast is fine and seem like they had a great time going on the set for a little play-date they liked to call dress-up. Rip Torn plays the philandering king to perfection because he’s grimy as you could imagine; Asia Argento loves scumming it up as the whore that the king is philandering with; Judy Davis does her usual, weird-face thingy that we all know her for; and Steve Coogan is here as well, but not really doing anything funny. When you have “The Coogs” in a movie, I don’t care what it is: you have to make him do or say something in the least-bit funny. Without any of that, what’s the point of even having him around in the first-place? Just for show? Baloney!

Consensus: Coppola’s style and vision slows the feel and pace of Marie Antoinette down, especially when it doesn’t need to, but at least it’s still left to be seen with it’s beautiful look, desired-attention to the finer-details (talking about the set-pieces, not the actual story), and fine performance from Dunst in the lead role, that showed that she was maturing more and more by the roles she began to take.

5.5 / 10 = Rental!!

"One day, you're going to grow up to be a royal, pain-in-the-ass, just like your mother was."

“One day, you’re going to grow up to be a royal, pain-in-the-ass, who wasted all of her country’s money on lavish parties to satisfy your boredom.”

2000s, 5-5.5/10, Movies 2006, Asia Argento, Aurore Clément, Baz Luhrmann, Clementine Poidatz, Danny Huston, David Walliams, Guillaume Gallienne, Jamie Dornan, Jason Schwartzman, Jean-Christophe Bouvet, Judy Davis, Kirsten Dunst, Marianne Faithfull, Marie Antoinette, Mary Nighy, Mathieu Amalric, Molly Shannon, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Quentin Tarantino, Rip Torn, Rose Byrne, Sebastian Armesto, Shirley Henderson, Sofia Coppola, Steve Coogan, Tom Hardy

The Kings of Summer (2013)

14 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 10, 2013

It’s the dream every kid before the year 2000 had. Now, they just want to play COD.

Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso and Moises Arias star as three teenage friends who, tired of living with their constantly-nagging parents, decide to build a house in the middle of the woods during one summer. As the boys soon find out, it’s harder to be on your own, whereas the parents find out: they are just as crazy as they thought they were. Yeah, can’t find anything deeper than that. Sorry.

Most movies about kids usually show one thing and that’s how they all want to be their own type of grown-ups. It never works, but it always amuses us on-lookers due to the fact that we know that half of the crap we have in our lives and are able to do, wouldn’t be possible without our parents/family. However, you can’t tell that to the rebellious teen who’s expecting summer to be the time for him/her to shine and come into their own. I was one of them, and I soon learned: jeez, I love my mommy and daddy. As much as they drive me crazy, I know that I would be nothing without their help and support, so why the hell do these kids think that they can get past that long-lasting virtue!?!?? Those spoiled brats!

Whenever I see a movie like this that concerns young teenagers, being exactly that, I can usually connect considering I was one not too long ago. However, these kids I couldn’t really connect with all that much. It wasn’t because they were the nerds in school that spent more times stuffed in their lockers than in actual class, but I think it’s because the movie didn’t really give them any type of personalities that were more than just your typical, cliché. There’s one guy who’s just the standard kid, who’s chasing after this chick who’s stuck with the older, d-bag that’s holding her down; another kid that has parents that drive him ridiculously-insane; and lastly, there’s the weird kid that says nutty things, does nutty things, and has an even nuttier-reason for doing the things that he does (just to let you know, the reason is there is no reason: he just does it). It doesn’t really go any deeper than that with any of these kids and even though they seem like the type of kids I could meet in school, say “hi” to, and forget that they were even involved with my day, it still doesn’t make them the types of kids that I want to watch in a movie, let alone one about how they break out of their shells and get wild in the forest.

In a world where hipsters have finally taken over; then, and only then, I could believe these three being friends.

For me, that was the biggest problem for me with this movie. I don’t know if it’s a point of character or what it is with me, but these kids didn’t strike me as ones that interested me, had me feeling for them when they were being annoyed by their parents, and they sure as hell didn’t do much for me in believing that they could stay out of the world of technology, where Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram reigns supreme. Seriously, if you took three types of kids out their element, placed them in the middle of the woods, gave them a house with little to no electricity to support their asses; they would go completely insane. That’s rarely touched on here, and it seemed strange, especially when the movie seems as self-knowing about it’s premise and characters as it does.

That’s not to say I didn’t hate the movie, it just disappointed me in a way. I expected this to be that one “smart” movie about kids being themselves, and letting loose of all insecurities, but it wasn’t. Instead, I just got a movie that seemed more concerned with straining itself to be funny, show that nature is awesome, and also, be able to show that you should always stay with your mommy and daddy, no matter how much they may tick you off with their constant love and smothering. Well, because you know: having parents that love, care, and support your ass throughout every stage of your life blows, doesn’t it? Give me a break!

However, it’s not as bad as I may make it sound. In fact, I’d say that the movie still allowed me to have a good time, despite it not really delivering on many of the marks that usually make a movie like this, work for me. The characters don’t feel like memorable, but it’s the energy of summer that does. That feeling you get in your body when you know that just about everything and anything is possible, you can pull off any types of havoc or debauchery and be fine at the end of the day, is exactly what summer is all about and was practically made for, which is what type of presence this movies gives off. It reminded me of why I love summer so much (seriously though, which kid doesn’t?!?!?), and since it’s here; it makes me jitter-bug even more, as I type each and every word out.

Well, that and the fact that I’m still recovering last night. Holy shit.

So, basically: if you want a movie that you want to remind what it’s like to live in the feel of summer, and be young and wild again; then this is the film for you. That may be all that it’s worth remembering for, but at least that’s better than nothing. Can’t say I hated the film for that and it took me away from liking it more, but it definitely didn’t win much points for me either. It was just there, on the screen, having fun with itself, while I sort of sat there and wish I was having as much fun as these kids. God, what it would pay to be young again. And fun, too. I miss those days. Wah.

The homeless person’s version of Rock Band.

Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso and Moises Arias seem like they have much promise when it comes to their future film roles, however, they didn’t get much of a good start here. It’s nothing against them as actors, because they all do fine, it’s just that their character don’t seem to be as fully fleshed out as the film may have it seem like. Robinson is a bit dull as the type of kid that just goes about his day, gets slightly-picked on, and never sticks up for himself; Basso is fine as the one kid who just does his thing, doesn’t get in anybody’s way, but is extremely cool with his out-look on life, even if it is a bit ordinary; and Arias is the weirdo of the group, Biaggio, who’s fun to be around because of the manic energy he brings to the table. They all have good rapport together and seem like the type of kids that would be friends and do something like build a house out in the middle of the forest, but only one stood-out for me (Biaggio), and even he seemed like a one-trick pony that the movie, as well as the characters, loved to point at every so often and show us what a cook-ball he truly is. Funny for about 2 scenes, but gets old, REAL QUICK.

The adults probably fare better in this situation, and even they feel like they can get the shorter-end of the stick at times. At times. Nick Offerman is the best out of the whole cast for the sole fact that he was able to make me forget that he was playing a character, that reminded me exactly of Ron Swanson. Offerman is good as the father of the main kid who starts this whole plan and idea, because he’s able to have us gain sympathy for this lonely, depressed dude that seems to have lost it all in his life, but doesn’t want to lose his son. So, therefore, he tries his hardest to keep control of him, anyway he can. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. What matters though is that he cares and loves his son, which is why he stole the movie for me. His real-life wife, Megan Mullally, is here as a mother of another one of the kids and is fine being goofy, but I think enough is enough with these two love-birds showing up in the same movies. I get it! They are married, love each other to death, and support one another on every decision (aka, movie) the other one takes, but separate yourselves for a bit, for godsakes!

Consensus: The Kings of Summer will make most people feel happy, young, and fun inside, but that’s not because the characters are three-dimensional or the plot-scenario is memorable in the least bit, it’s just because the movie is about summer, that also happens to feature kids living out on their own, but also not forgetting to learn some real important life-lessons along the way. Just go home, hug your mommy, or your daddy, or whoever the hell is closest to you and be happy.

6 / 10 = Rental!!

Hey, you may not be able to live there anymore, but it sure as hell makes a great place to take the girlfriend back to when the rents are home. Am I right, hormone-fueled, teenage male?

Look at the bright side, you may not be able to live there anymore, but it sure as hell makes a great place to take the girlfriend back to when “the ‘rents” are home. Am I right, hormone-fueled, teenage male?

2010s, 6-6.5/10, Movies 2013, Alison Brie, Chris Galletta, Gabriel Basso, Jordan Vogt-Roberts, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Mary Rajskub, Megan Mullally, Megan Mullaly, Moises Arias, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Nick Offerman, Nick Robinson, The Kings of Summer

The East (2013)

4 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 9, 2013

Can’t trust those Occupiers! You never know if one of them just so happens to be a vampire.

A secret informant, Sarah Moss (Brit Marling) who works for a group of private companies trying to protect their image and sales, is assigned her latest task: which is to go undercover, and become one of the members of the extremist group known as “The East”. They are lead by a charming, yet inspired leader (Alexander Skarsgård), and thrive on showing all of these companies for what they are. However, Sarah knows what needs to be done and will not stop at anything, until she stops this group from completing their final “jams”. But that’s easier said then done, especially when love and morals come into play, which is exactly what hits Sarah clear in the face.

Here’s one of those movies that seems like it could literally be happening right now, right from underneath our noses, but we would never know about it. Why? Well, that’s because there’s some form of rebellion going on everywhere in our world and it would be almost no surprise to me after awhile if the government starting cracking down on some of these groups/organizations, for causing what they consider “acts of terrorism”. Whether or not I actually believe in that, will be totally left up for you to make up your mind’s own, but that also means that a movie like this has it’s homework done already for itself. All it has to do is tell it’s story, gives us it’s characters, and give us it’s reasons, and not fuck up.

Somehow, the movie couldn’t hold up it’s end of the bargain.

God forbid she actually see the creepy, fogged-up woods she’s getting taken into. Because you know, she’d totally be able to identify them.

But, that being said, the movie still does start off pretty damn well if I don’t say so myself. What director Zal Batmanglij (good thing I’m typing that, and not saying that) does well is that he gets us involved with the story right off the bat, by showing us what these extremists are all about. They’re a bit inhumane, but, they also show what they are doing for a reason so maybe, just maybe there is more to them then just simple, old-school rebellion. And there is, but Batmanglij still likes to keep us wondering where this story is going to go next, and what areas of it’s message is it going to focus on.

There’s plenty of humanity to be found within these activists, but what really makes them work as a whole is that the causes that they are fighting for, feel honest and not a bit for show. They really do feel like their environment is being cheated out of a system that’s mean-spirited, corrupt, and impure to the rest of the world that surrounds them. When any movie tries to tackle a subject like this, I get terribly annoyed as it just comes off as a piece of “preaching, in the form of a movie”, but this movie handles it well because it shows both sides of the coin very well, with enough attention and care to what the one side, says to the other, and vice versa.

The idea that these activists are torturing and doing harm to these corporate big-heads for the same type of shit that they accuse them of doing, does get brought up many times and you have to wonder: who’s right and who’s wrong? Well, the activists have a reason to be mad and you can see why they would want to put an end to the pain and suffering that is being caused, but is their way, the right way? Or, is it simply the only way to get shit done?

The movie continues to rattle that question around, almost as much as you’ll be doing the same in your head, and it’s only made better by the fact that the movie feels like it could go anywhere, at anytime, with just about any character. Everybody gets their chance to show what they really mean to the group, and who they really are underneath all of the anger and rebellion, which makes it enough for us to at least care about what it is that they decide to pull off next, and whether or not they will come out alive or unpunished for their ways. Brit Marling has this certain feel to her as an actress that makes her almost feel like she’s up in the sky with the birds and pretty clouds, but here, she feel like she’s brought back down to Earth where she can at least get done, whatever she is told to, and lets up for no one. Obviously, she gets wrapped up into all of the hum-drum of these activists and see why their way is sometimes the better way, but it feels more realistic and believable with Marling in the role, rather than some other cute, air-head that could have made the character barely passable to watch.

Playing the leader of the group she’s over-watching, is the incredibly-tall Alexander Skarsgård as Benji, the world’s least-intimating male name. Skarsgård was okay as the leader, because he’s able to convey a sense that he’s a nice dude, underneath all of the evil-looks and thoughts. However, it was conveyed in a way that made him that way, just so it could give him and Marling’s character a reason to bang and fall in love. It didn’t feel like it was needed for the story, if only for that, and didn’t really give him a clearer-enough arc. If anybody deserved to be banging Marling’s character, it was Toby Kebbell as one of the most-important members of the group, who used to be a doctor in Africa, until he was surprisingly harmed by one of the medicines he was given over there, making him shaky and twitchy all of the time. This physical set-back already makes the character seem sympathetic, but the way Kebbell brings out more and more humanity out from within this guy, really makes you feel as if he’s the one who deserves all of the good things in the world, even Marling’s tush.

Hey, can’t go wrong with that, right?

“Pass it to the right, man.”

But as three-dimensional and well-acted some of these characters may actually be, the plot is what really matters here, which makes the ending all the more disappointing. See, if you were paying attention, you may have noticed that the big idea behind this flick was whether the group’s ways of handling their acts of rebellions were right or not? Well, as much build-up and details the movie may have given that message throughout most of the run-time, is all slapped-down by the last 15 minutes in a way I did not expect to see coming. And not in the type of way where I liked the surprise, but in the way where I thought it was a cheap way of getting out of being anything remotely close to insightful, or thought-provoking into where it went.

Can’t say much else other than that, but everything leading up to that was pretty solid in it’s way of getting me involved with it’s characters, their motivations, and what each and every one of them had to say, but the movie shakes a blind-eye towards that all. It sort of makes you feel like the first hour hour and 45 minutes, was made for nothing else other than a bunch of things to make you think, only to have them thrown out of your mind, as soon as things get really complicated for these characters and the movie itself. I guess the movie didn’t want to really offend anybody that may care for this type of material, but there could have been more of a thought-process into what could have been the best and most effective way to go out. The way they chose: nowhere near it and ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth going out. Poor me.

Consensus: There are plenty of ideas, thoughts, and feelings that The East plays with, as well as a relatively-compelling plot-line, but it all gets shut-down after about the hour and a half mark, and then all of a sudden; the movie doesn’t seem to care for any of those elements anymore, and just wants to play it safe without really going any deeper.

6.5 / 10 = Rental!!

They bonded so much during filming, that they actually joined Occupy Wall Street. Nah, jaykay. They went back to their 6 bedroom houses, took a dip in their in-ground pools, and drove their fine Lamborghini’s around town.

2010s, 6-6.5/10, Movies 2013, Aldis Hodge, Alexander Skarsgård, Billy Magnussen, Billy Slaughter, Brit Marling, Ellen Page, Julia Ormond, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Patricia Clarkson, Shiloh Fernandez, The East, Toby Kebbell, Zal Batmanglij

The Internship (2013)

31 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 8, 2013

Somehow, dudes that are getting paid millions and millions of dollars to play people that are working and not getting paid feels a bit disingenuous to me.

Best friends and co-workers, Billy and Nick (Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson) find themselves stuck in a rut. On a business trip, they find out that not only has the company they’ve been working for all this time, not only folded, but is not referring them anywhere else to work. Without any real direction of where to go next, they both decide to take one step in the right direction where most people in this world seem to be going and that’s to Google itself. Well, not exactly. You see, these guys aren’t getting jobs there just yet, and instead, have to go through a summer-long, non-paid internship where they will see what to do and how to do it, in order to make the big bucks in the 21st Century. Problem is, Billy and Nick don’t really know what the hell they are supposed to do with half of this shite, let alone work a computer.

Back in the day, around let’s say 2005, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson we’re the biggest names in comedy, minus a few others. Wedding Crashers was a hit and continues to have people laugh their asses off even until this day. The problem was, that was 2005 and the chance to act all wild, slightly-young, crazy, wacky, and manic, was all accepted because this is who they were and they were just soaking up the sun, telling everyone, and living life to it’s fullest. However, 8 years later, the act is sort of stale and feels like it’s two dudes that have yet come to the realization that not only are their bodies getting flabbier and their hair is getting a bit gray, but they also can’t continue to act like their young, wild, and nutty anymore. They have to actually be and act like considerable “adults”, and it’s not an act that they can hold for very long.

I get it, they're using a vid-chat, but they don't know how to because their old!!

I get it, they’re trying to use vid-chat, but they don’t know how to because their old.

And that’s the whole joke behind this movie: the fact that these guys are old, still trying to be hip and cool, but just don’t “get it”, in the sense that everything that was awesome and rad back in the 80′s and 90′s, is soooooooo lame. It’s a joke that works well for about the first 5 minutes, and then these guys get to the actual Google headquarters where not only is every kid there absolute dicks to them, but unrightfully so too. Because these guys are old, are practically taking this internship on a whim, and don’t really know all of the insanely-nerdy computer lingo like each and every one of them do, that means you have to complete assholes to them? I mean are they nice guys? Or do they walk around, spit on people’s faces, kick them in the ass, liter, not recycle, commit havoc, and forget to flush? Well, nope to that as well.

Basically, these guys aren’t mean in spirit or nature at all. They are corny and trying a bit too hard to be cool again, I’ll give them that, but they aren’t bad dudes, so when every kid that they met at this internship practically threw their fists and saliva in their general direction, I thought it was a little strange considering where this movie goes with it’s message and what it’s exactly trying to say about the generation we live in. You know, the one generation where everybody sees how trashed you got at that concert through the pictures on Instagram and/or Facebook, what political affiliation you consider yourself apart of because of the tweets you make, and where it takes a total of 2.4 seconds to find who was the 23rd President of the United States just by a little bit of typing in that search box.

By the way, the answer was Benjamin Harris. Didn’t take me long to find it either.

But that’s the type of movie we’re dealing with here: it wants to teach us about the old ways of living your life without being run by technology or any stupid, new-age crap like that, and just living, man. And that whole idea the movie continues to spout-out at us wouldn’t have been so bad if it was a comedy that was actually funny in the least bit. However, it’s not and instead takes the same joke that these guys are old, out-of-touch, and a bunch of lamers that somehow refuse to get with the times, and tells it time and time again. Oh, but also not forgetting to remind us that this movie is taking place on the actual Google headquarters, where apparently everything that’s right, beautiful, and fine with the world, occurs there and nowhere else.

Which means, yes, as you probably suspected; this movie is nothing more than a shameless recruiting video for Google, how their internship-process works, and how you too, if you have enough ambition, perseverance, and belief in yourself, can get a job there and start joining in on all of the peacefulness and fun. And hell, if I was to base this movie on that regard, then I’d say the movie did it’s job, and did it quite well mind you. It gets us to feel like Google is the place to work and even if you don’t know what the hell “Ctt” means, you can still continue to learn more and more about it, and eventually get the job, the money, and the happiness that you oh so desire in life. However, this is not a recruiting video for possible interns, but is actually a full-length, feature film that’s supposed to make you laugh, make you happy, make you think, and make you go about your day in a positive, meaningful way.

Well, then in that regard: the movie fails. I can’t say it fails miserably, but it’s noticeable right away that this movie just does not have the juice to keep it going for 2 whole hours, and is going to try it’s hardest to rest it’s shoulders on the talents of Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, but here’s the problem: they’ve lost their touch too. I’ve always liked to consider myself a real fan of these two guys, even in their darkest days, but I honestly cannot remember the last time these two really blew me away in something that they were together in, or, were separate and trying to be funny in. Of course, they both had their battles with dramatic roles that have been more successful than one might have suspected (Wilson with Midnight in Paris; Vaughn with Into the Wild), but last time I checked; I can’t remember either one of them really having me holding my gut, except for those eight years ago that we all know about.

I’d party with Vince and Owen any day of the week, I’d just tell them not to argue how the original Footloose is better than the remake.

That said, they both try their nearest and dearest to make the slightest ounce of this material work, but all of the wit, all of the charm, and all of the humor that was once placed in their souls and never seemed to stop working; has all of a sudden broken down and been ran-out. And this time, I think it’s for good. It’s sad to think about considering these guys were once on top of the highest mountain when it came to comedy, but now that they’re older and supposed to be more wiser, smarter, and knowledgeable about where their lives have gone, you expect more. You expect these guys not to try and phone it in; you expect them to at least give it their all and make something seem funny; and best of all, you expect them to understand what is funny and what isn’t. But neither of them do, which makes it harder and harder to watch, as if they were two jocks that got back together to chat it up and hang out after all of these years, and still act as if they were as cool and sexy as they once were. They aren’t, and it’s sad to see.

Don’t be fooled though, because these two aren’t the only ones that aren’t funny: barely anybody else here is worth mentioning either. Will Ferrell shows up for all of 5 minutes, gets a chuckle or two, but really seems to be over-doing his d-headed act; Rose Byrne’s a bore as the apple of Wilson’s character’s eye, and it gets painfully obvious between the two; Max Minghella has some sort of British accent that’s supposed to make him seem more like a smart snob, but just has him come off as a dick that nobody, absolutely anybody would want to be around, let alone work with; John Goodman has about a scene or two and is just chewing-up the scenery with his beard and all; and the kids who played the fellow interns that Billy and Nick work with each have their fair share of good moments, and bad ones too, but it’s more of the latter since the material isn’t funny, and none of them really seem to get off the right foot from the beginning, and get back on the good one. They are just young, trying to get a job, and just as inspired as Billy and Nick, they just don’t go shouting out about it from the roof-tops. They just tweet, make a status about it, or text their friend who replies, “LOL lyke awkward.”

Consensus: The Internship‘s problem isn’t just that it isn’t funny, but never knows it isn’t so instead of actually trying to go somewhere else with it’s story, it continues to hammer in the fact that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, at one time, were hilarious dudes that you just had to see no matter what film they were in. Problem is, times have changed and so has the laughs.

3 / 10 = Crapola!!

Pictured: heaven

2010s, 3-3.5/10, Movies 2013, Dylan O'Brien, Footloose, Google, Into the Wild, Jessica Szohr, Joanna García, John Goodman, Max Minghella, Midnight in Paris, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Owen Wilson, Rose Byrne, Shawn Levy, The Internship, Vince Vaughn, Wedding Crashers, Will Ferrell

The Purge (2013)

50 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 7, 2013

Please let this happen so I can unleash the beast. And no, not my penis. That’s always unleashed.

It is the year 2022, and our story takes place in upper-class, white America where a small family lead by Mary and James (Lena Headey and Ethan Hawke) talk about their day and joke around with one another, all over a finely-cooked dinner. However, this night is different. Very different in fact, mostly because tonight is the night that everybody in America knows as “The Purge”, a 12 hour window in which all crime is legal, in the hopes that it will not only cure any type of anger or frustrations fellow Americans may have across the country, but knock down crime, unemployment, and poverty as well. It seems to be working, but as this small, well-meaning family is about to witness: the night is about to get very, very wild.

When it comes to making sci-fi/horror movies about the dystopian future we may, or may not, have come to reality any time soon; this movie definitely ranks up among the most interesting. By the way our countries been going as of late, it would be no surprise that the government would begin to start and let stuff like this just happen, rather than spending all of their time and effort just prolonging the problem. Hell, it would definitely put down some boundaries with gun-control too, so therefore: almost everybody would be happy. Then again, I’d be very surprised by our government if they allowed something as vial and inhumane like “the Purge” to actually take presence in our country, but that’s not what matters when it comes to movies.

“After this is over, we really have to talk to that electricity guy.”

What matters is how interestingly you can place an idea, how well you can run with it, and how many thoughts, ideas, questions, and solutions you can have it’s audience argue about on the way home, where they can hopefully get so heated between one another that they start to get a little wild too and even go so far as to kill one another as well. A bit too crazy? Yeah, I thought so, but still, that’s what really matters with movies like these, no matter how far-fetched or insane they may truly be. It’s an interesting idea that will peak anybody’s interest to see just how it all plays out, why it works for the country, why the government continues to allow it to happen, and why the hell are so many people this angry, all of the fucking time if unemployment and crime is down?

However, those are the types of questions that writer/director James DeMonaco jots down little ideas about here and there, but doesn’t feel the need to go any further with them, other than to present us with them and have us think, “Wow. Heavy stuff, man.” It doesn’t work, and becomes more and more noticeable once you realize that this is more or less just another home-invasion thriller in the same vein as The Strangers or Straw Dogs, but made with a slight twist to have all of the horror-junkies go crazy over and spend tons and tons of bucks on. I’ll wait to see if it actually works, but something tells me it will because DeMonaco has really stopped us with this one. I mean that in the bad sense, too. Not in the good, “so-stooped-I-can’t-stop-thinking-about-it”-sense.

For instance, one of the main draws of this movie are the villains who seem so evil and mysterious, that they wear strange masks when they get ready to mess with and torment this family. However, they just so happen to be wearing the masks on Purge night, which means that all crime is legal, so why the hell even bother with them? But their appearance is only half of the problem, because once the killing and slashing begins, then the movie becomes just another, “don’t look behind that corner” type of movie. Not only does it seem so easy for these killers to break into this house that was supposed to be so heavily boarded-up, that almost nobody could Purge in it, but it seems even easier to get killed, if you continue to run throughout the house with a flash-light on, when it’s pretty damn obvious that the house you’re stuck in, has no electricity and is filled with masked and dangerous killers, just waiting for you at every turn.

“Hiya, I got an order for two large ones, one with toppings and one witho…..awww who am I kidding?!?! Let me the fuck in!!”

Once again, like most horror movies, the movie continues and continues to make the dumb mistakes that I hate to see, but this time it felt more serious than that. The movie has a lot of potential to be mindful of what it’s trying to say, how it’s trying to say it, and why, but it never goes any further into the subject than that. It presents the ideas and lets them scurry away, just as each and every new character is killed off in a fashion that is pretty cool and entertaining to watch in a slightly sadistic, flesh-eating way, but also feels shallow as if the movie is trying to make us feel bad for wanting to see it and being pleased once we do actually get it. It’s sort of like Funny Games in that aspect, but just mentioning that movie in the same review of this, only makes me feel like I slapped that one in the face with a knife. Sorry, Michael Haneke. No disrespect meant.

If there is any type of glue in this movie holding it together, it’s Ethan Hawke and Lena Headey who seem like they are not only too good for this material, but more thought-provoking than even itself is. Hawke is a nice fit as the upper-class, richie-rich daddy that seems to have it all but yet, also has a bit of a hot-streak that not only continues to boil up throughout this movie, but gets to a point of where it’s Ethan Hawke, like you have never seen him before. The guy’s awesome at playing a bad-ass whenever he’s called upon to act like one in many of his movies, but here; he really felt involved with it. But he doesn’t forget to show us the human-side of this dude that not only cares about his family and keeping them, as well as himself alive, but for the sake of humanity as well. If you think about it, in a world where everybody is allowed to murder and kill as much as they want, for a certain amount of time, who is he to join in on the fun? And if he does, what type of example is he not only setting for his kids, but the rest of the country as well? That Ethan Hawke, man. The dude’s a class-A actor.

Whereas Lena Headey who plays his wife, not only shares that same nobility of hers, but is more against the violence than anybody else in this movie. It’s strange to think that such a wicked bad-ass like Headey would take a character that’s probably the least, bad-ass-ish of them all, but she owns it, and shows that even though she lives in a world where crazy shite like this does occur, she too can keep her head above the water. By the end of the movie, she and Hawke’s character go through some sort of transformations that don’t seem all that reasonable and believable, but at least together, they keep the movie running, somewhat smart, and thrilling. That is, when they are on-screen and demanding it. When it isn’t them, well then, that’s when things go awry.

Consensus: The thought-provoking ideas and points about modern-day society and where we are headed, are touched on and brought up in the beginning of the Purge, but are soon thrown down the ground in place for a bunch of horror movie conventions like jump-scares, people showing up when it’s most convenient, and long scenes of people walking through lightly-dimmed hallways, not knowing who’s going to be on the other side. Yep, seen it all before, except maybe not with Lena Headey and Ethan Hawke doing all of the walking, killing, and thinking.

5 / 10 = Rental!!

If a bunch of masked, and demented killers were running rampant in my house, I too would hide under the bed. It’s so obvious, they don’t even bother anymore.

2010s, 5-5.5/10, Movies 2013, Adelaide Kane, Edwin Hodge, Ethan Hawke, Funny Games, James DeMonaco, Lena Headey, Max Burkholder, Michael Haneke, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Rhys Wakefield, Straw Dogs, The Purge, The Strangers

Sound of My Voice (2012)

13 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 6, 2013

I guess all you need to do to join a cult is know a simple game of patty cake? Sweet.

A mysterious cult lead by a woman from the future named Maggie (Brit Marling), who claims to be from the year 2054, all come together in a random basement where they speak, heal, and show comfort for one another, while also being able to see who’s worth being apart of it and who’s not. A young couple (Christopher Denham, Nicole Vicius) hear about this group through the grapevine, and decide that this is not only their time to shine and expose it for all that it is, but also do something with their lives that isn’t just sitting around, drinking beer, and being hipsters all day and night. However, like with most groups people join, they at first resent it, but after awhile, get used to all of it’s odd idiosyncrasies and become more and more glued into the world the group has created. Will it be too late until one of them notices it, and figures out what the hell is really going on?

Movies such as this not only drive me up the walls, but have me thinking about them for days on end. Maybe you could put those two claims in the same category, since most films that drive me up the wall, are the ones I continue to think about, day-after-day, but this one was a bit different. It was a bit different because it drove me up the wall for the reason that I didn’t quite get it, and in a way; I felt like the movie didn’t want me too either. It’s not that the movie kept on tricking me into believing everything I was seeing was real, but it had me tossing and turning about what was real and what wasn’t, and then, at the end: decided to give me a big old “fuck you” and make me think even more. But still, something did not seem all that right in the end. Is it just me, or is the movie itself?

No need for the cape, but whatever, it’s a cult for godsakes!

Well, the questions in my mind may continue to arise and joggle around in my mind, but for the most part, I have to say that this flick did it’s job in terms of making me feel tense and as if anything could happen. Director Zal Batmanglij does a nice job at setting this story up right at the beginning, so we know what we’re getting ourselves into, when, and why, but never answers the where and the how. Basically, all of that is left up to us to make up our minds with through either our own interpretations, or the evidence that he sometimes, or sometimes doesn’t, present us with throughout the whole movie. As I said, it’s a tricky movie to get used to for a bit, but once you do get past all of the freaky-deakey, cult shit, the movie gets better and you feel yourself more glued into what the hell is actually going on.

But, like I said before, the movie presents all of those questions and comes to giving us a reasonable-solution, but still ends very, very vague, and for a reason I’m still having a hard time trying to grip. It isn’t that this movie is confusing because I’m an idiot, wasn’t paying attention, and had the movie playing, simultaneously with my porn (although all factors might as well have been true), it’s because it’s confusing, for the sake of being confusing. Certain things happen for no reason, only to come up again later on in the movie to make you think a bit more, and literally, random shit will happen, just to happen, and be left at that. No real reason other than to make us feel like these cast of characters are bad news, and that we should be just as cautious of them as our main protagonists are.

In Batmanglij’s case as director, most of it does work, and most of it doesn’t. And when I speak of the latter, I mainly mean the last 5 minutes or so. See, this isn’t the type of movie that’s all about giving us the ultimate, breath-taking climax that’s there to make sense of everything and spell it all out for us. It’s vague, random, and quite anti-climactic. Usually, I applaud films for doing that because it does take a major pair of balls to take an audience up-and-down the road, only to throw them to the side of the curb, as if they have just missed out on something, and feel fine with yourself afterwards. However, at the same time, I still can’t help but feel like there were bits and pieces that were missing from the movie as a whole, to honestly make as much sense as it should have. Or, for that matter, to have the ending hit me more like a ton of bricks than it should.

I don’t know if the blame is to be solely on Batmanglij and co-writer Marling for that aspect of the movie, but something did not mix well when the gears in my head really started grinding and turning. It’s like a huge puzzle that you know what it looks like in the end, and you have it just about done, but, since it’s a puzzle that’s been around for so long, certain pieces are missing and you don’t have them all to make the puzzle look exactly, piece-by-piece like the picture it’s supposed to make up. Don’t know if that makes anymore sense than I’ve tried to already get across, but regardless; something with this ending didn’t feel right, and left me with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. Maybe it was supposed to, or maybe it wasn’t. All I know, is that I wanted answers, dammit!

And nobody has pulled over for her? Definitely science-fiction!

The one person in this movie who deserves the fingers pointed at her for all of the vagueness this movie has to offer, is all from Brit Marling as Maggie, and as co-writer of the movie. Marling’s character is a very mysterious one that is all about messing with other people’s minds, getting them to admit what they don’t want to, and finding out who they really are, yet, doesn’t seem to come to terms with who she really is. Marling always feels like she’s one step ahead of the others around her in any movie, and here, it works perfectly because you never know what’s up with this chick, what she’s going to pull-off next, and just who the heck she truly is. Some of the resolutions to those ideas are revealed, and others, are not. All I do know is that this chick can act, and sure as hell write her ass-off as well.

Playing the stand-in for us, the audience, is Christopher Denham as Peter, the wanna-be documentarian whose idea this was in the first place. Denham is fine with what he has to do as Peter, even though I feel like his character was a bit too soft to really convince us that he would stay strong against the cult, considering it’s pretty obvious once one something happens to him, and we are confused about what to think. Then again, that could have all been in the act in the first place. You never know! Then, there’s Nicole Vicius as his girlfriend who seems to be a little bit more place in the real world, where she doesn’t believe in time-travel, aliens, or any of that hullabaloo. She just believes in love and finding the truth, and that’s it. Go get em, girlfrand!

Consensus: The ending is sure to make more than enough people irate and mad, but for awhile, Sound of My Voice does a fine job at creating tension, suspense, and mystery, over a plot that doesn’t expand any further than a bunch of weirdo cult people, doing weirdo, cult-ish things.

7 / 10 = Rental!!

“Look at me and think, “Is this shit weird enough yet?”

2010s, 7-7.5/10, Movies 2012, Alia Kahn, Alvin Lam, Amber Horn, Annie O'Donnell, Avery Pohl, Ben Carroll, Brit Marling, Christopher Denham, Christy Meyers, Constance Wu, Davenia McFadden, David Haley, Edgar Martin, Ema Vo, Gabrielle Pastore, Hannah Johnson, Jack Griffo, Jacob Price, James Urbaniak, Jane Widdop, Kandice Stroh, Kristina Ortiz, Kyle Hacker, Laura Leyva, Maeve Quinlan, Marisa Imbroane, Matthew Carey, Michaela Haas, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Nicole Vicius, Piper Mackenzie Harris, Raelyn Tepper, Richard Wharton, Ron Roggé, Sam Tiger, Samantha Garcia, Sasha Wexler, Sean Mandell, Sound of My Voice, Tiffany Martinez, Tonita Castro, Travis Johns, Virginia Montero, Zal Batmanglij

Behind the Candelabra (2013)

14 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 5, 2013

Just as surprised as Austin Powers when I watched this.

When he was 17 years old, Scott Thorson (Matt Damon) was introduced to Liberace (Michael Douglas) after one of his many, many terrific performances. At first, it seemed like Liberace took a liking to Thorson that not only started a relationship between the two, but also went so far as to almost have Scott adopted by Liberace himself. Sounds strange, yes, but it gets worse once Thorson becomes more and more jealous of Liberace, his success, and the idea that he too, may be getting older and expect the boot anytime soon.

I don’t usually do this, but considering this is “apparently” Steven Soderbergh’s last movie, and there has been a butt-load of praise for this one, I thought to myself, “Why not just a review a TV movie for once!” I mean, hey, it’s HBO, and they always put out quality films so why not give it a look-see and see if I want to make a review of it or not. Well, as you can obviously see, I decided to go along with it and I’m pretty glad to, even if it is a bit weird something like this would get the television treatment.

Supposedly, Soderbergh did all that he could to get this movie out there and in the open for Hollywood producers to take, but apparently it was “too gay” for the mass-audiences, so, why not just throw it onto television’s world-wide, where anybody could watch this as long as there’s no parental-controls. It’s sort of strange to think that Hollywood would think of this movie as being “too gay”, but yet, wouldn’t allow the audience to make up their own mind as to whether or not they should see it. I think it would have done quite well in American theaters, but if there’s a movie that I can watch at my house, at my expense, and for free, then I can’t complain too much. Especially when it’s this good.

Seeing Soderbergh go out like this (even though I highly doubt this will be his last movie), is a bit sad to see, but the guy seems happy and pleased with his body of work, and even happier with the fact that he was able to make a story about Liberace. Well, it’s actually more about Thorson than it is about Liberace, but that doesn’t matter since both figures make this story work and it’s all because of the attention to detail and who these people really are that make it work. Anybody that has ever seen Liberace anywhere, always knew that this guy was a fun, free-wheeling, and wild dude that loved to live fabulous, and always give people the show that they want. He was just that type of dude that you saw in the public, but you had to know that there was something more to him than just fun and games. There must have been a sad, somewhat-depressed person underneath it all, and that’s where Soderbergh and his cast and crew gets at.

"You remind me of a younger me. Except with hair."

“You remind me of a younger me. Except with actual hair.”

We see Liberace for all of the glitz, the glamour, and the expenses that he’s been come to be known as for ages to come, but we also get a look we never thought we’d see, and that’s the intimate, vulnerable dude that’s too afraid of being old and alone for the rest of his life. Obviously every biopic touts the same thing about their subjects, but somehow with Soderbergh’s feel and approach; it never once feels phony or played-up for the sake of dramatics. It’s there to service the story and to service our emotions, and actually make us feel more for this “old queen.”

Obviously, this movie has the definitive, “Soderberghian look” to it that makes the movie work, but you can really tell that the man cares for this story, how it gets out to the masses, and how each and every one of it’s real-life figure-heads are portrayed. Rather than making Liberace some old hack that likes to bang whatever tush he can get, we get a real glimpse at somebody who’s happy to be with the person he loves, even if that person’s 40 years younger than him. But Liberace isn’t the only one who gets all of the attention, Thorson is somebody we connect with as well, if maybe a bit more conventionally as we too can feel for the dude’s pain and paranoia when he begins to feel that maybe Liberace hasn’t been so dedicated to him as he might have thought.

However, this is the aspect of the story that I felt drove it into obvious-territory where Thorson gets tied-in with a drug-habit, Liberace gets older and wants more surgeries, and the two’s relationship begins to fall-apart. This is obviously what happened in real-life, with barely any speculation whatsoever, so I can’t really get on the movie’s case for presenting me with something that’s going by-the-book, but coming from Soderbergh; I expected a bit more than what I got. Then again, the guy shoots this story in a straight-forward manner and style, that isn’t all about the flashes of glam like it’s subject was; it’s about getting down to the simple beats and skips in our heart that not only make us love one another, but also make us human. I was surprised that Soderbergh was able to channel this type of theme/message in a story about two gay dudes falling in-and-out-of-love, but that’s what the dude was always good at: giving us surprises.

Another surprise, which really shouldn’t be, but actually still was, were the performances from Matt Damon and Michael Douglas who hand in some of their best work in awhile. And no, I’m not just saying because they kiss and hump each other a lot. Although, I will say that that does take a whole slew more of dedication and passion for your work than kissing and humping females. I mean, I wouldn’t know or anything. Okay, never mind. Back with the performances!

Totally 23 years young.

Matt Damon is very good as Scott Thorson because you see a side to Damon’s acting-prowess that we haven’t seen in quite some time: his vulnerability. This is a young kid who steps right into Liberace’s life right away, gets sucked into all of the fame, power, and energy of the life, but yet; is also still a kid that wants to do thing that most kids do when they’re 17 years old. They want to cause havoc, get drunk, get high, have sex, be reckless, and just always keep moving at a quick pace that never dies down. That’s not what Liberace was all about at his age (around 60), and it seems that’s where Thorson and him first hit their rough-patches. Even though the make-up job kind of screws the pooch on making Damon look as young as he’s supposed to be, the man still keeps this character interesting and always sympathetic.

Same can be said for Michael Douglas as Liberace, who actually takes this role and makes it his own, perfectly incorporating all of Lee’s mannerisms, trademarks, and ways he had going on about him. I thought it was going to be a bit of a struggle trying to buy someone as recognizable as Douglas, playing someone as iconic and famous as Liberace, but after awhile; the magic and the charm of the guy’s acting came over full-throttle, and I eventually bought into it all. Together, the two seem like a really understandable couple that may all be about being young and spending time together while you still can, but there’s something there between these two that’s worth staying around for and believing in, regardless as to whether or not they’re gay.

And for the record: yes, they are both as straight as two circles.

Consensus: Liberace and Thorson’s story was not one that was meant for the big, nor the small-screen, but Soderbergh, Damon, Douglas, and everybody else give Behind the Candelabra their biggest-effort in awhile, and the results come out more positive and negative. If this is Soderbergh’s last to-date, the man has gone out on a high-note that all should at least give a gander at, regardless as to whether or not you can stomach two dudes getting it on.

8 / 10 = Matinee!!

“Come and see our new movie. It’s faaaabuullouusssss!”

2010s, 8-8.5/10, Movies 2013, Behind the Candelabra, Dan Aykroyd, Liberace, Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Rob Lowe, Robert Boyd Holbrook, Scott Bakula, Steven Soderbergh

Epic (2013)

21 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 4, 2013

I always knew those insects I squished had a home to go back to.

A young, rebellious teen, M.K. (Amanda Seyfried), thinks she has it all and doesn’t need to be bossed-around by anybody anymore. Well, her whole reality gets shrunk down to size, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. After getting some sort of spell thrown upon her, she is shrunk down to the size of a leaf, and finds herself embedded in this whole new world filled with mystical, magic creatures that have lives of their own. These “things” she aligns herself with are called Leafmen, and are currently in the middle of a war between what is good and what is bad, against the evil and despicable Boggans (Christoph Waltz).

Don’t know how I found myself in the theater watching this, but one thing lead to another, and I eventually found myself plopped-down in a seat, surrounded by a bunch of families, with screaming kids, and pissed-off mommies and daddies (mostly daddies). Then, of course, there was me, the 19-year-old who just sat there, hanging out, doing my movie-reviewing thing (sitting there with either my arms folded, or, pulling off the “thinking man” look), and surprisingly had a good time. Was I surprised? Ehh, not totally, but considering where animation has been going these days, I felt like it was a nice breath of fresh air to remind me that you don’t need to do something new, cool, or original to work. And hell, you sure as hell don’t have to be riding the coat-tails of Pixar with every damn move neither, but what you really have to do is just have a good time with yourself and others will eventually join in on the fun as well. Eventually.

Something tells me that these two are going to have those same faces for the rest of their lives together.

I will say that, for the most part, the movie did take awhile of getting used to. There were parts of this story that seemed way, way too FernGully-ish, and certain parts that seemed like they were trying way, way too hard to be funny. For instance, the dad is always fumbling over his papers and books because of these “creatures” he’s looking for, the dog’s name is Ozzy, and he also happens to be three-legged, and there’s a bunch of talking-slugs that like to say witty, adult-like things. It all seemed like it was trying a bit too hard for me and I felt like if this was how the rest of the flick was going to be, I was going to have to leave early and find out what the hell else there is to do with the rest of my Saturday afternoon (i.e. get drunk).

Well, thankfully, things turned for the good and rather than finding myself just sitting there in pure misery, while every kid under the age of 7 laughed their asses off; the tides began to change and I found myself in the place of the 7-year olds, laughing my ass off. Okay, maybe I wasn’t laughing, and maybe it was more of a grin here and there, but once the story started moving and the girl get cut-down to size, then things began to get better and better.

Somehow, some way, the movie was hitting it’s funny-bone, the action got better and more entertaining, and everything continued to get more and more greener as time went by. It was going so well and I can’t say I regret seeing this movie, even if some daddies had to shelter their kids away from the young adult, laughing his rear-end off in the third row. Yeah, that was a bit of a down-side, but I still enjoyed myself with the movie and realized that animation can still work in today’s world, even if you aren’t breaking any new-ground. I mean, I wasn’t crying like I USED to do with Pixar movies, and I sure as hell wasn’t holding my stomach like I USED to do with Pixar movies, but I was sure as hell having a nice time, and nobody could bring me down from that cloud I oh so pleasantly floated on for awhile.

And then, things got a bit weird.

I don’t want to give too much away here in terms of what the ending is all about, because it’s pretty obvious and conventional for the most part, but in terms of what type of message this movie is trying to give off: I still am left scratching my head. You can see that this girl is young, prepped-up to be the princess of her house, and deserving of everything that she wants, so why the hell does she all of a sudden begin a sort of “relationship” with a guy that’s the size of her finger-nail? Sounds strange, I know, but it left me with a weird feeling that kids are going to be leaving this flick, thinking that you can find love anywhere, even if it is with tiny men, that battle-off insects in their spare-time. Okay, maybe kids won’t be going that far, but why end the movie like that? Just have her say her good-byes, say that she’ll be back, and that her and her dad will be careful not to squash them anytime soon. Why not do that and avoid being creepy? Pixar wouldn’t have done that….

But probably the strangest aspect of this whole movie is the voice-cast. Everybody here who has something to say, is a big-name in the media for one thing or another, but to assemble them altogether in a movie where they literally don’t have to stand next to each other to get good performances, still strikes me as a bit odd. For instance, one second you’ll have Christoph Waltz doing his thing as the baddie; then, the next second, you’ll have Pitbull voicing a frog that’s supposed to be the kingpin of the slums. I never though I’d see this guy and that guy in the same movie together, but hey, that’s the crazy thing about animation. You can get away with just about putting anybody you want, regardless of if they fit together or not, because it will still work. It’s not their faces you’re saying, it’s the voices you’re hearing.

Snail’s be chillin’, yo.

That said, everybody is pretty damn serviceable in each of their own, respective roles. Amanda Seyfried fits the innocence and angst of what it’s like to be a young gal in your teens (not that I would know); Jason Sudeikis does some weird, nasally-voice as her father, but is still good at being goofy, but also endearing as well; Colin Farrell is pretty damn bad-ass as the leader of the little dudes that fight the good fight; Beyonce doesn’t have much to do as Queen Tara, and feels like the weakest-link out of everybody else here; Steven Tyler is playing up his whole, “pot-smoking” image as the slug that has all the answers and keeps records of everything that goes down in this forest; and last, but sure as hell not least, Aziz Ansari and Chris O’Dowd are perfect fits as the two snails that continue to pop jokes, no matter what the occasion may be. They’re characters are only here to serve one purpose, and that’s to be the comic-relief for the kiddie’s to laugh at, but they actually had me giggling quite a lot. I don’t know if that’s because I actually like both comedians in general, or for what they did here. I think it’s more of the former, but at least I appreciated them nonetheless.

Consensus: The world of animation will continue to do what it’s been doing for all these years, but at least Epic still hits us with the reminder that you don’t have to change the name of the game or do something new with your story, as long as you have fun, are entertaining, and goofy for the whole family to enjoy.

7 / 10 = Rental!!

The look of a man that little girls will come to adore for awhile, only to realize that average-sized dudes usually don’t look as stunning, and as groomed-up as this. This is what they usually turn out to be.

2010s, 7-7.5/10, Movies 2013, Amanda Seyfried, Aziz Ansari, Beyoncé, Blake Anderson, Chris Wedge, Christoph Waltz, Colin Farrell, Emma Kenney, Epic, FernGully, Jason Sudeikis, Josh Hutcherson, Judah Friedlander, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Pitbull, Steven Tyler

Now You See Me (2013)

23 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 3, 2013

Imagine if David Copperfield, David Blaine, and Criss Angel got together to rob a bank. It would never happen.

They are known as The Four Horsemen, and they are made up of four magicians (Jesse Eisenberg, Isla Fisher, Woody Harrelson, and Dave Franco), who have found themselves in some hot water, after being considered suspects in a bank-robbery that occurred in France, while they were taking bunnies out of hats in Las Vegas. However, FBI agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) doesn’t believe this shite and along with his rookie Interpol investigator (Melanie Laurent) and well-known magic debunker (Morgan Freeman), they band together and figure out what is real and what isn’t. But in the world of magic: what you see, isn’t always something you can believe. Or, is it? Who the fuck knows!

Movies about magicians are sort of like real-life ones: they’re interesting in the way that you want to see what they pull off, how they pull it off, and where all the time and effort comes into play. Add that with a whole crime-caper aspect, and you got yourself something that might just be a bit of a winner, in terms of the audience and the box-office. But after awhile, like most magic tricks you see in real life, once the secret is revealed; you believe in certain things, and you don’t believe in others. It’s all a matter of time until the cracks begin to show, and that is exactly what goes down with this movie.

But hey, at least it starts out fine and dandy, for the most part. What was surprising the most about this flick is that how after the first 25 minutes, instead of having all of our attention and eyes locked onto the Horseman, we then find ourselves watching and following the story of the cop who’s trying to figure out just what the hell they did. Some will be surprised, some will be pissed, some will think it’s a clever-way of presenting the twists, and some will just be content. Overall though, it was a smart move on the movie’s part, because it puts us in the dark about what really happened, almost as much as it puts the cop himself in as well.

Like her real-life hubby: she’s fucking with everybody.

Once this part of the story gets going, then things get a bit conventional with the typical, “cops-and-robbers” film that we have seen all of the time, except now: WITH MAGIC! It is interesting to see how these peeps pulled off have of these tricks and what expenses they went to in order to make them happen, but the problem I had the most was that it just didn’t all add up. I’m not one of those guys who gets crazy about a movie that has to deal with sci-fi, the powers that be, or some sort of mystical powers some person might have, because I know it’s all made for the purpose of being somewhat fake and unrealistic, but here; it felt like a cheat. That’s all thanks to Louis Leterrier who doesn’t seem like the type of director I’d trust with this material, since the guy isn’t really known for his smart, tricky moves.

But what the guy is known for, is mainstream film making, and that shows so evidently because of the way he is able to constantly mess with our minds by doing quick-cuts, fast-editing, and non-stop music blasting throughout the whole thing, as if we were at a rave, popped-up on some of the finest X (I could have only wished). By doing all of this, Leterrier is trying to distract us into thinking that everything that is being revealed to the characters and us, is reasonable and believable in a world where magicians are the top, money-makers of the world. As much as it may work on the average, movie-going audience, it did not work on this cynical, d-bag film critic.

Once the reveals are (ahem) revealed, we see what this movie is trying to throw down our throats and trying to make us believe in, but it doesn’t work because not a single bit of it seems like it could have actually happened, real-life or not. The Horseman start off as magicians that can pull off some neat tricks and whatnot, but after awhile, we see that they are more or less a bunch of meticulous planners that knew exactly what they wanted to do, at what time, when, who, where, and how, but it rarely makes sense once we see it all. However, Leterrier isn’t too concerned with that and instead; just wants to entertain the hell out of us with his spastic direction that honestly never seems to take a chill pill. Even when two peeps are just talking, Leterrier seems bored and almost like he needs to get going, or his dosage of ADD meds will ware down and he’ll have to take another five.

And entertained is what we are for the most part, but when the entertainment-value is mostly based on what we believe in, and the tricks the movie plays on us; then it gets a bit sour and unbelievable. I’m usually down for any movie that wants to give us a bunch of twists and not always giving us the right clues to set our minds straight, but it has to be done in an understandable manner, that doesn’t seem just to be used for mind-fucking us. Even the ending itself is a bit of a mind-fuck, if only for the fact that it seems preposterous, even after all of the time that we spent with these characters, this plot, and this heck-of-a-mystery.

At least the ensemble is amazing, right? Well, sort of. Nobody in the cast really sucks the wind out of the movie and brings it down by the antlers, except for Leterrier who seems to have an awesome cast of characters on his plate, yet, doesn’t know what to do with them so instead, just gives them a bunch of two-dimensional characters, lets them play around, and hope that they do the job he was supposed to be doing in the first place. Maybe it’s not such a bad strategy for some directors, but when you have a cast this good and a plot this interesting, you need more, more, more! Come on, Louis!

“See this card? Next second, it won’t be there due to our impressive usage of CGI.”

Jesse Eisenberg is a good fit as the egotistical, cocky leader of the Four Horseman who obviously seems to know it all and have more confidence on display than we have ever seen from him before; Isla Fisher is sweet, sexy, and sassy as his former-assistant, who seems to be more of the brains of the group, rather than the boobs (although they are as fine as can be); Woody Harrelson seems to be having buckets of fun as the hypnotist of the group, and looks like the only dude out of this cast who was in on the joke; and Dave Franco is still coming up fine in his career, playing the youngest member of the group, with a chip on his shoulder, and plenty of time to learn and think. All are fine together, but since the movie is less concerned with their dynamic, and more about the tricks they pull off; each and every performance seems like a bit of a waste.

And instead, the movie’s more focused on Mark Ruffalo as Dylan Rhodes, our cop for the 2 hours. It doesn’t suck that the movie is based-around Ruffalo’s character and whether or not this dude figures out just what to get done, but it doesn’t help that his character is at least a bit boring. Ruffalo does all that he can with this dude by giving him the scruff, the loosened-tie, and the few sips of a Jack Daniels, but he still isn’t as interesting as you would have liked to see, especially coming from the guy who can make any character he plays worth watching. However, being a lover of Ruffalo, I still have to give the guy credit for at least trying to make this character work, going out of his way, and at least showing some effort. Hell, even if the attraction between him and Laurent doesn’t quite work, at least you want to see them together in the end.

And last, but sure as hell not least, we have the men with the plans: Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman. Together, these two are dynamite and seem to be having the times of their lives just playing-off one another and seeing what they can pull-off next. But even when they are separated and moving on with their own stories, they still seem to be having butt-loads of fun, and really make this movie more entertaining, just with their charm and wit. Obviously Caine gets the shorter-end-of-the-stick with his slightly maniacal character, but nonetheless, the dude still seems to have that sprinkle in his eye that makes you want to give him a big-ass hug.

Consensus: Though it has the ideas and promise that may make any, average moviegoer locked and loaded for a good time, Now You See Me still comes off as a cheat that was made for the sole purpose that it would mess with our minds, yet, not really make much sense by doing so. It would just trick us into being tricked, and leave with our money in it’s hands.

5.5 / 10 = Rental!!

“Okay, I get most of it. But what the hell did he do with the card I originally had?”

2010s, 5-5.5/10, Movies 2013, Andre Nemec, Boaz Yakin, Caitriona Balfe, Common, Criss Angel, Dave Franco, David Blaine, David Copperfield, David Warshofsky, Ed Solomon, Edward Ricourt, Elias Koteas, Isla Fisher, Jesse Eisenberg, Jessica Lindsey, Josh Applebaum, Laura Cayouette, Lonnie Common, Louis Leterrier, Mark Ruffalo, Mélanie Laurent, Michael Caine, Michael Kelly, Morgan Freeman, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Now You See Me, Stephanie Honore, Woody Harrelson

Shadow Dancer (2013)

6 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 2, 2013

The Irish don’t just get drunk and start bare-knuckle boxing, they actually plant bombs under cars too.

Single mother Collette McVeigh (Andrea Risenborough), lives with her mother and IRA brothers in Belfast during the 90′s, when politics and the rest of the economy clashed. After a failed-attempt at blowing up a train station, Collette is taken in by a MI5 Officer named Mac (Clive Owen) who gives her two choices: either fight the defense, go to jail for 25 years, and lose sole-custody of her son, or, work with the officer in finding the main culprit in these bombings and attacks. Collette decides to go with the latter, but it does come with its perks.

Thrillers like these are usually my favorite cups of tea, because they never really dleve into what makes thrillers so popular. Rather than just giving us all of the action on a silver-platter filled with guns, girls, car-chases, blood, and violence, we get plenty of chatting, exposition, coffee dates, and secret meetings that are usually handled with an exchange of papers with a stamp that says “CONFIDENTIAL”. That’s how I like my thrillers, but rarely do you ever get to see them because let’s face it: the average, movie-going audience isn’t too concerned with a bunch of people staring and talking, they want to see explosions!! And those types of people aren’t wrong to want that, but for some of us, we prefer it when a movie takes it’s near and dear time with it’s story and doesn’t get right into all of the action the most-conventional way possible. However, in some cases, it sometimes helps.

This is one of those cases where it definitely would have.

Same look throughout the whole movie. Ruffled-up tie and everything.

Director James Marsh seems to take all of his documentary-chops, and bring them to an actual narrative-flick very well, where we follow this story from point-A, to point-B, with just about enough information and details laid-out for us on the ground, so that we can make up our minds on and see what we can get through. However, not everything you need to know about this story is told to you at first, or even, hell, the whole movie. Sometimes, there are elements to this story that are only alluded to and briefly hinted at, but overall, left to make up for our own minds which I actually liked.

I like it when a movie doesn’t talk down to me and at least respects the viewer for who they are, and what they are able to comprehend. If you think about it, the audience that is going to go out and see this movie, is seeing it for a reason, so treat them like they deserve to be treated. Let them make up their own minds, build up their own ideas, and then, get ready to shock them as you tell them what’s really going on. For the most part, that is the idea of film making that Marsh seems to be having the most fun with, and absolutely revels in the idea of building and toying with suspense, and the format it usually comes in with films like these. Plenty of times, I wondered to myself just what was going to go down next, how it was going to happen, and why, but it never really got to that breaking point, and that’s where I feel like this movie loses some of it’s ground.

There is such a thing as to when a film is almost “too subtle for it’s own good.” This is one of those glaring-examples. Like I mentioned before, everything that you are supposed to know about this story is told to you to right away, but not all of it. That allows for you wait for some mysteries, some tension, and a whole lot of guessing to go down, but it also makes you feel as if you are missing out on a big chunk of this story that should have really made this more than just some story about a chick who rats on her boys.

The idea of there being some sort of “attraction” between Mac and Collette is mentioned, oh so briefly in the movie that when I first heard it, I didn’t really think much of it nor did I care. However, later on in the movie once things got a bit heated, then it comes up again, but this time, it’s more obvious and front-and-center. It was strange to see because the movie never really made much of an effort to go that way with it’s story, nor did it really seem to do anything for the movie either. It just sort of happened, as if Marsh needed to add some more dramatic-heft to the proceedings, because the idea of having this chick constantly not know when she’s going to be caught for being an informant wasn’t enough.

In that essence, the movie struggled for me and once the final twist was brought to my attention, I somehow lost all feeling for these characters, this story, and what was really going. That’s not to say that this movie isn’t good in the least bit, but at the end of the day, you do still feel as if you’ve been a bit cheated out of something that was so damn promising and so damn tense in the first place. Why they had to screw with it all in the beginning, I’ll never, ever know.

“No, no, no! I will not fall for you devil-ish, British charms!”

But what I do know is that this cast does all that they can to not only keep this material alive and breathing, but very interesting as well. After showing up in the big-budget, sci-fi fest Oblivion, Andrea Risenborough seems to really want to make a name for herself, and I think she should because what we have here is a girl that has that distinctive look and feel to her, that seems very naturally-gripping, right as soon as you see her. In this movie’s case, we first see Risenborough walk through a subway as she contemplates where to put a bomb of hers and how to get away with it. The scene itself isn’t just tense because we don’t know what’s going to happen next, but because of the sure-look of desperation and worry on her face. The ladies got plenty of skills to make any character she plays work, but also give us the chance to do what we can to reach out to her and see if she’ll return the favor. She sort of does, however, that’s more of because of Risenborough and her ability as an actress, and less of how the character was written.

Clive Owen is also another one that’s willing to give us that look of a dude who’s always tense and determined, no matter what it is the hell that he’s going through. Granted, his own story of being lied to by his boss is a bit annoying as it constantly intercepts all of the mystery that’s surrounding Collette’s story, but I will say that Owen always makes it a tense and fulfilling watch because the dude knows exactly how to make a character work, even if he doesn’t give him much of a personality. What you do know about him is that he’s a dude that does his job, and will protect this girl at any costs. Sounds like a nice guy to me, doesn’t it?

Also, we need more of Gillian Anderson! Seriously, ever since the last X-Files movie, this chick has been M.I.A. Come on back to the real world, Scully!

Consensus: There is a great sense of palpable tension and intrigue in Shadow Dancer, but most of it is undermined by the fact that there isn’t much else really going on here, and if there is, the movie doesn’t seem too concerned with telling us at all. Just wants to keep us in the dark, for the sake of doing so.

6 / 10 = Rental!!

“So, anybody catch the game?”

2010s, 6-6.5/10, Movies 2013, Aidan Gillen, Andrea Riseborough, Bradley Burke, Brid Brennan, Clive Owen, David Kendellen, David Wilmot, Domhnall Gleeson, Gillian Anderson, James Marsh, Mark Huberman, Martin McCann, Michael McElhatton, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Oblivion, Shadow Dancer, Stuart Graham, The X-Files, Tom Bennett, Una Caryll

After Earth (2013)

33 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on June 1, 2013

Hey Jaden! Welcome to Urf!

During a post-apocalyptic Earth, a father and son (Will and Jaden Smith) find themselves stranged and without a sense of direction after a crash landing. With the father critically injured, it’s up to the son to embark on a dangerous journey so the duo can return safely home. However, what the son doesn’t know is that the world isn’t what he thought it was, and all of the beautiful wonders that were once there, are all gone and feature madness and panic in-place.

After seeing all of the happenings, all of the chicks in the waters, and the airbenders that just so happen to be last, I have finally come to my destination: seeing M. Night Shyamalan’s recent-movie. And after all of those barf-fests, I have to say: this one is not as bad as those others. Hell, even with all of them combined, it’s still better (seriously, the three scores added up are less than 5). Then again, me taking a bath with my rubber duckies for an hour and a half is probably better too, but coming from the dude who’s name has came to be followed by shrieks of fear of horror; it’s a step in the right direction.

Not the best step, but still a step nonetheless.

That said, there is a lot here that doesn’t work as well as it should. Take the plot, for instance. Basically, this whole movie is just seeing if Lil’ Jaden can get from point-A-to-point-B, as he steps through obstacles, finds foes in his way, and eventually begins to run out of health-packs, that will help him stay alive on the quarantined-Earth. Instead of sounding like an actual movie with real character development and drama, it all feels like a video-game where we are just watching somebody else play for 90 minutes, not hand over the controller, and make us watch because he’s the one who pays the cable bill every month. Yeah, I know dicks like that, and that’s what I felt like when I was watching this movie. So much so, I honestly expected there to be a little box up at the top of the screen, letting me know how much life I had left, and when I could use my “Turbo Boost”.

“You fuck this business opportunity, you’re grounded.”

It wouldn’t have honestly been so bad neither, had the movie been as thrilling as you’d expect from M. Night; but it just wasn’t. You know how everything’s going to turn out just by the sugar-coated feel tone and feel of this movie; no real twists and turns come to play, which is especially surprising for M. Night; the characters are thinly-written; and the rummages that are left of Earth that these two are stranded on, is terrible-looking with it’s cheap CGI, uninteresting use of special effects, and a setting that didn’t feel like a huge part of the world, but just a little part of the woods that I could easily find for me and my buds to drink at. Usually, it doesn’t bother me when the film has cheep-CGI and doesn’t have anything new or original to show me when it comes to delivering it’s action, but at least make me feel something, if anything at all!

The characters aren’t really worth caring about or rooting for, even if the movie totally twists your arm to do so. And by “the movie”, I mean Will Smith his damn-self! I get that Will wants the best for his kid, Jaden, and to be honest; the kid isn’t all that bad of an actor. Sure, he’s not as strong or as charismatic as a presence of his daddy, but the kid’s got spark that could eventually turn into a whole bunch of fire, which, in a way: could almost make him close to being his daddy. However, only time will tell with this one, but somebody should definitely tell that said daddy so!

The problem with this movie isn’t just that it’s weak at trying to make us care, it’s that about 90% of it is dedicated to watching Jaden run around, sprint, look scared, be brave, and feel no fear, which is fine for what it is, but then he starts talking, and emoting, and expressing emotions, and trying to carry this flick, and it just does not work. The movie would have been fine had they given the flick to anybody else in the world, but this kid is not that person as he can not put this flick on his back, and get us along for the ride. He feels like a flat hero, that has the same intentions as any hero we’ve ever seen before, and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth because you know none of that shit matters to Big Will. He just wants to give his son the chance to get out there and noticed for the whole rest of the world, so that they too, can latch on to the charm and likeability that he once, and still has to this day. It’s just a shame that it didn’t quite work out like Big Will had planned, because this kid definitely seemed like he was trying. Maybe a bit too hard, but at least

I’ll give him an ‘A’ for effort. Okay, maybe an ‘A-’. Yeah, that feels about right.

As for Will, the dude’s still fine for what he has to do with the limited-time he’s given. Granted, half of the movie is dedicated to him just telling Jaden what to do, as he lays there in agony and pain, waiting for his damn leg to heal. But even through all of the dullness, Will still does fine and shows us why we all love him so much in the first place. It does feel like this guy could be doing more with this movie, rather than just handing it over to his son, but at least we weren’t witness to another one of his yells. Thank the heavens for that.

In a couple years, “The Lizard King” will be an appropriate nickname.

Also, can somebody please tell me what the fuck was up with those accents of theirs? It was like a mixture between French and English, even though they still had that American-spunk to them. Didn’t quite get it, and sort of made the performances a bit worse.

However, with all of this shit being said, I still have to say that I enjoyed myself through a portion of this movie, and I think you can too if you just throw down your expectations a bit. After seeing all of M. Night’s true-stinkers over the past week or so, I’ve come to realize that this dude may never, ever have the chance to come back and show the world what true skills as a film maker he has. But I still do think that his chance lies somewhere over the rainbow, one that is very, very far away and nearly-unreachable. But still: he may be able to get it one of these days and achieve his dream and true vision. He has not achieved that one bit with this movie, but (and it is a BIG one), the man at least seems to be having fun with this movie, and allowing us to join in a bit too. It is nowhere near being perfect whatsoever, but compared to what M. Night’s done in the past decade: it’s almost a near, freaking masterpiece.

Consensus: The plot to After Earth takes it down a whole bunch of notches that it nearly dies from it’s own pain, but it’s better than what we’ve seen recently from M. Night, and it’s glad to see him at least enjoying the work he’s putting out on-display for all of us to see and rather have fun with. Could have been a hell of a lot better, but if this is as good as we are going to get for now: I’m content. For now!

5 / 10 = Rental!!

Alright, Will. Enough with the serious face. You’re the Prince of Bel-Air!

2010s, 5-5.5/10, Movies 2013, After Earth, Albert Spider Valladares, Chris Geere, Corey Brown, David Denman, Gilbert Soto, Isabelle Fuhrman, Jaden Martin, Jaden Smith, Jon Douglas Rainey, Kristofer Hivju, Lady in the Water, Lincoln Lewis, M. Night Shyamalan, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Sacha Dhawan, Shawn Gonzalez, Sophie Okonedo, The Happening, The Last Airbender, Will Smith, Zoë Kravitz

Before Midnight (2013)

24 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on May 31, 2013

Gen-X got old. And grumpy.

We followed Jesse and Celine (Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy) through their early days in Venice, as they walked around aimlessly and fell in love overnight, only to never see each other ever again. That is, until 9 years later when Jesse releases a book about his one and only night with Celine, she finds him, they talk, and the fireworks between the two begin to spark-up once again. However, we left wondering whether or not Jesse was going to take the bait and stay in Paris with Celine. 9 years later, we catch back-up with them to see how they are doing, whether they are together, and if they still love each other like they once did. The answers may surprise the hell out of you.

I’m going to come right out and say this that not only was Before Midnight my most-anticipated of the summer or the year, but was also my most-anticipated movie to see in general. After seeing Before Sunset and realizing that we never quite knew whether or not Jesse and Celine made it work after all of these years, I was finally happy to know that everybody was back for another gig. But, at the same time, I was also scared because these characters feel like family now, and if not family; then pretty damn close. I could only wish that my family was this attractive and pretentious.

They fell in love right in front of our eyes back in ’95 with Before Sunrise and allowed us to give into the whole cliche about finding that special someone, on a train, and spending the whole night with that person, falling in love, and sightseeing. Then, reality set in and they realized that maybe it was just a fantasy they were living.

Or was it?

Fast-forward 9 years later with Before Sunset, and these two are back together in action with Celine finding Jesse at a book-shop. They both chat it up like usual, but the problem is that Jesse not only has to be back on a plane in an hour, but also has to take that plane back to his wife and kid. However, just when you thought all hopes and dreams were lost for these two love-birds, the movie leaves us the burning-question in our mind: does Jesse stay with Celine and finally live out that fantasy he always dreamed of, or does he go back to the real world, with real problems, like staying loyal to his wife, paying bills, driving the kid back-and-forth from school, and so on and so forth?

“And then we started talking about the after-life and where we wanted our lives to go once we became cosmos in the sky, and then, that’s when I knew: he was THE ONE.”

Well, if you got this far in the review and have yet to see the movie, I’d advise you to turn away because this review is almost impossible to go on without saying anything at all about what happens, how it happens, or who it happens to. I don’t want to say that this is all a spoiler review, but I’m sorry friends and family; I just can’t hold back if I’m going to get as emotional and dramatic as I am about to in a couple of paragraphs. If you want any clarification on whether or not to see this movie, just look at the bottom rating, and be on your way.

Okay, good? Anybody here that’s not supposed to be? Crystal! Let’s go!

Let me just put it down like this: this is the best movie of the year for me. I don’t know if it’s going to stay on top for the rest of ’13 or what, but what I do know is that right now, at this moment in time, this movie is the best movie of the year because it is everything I ever wanted from this series, and more. Linklater, Hawke, and Delpy have been teasing our brains out of our mind for the longest time about how we might get to see Jesse and Celine back in action, and we finally have it! But it’s weird, because it isn’t like you’d expect them to be.

Jesse and Celine are, yes: old. They are married, they have kids, they are vacationing in Greece, Jesse is still a writer, and Celine is coming at a crossroads at her life finding the job she wants, and the job that would be right for her. They still talk with the same fireworks and charm that had them fall in love with one another in the first-place, but something is different. Something is not right. See, they love each other no matter what and definitely seem to appreciate the fact that they are in one another’s life, but everything they didn’t want to be, fantasized about not being, and would joke with one another about; is actually happening to them both. They do bicker; they don’t always get along; they don’t see eye-to-eye; they don’t talk about cool things like the world, human-beings, or the weather; and they sure as hell don’t seem so lax like they once were when they were young and ambitious.

Nowadays, Jesse and Celine are older, more mature, and more understandable about the world that they have come to hit face-to-face, and the people that surround them. Hell, they know more about themselves than ever, and that scares them half to death. Never, not even in a million years did they ever think that they were going to be old, cranky, rushed, and confused about what to do next in life, but hell; it happened and they have to live with it. However, that still means they love the hell out of each other like before, right?

Well, that’s where the slope gets a bit slippery. It’s obvious that these two still appreciate each other’s company and lending-hands whenever they need it, but it’s not like it once was and that’s where this movie really hits the nail on the head. Even after all of these years, Celine still questions Jesse as to whether or not he thinks he made the right choice staying with her in Paris, or even if she made the right choice getting off of the train with him in Venice. They don’t question it because they regret it, they don’t fully understand where their lives have gone, what they can do to stop time, and whether or not it’s too late. They both fear what’s to come next, but most of all: they fear losing the love of the other. This is where things with this movie really begin to get brutal and it is the most compelling thing I have seen all year.

Like the last two movies, the script here is beautifully-layered down to the last line. Every word of dialogue, every gesture, every idea that the other shares with the other, makes you feel some sort of emotion rather it be happy, sad, scared, or indifferent. No matter what, you will feel something with this movie, and the emotion is only heightened if you love these characters like I do. They aren’t terrible people and they aren’t great people; they are human-beings. They love, they fight, they laugh, they smile, they sleep, they eat, they drink, they clap, they dance, and they do everything that you or I are capable of, which is so rare not only to see in movies nowadays, but to see still be present in a movie that’s already in it’s third entry. Yep, it’s been a long, long time since those wonder days in Venice, and it shows.

The realistic-factor behind these characters, who they are, and what makes them who they are, is only made better by the natural performances from Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke who give the best performances of their careers, by far. Both can play these characters in their sleep by now, which is nowhere near a bad thing since characters that are as layered and as complex as these ones, need to feel as if they were played by people who weren’t really told to act and emote. They have to be played as if they are real people you could meet on the street and strike up a conversation with, and that is exactly what these two do. Whether they are together or separate in this movie; Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy are perfection. However, when they are together, the movie shines and never stops.

"Remember this? Remember what we did after? Wanna do it again? Please? Pretty please? Come on, dammit!!!"

“Remember when we last did this? Remember what we did after? Wanna do it again? Please? Pretty please? Come on, dammit!!!”

All three movies have been anchoring on the chemistry between Delpy and Hawke, and this is the one movie where it really matters because there’s so much more going on between these characters, that you need something natural and realistic to really make it work. As I’ve said before, Jesse and Celine still do love one another, but there are problems between the two that seem like ones that most married-couples/adults face, especially at their time and age. They wonder whether they made the right choice or not, or if all of the dreams they once had when they were little tikes, are all but gone. So, rather than facing it head-on and realizing what they have to do, they turn to each other for love, help, and support, and that usually ends in happiness or disaster.

Sadly, it’s more of the latter than the former for these two.

Once again, I can’t stress enough how much these two still do love one another, but there does come a point where you begin to question whether or not it was all real, or a total charade that they stick with because they can. And what’s best of all about this certain in the movie is that it practically comes out of nowhere. By the end of the movie, Jesse and Celine have finally gotten the chance to be with one another, all alone, and ready to do the dirty, but before they can finally get the clothes off and the fluids flowing; it all comes to a screeching halt. Almost seemingly out of nowhere, the married-couple that you thought were the perfect soul-mates for one another and could never be broken-up, somehow actually do start to come unglued as they fight about everything in their life.

This whole sequence they just yell at and fight with one another probably lasts a good 30-40 minutes, but it’s the most compelling and most emotionally-rich sequence in film that I have seen at all this year, and hell; probably the last 5 or 6 years at that. Not a single thing is left out between these two as they get into whether they should move to Chicago so that Jesse can be closer to his son; or if they should get new jobs; or if they made the right choice getting married in the first place; or if the other philandered around; or, last but not least, if they should just call it quits before all is said and done and they have nowhere to go with the rest of their lives. Anything and everything you’d expect these two to argue about, is not left unsaid, but at the same time; not resolved either.

Like with most things in life, people fight, people yell, and people hurt one another, but they apologize, continue on, and act as if nothing happened, but does that mean nothing really happened? For me, it felt like this movie really hit the nail on the head about how Jesse and Celine, no matter how grand their love is for one another, they will always be that married-couple that fights from time-to-time, can’t figure out who’s doing what for the kids, and gets angry at the other for stupid shit like not cleaning up after themselves and so on and so forth. But this can’t be the Jesse and Celine from ’95 and ’04, can it?!?!?! Well, it is and it shows you that no matter what you try, no matter how different you think you are, and no matter what walk of life you take, you will always end up at the spot you didn’t expect to be in: just like everybody else.

I know, I know, I know! I make this movie sound like a total piece of depression from beginning-to-end, but honestly; it isn’t. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me happy, it made me think, it made me feel all warm and gooey inside, and it made me sad. However, I can’t say that this movie is worth watching if you expect Jesse and Celine to be all happy with birds chirping and flying all-around them. That isn’t what real life is all about, and that’s certainly not what these two are all about and that’s where this movie goes. It may take some by surprise that the once-adored couple-to-be, is now, all of a sudden, any other married-couple of their generation (aka, the type of people they talked out against in the first and second movie), but with the way these characters have been formed and developed over these three flicks: it feels deserved and all too real to be perceived as a fantasy. Jesse and Celine make you wonder where your life may go, if you decide to take a step for love, and whether it will, or it won’t be the right step you took at the end of your life.

“Wow, you’re still funny like I once remember you being. You were funny, right?”

Without spoiling it all, the movie ends perfectly. After their big, slap-out, drag-out fight of wits and emotion, Jesse and Celine seem to really come together, apologize, make jokes, and talk about what they are going to do later that night (aka, bang). It all seems so happy and hokey for a series that’s the exact-opposite in terms of how it’s first two movies ended and how, but once you get to thinking of it: it really isn’t. By this point in time, Celine has already told Jesse that she does not love him anymore. Not once, but twice, and she does not stutter or take back what she said. Now, does that mean she just said it out of pure-emotion and anger just to really hit Jesse where it hurts? Maybe, but does that mean there isn’t some truth or realistic-feeling to that statement? Maybe, as well.

Linklater, Delpy, and Hawke really seemed to have made this movie their adored, and wonderfully-watched child, but the ending is what makes you think what these two have to say about these characters and whether or not they will be able to stand the test of time like they mentioned in all movies, especially this one. In the end, the final-shot is of these two jokingly-chatting about how they can’t wait for the night so that they can have sex, love, and be passionate with one another, as if they haven’t in the longest time, but not all is fine and dandy. These two just yelled, screamed, hollered, bewildered, insulted, hurt, and tortured the other in a fight that seemed to not only go on forever, but get meaner and meaner as more words and actions were exchanged. Has the damage already been done, or, as I alluded to earlier before; will they forget about it, move on with their life and days, and act as if it never happened?

Is what the REAL Jesse and Celine are all about, or is that what we expect to come with most married-couples in our world? The movie allows for you to have that question linger in your mind, long after the final credit rolls off the screen, and I have yet to think of what it is myself. All I know, is that if they do decide to do a fourth film, count me in, baby! Just let me in advance so I can bring an extra-bag of Kleenex along for the ride.

Consensus: If you loved the first two movies, Before Midnight will be the next step in Jesse and Celine’s trip you definitely want to be apart of, even if everything they’ve been through and are still going through, may not put a smile on your face like it once did before. However, that’s life, and it’s not always going to be a fun-filled ride of happiness and pixies.

9.5 / 10 = Full Price!!!

Not even holding hands anymore. Yup, love blows.

Not even holding hands anymore. Yup, love dies. Goodnight folks!

2010s, 9-9.5/10, Movies 2013, Ariane Labed, Athina Rachel Tsangari, Before Midnight, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Charlotte Prior, Ethan Hawke, Jennifer Prior, Julie Delpy, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Richard Linklater, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick, Walter Lassally, Xenia Kalogeropoulou, Yota Argyropoulou

The Happening (2008)

52 Comments Posted by CMrok93 on May 30, 2013

Pretty, pretty deadly flowers.

In the middle of a peaceful New York City-day, a bunch of people are walking through the park when all of a sudden, everybody stops what it is that they are doing, walks backwards a few steps, and each commit suicide. There is no reason whatsoever for this mess, but whatever it is, it has traveled by air all the way to Philadelphia where a couple (Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel) runs away, trying to find safety wherever it might possibly be. Problem is, nobody knows what it is, what caused it all, how to stay away from it, and what is the cure. It’s just something in the air, and you must run away and find shelter, as soon as possible. Or something like that.

Fuck it, I’m just going to come right out and say it that this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life-time. Which means, yes, I have seen this movie more than once. Once, when it came out in theaters because I was young and stupid, and twice, because I had to do it all for you loyal readers out there waiting to see me complete my posts on M. Night’s career.

The things that I’ll do just to please your asses.

Anyway, away from all that crap, let me just say that this movie is still god-awful after all of these years, and hell, probably a lot worse now that I’ve gotten used to what makes a movie good, entertaining, bad, or just shit. This is that latter category that nobody should ever bother with. Yes, not even movie critics who have been dared by their friends because they apparently “watch any movie that’s put in front of them.” Trust me, friends: I’ve said it all before and it’s not worth it. IT’S JUST NOT!!

We all know that M. Night’s career has been one shit-show-after-another, but at the time of this movie coming out, everybody thought it was his big return to making movies the way he did before. It was rated-R, it was coming out during the summer, and hell, it even had Marky Mark in the lead role, what could possibly not make a comeback occur?!?!? Well, let’s just say a whole lot did, but let’s start off fresh and just go by hitting the buttons with M. Night.

The problems they’re running through all goes back to the fact that he won’t become a vegan.

M. Night is a dude that loves his plots, his premises, and his twists, but one thing he does not seem to love so much is what gets him to his passion in the first-place: dialogue. No matter what flick you want to attack, you can’t help but notice that almost all of M. Night’s flicks have a problem with the dialogue, whether it be because nobody sounds like real human-beings, or that the people do sound like real human-beings, but just idiotic ones. Either way, take your pick and you’ll most likely find a little something to make fun of. However, here, you can find almost everything wrong with the dialogue.

Every piece of spoken-line dialogue in this movie is just god-awful, because M. Night does not have a single clue where to pin-point this movie towards. Sometimes it seems like he’s going for a drama; sometimes a comedy; sometimes a dark comedy; sometimes a horror movie; sometimes a thriller; and heck, sometimes even a “it’s so bad, it’s good” type of movie that you would have probably seen in the 50′s, had it been done by Ed Wood or someone of that nature. The guy loses himself, just as much as he loses these “characters”, and during it all; we’re lost and left without a clue as to what to think of this movie. Is it supposed to be serious? Or, just or, is it supposed to be a slightly off-kilter movie that likes to throw in some laughs, along with the terror and dread? We never find those answers, and after awhile; you’ll probably just give up looking for them. They aren’t worth it, especially when you have so much promise like this just thrown to the ground, in hopes that someone will pick it back up.

Problem is, nobody does. Not the actors, nor M. Night himself. Even he seems at a bit of a loss for what to make of this material. The explanation he comes up with for this whole movie/epidemic inside of it, is that it was all caused by the plants. But why did the plants release some sort of toxin into the sky? Oh well, because we, as humans, are threatening our world and make the plants/trees/nature/etc. feel as if they are constantly at a fight so rather than just giving up and dying as we celebrate with our Cadillacs and light-bulbs, they decided to fight back and show us a bit of a warning to fuck our lives up. Yep, that’s right, in case you couldn’t tell where that idea was going, it was actually M. Night himself trying to go for it all by giving us some food-for-thought about our environment, and give us a spin on the whole global warming aspect of today’s economy. A bit risky you might say? Yes, but does it work at all? Fuck no! It’s actually really stupid, and as much as I may agree with what M. Night has to say on some level, I’ll still can’t say I support his decision to be as preachy, as obvious, and as idiotic with his points as he was here.

But no need to fear, Mark Wahlberg’s in this movie and that dude barely ever touches a screenplay that’s shit, right? Well, back in 2008, along with this other “masterpiece”: that was all a bunch of cons and lies. Wahlberg plays Elliott, a high-school science teacher, which, in a way; sort of is a joke in and out of itself. Wahlberg does whatever the hell he can with this character, but the same old mannerisms that the dude has with all of his characters (and sometimes make them so memorable), are what kills him and his character.The guy rambles, talks to trees, acts scared, has a bunch of close-ups on him looking scared, and does nothing else but use that usual, high-pitched voice we all know and maybe, just maybe, love him for. I love him for all that he does, but here, I felt like the dude was really falling-apart and couldn’t help but go along with whatever the hell M. Night threw at him. Sometimes, I don’t think even he knew what the hell to expect, but hey: that’s him, not me. If only I was Marky Mark, though. If only.

"And remember, once you get home and all, make sure to say hello to ya motha's for me."

“And remember, once you get home and all, make sure to say hi to ya motha’s for me.”

However, Marky Mark looks like he’s about to win an Oscar for his work, compared to what Zooey Deschanel brought to the table. Deschanel plays his wife, who’s obviously a bit weird, unhappy, and confused about what she wants, but rather than being Summer, she’s trying to be like Jessica Tandy in a way. That shouldn’t quite matter if the actress who’s channeling that side of her skills, is supremely talented, but Zooey just isn’t. And if she is, well she didn’t show too much of that talent here because every line that came out of her mouth, felt forced and bored, as if Zooey only did this for the money, in hopes that she will one day have that one, big show that’s dedicated to just her, and her hipster-ways.

Oh wait, I think it has happened already. Shit.

Consensus: M. Night fans (I’m joking, right?) might appreciate the promise and the eeriness that stands behind most of the Happening, but for peeps who don’t much care for the guy, and want good stories, with reasonable acting, writing, and direction, will most likely be at a loss for words just by how shitty this movie truly is. Don’t even bother getting drunk or high for this neither, just don’t even bother.

0.5 / 10 = Crapola!!

“Shit, I thought M. said this was going to be a dark, domestic drama that teaches us the importance of family values and honor.”

0-0.5/10, 2000s, Movies 2008, Alan Ruck, Ashlyn Sanchez, Betty Buckley, Edward James Hyland, Frank Collison, Jeremy Strong, Joel de la Fuente, John Leguizamo, Jr., M. Night Shyamalan, Mark Wahlberg, Megan Mazaika, Movie, Movie Review, Movie Reviews, Movies, Robert Bailey, Robert Lenzi, Roberto Lombardi, Spencer Breslin, Stephen Singer, The Happening, Zooey Deschanel

← Older posts

RSS feed

Using pick-up lines on my dog is perfect practice for the real thing. She just looks at me confused and walks away looking for food or sleep 4 hours ago
I seriously cannot wait to listen to Ye's new album. Probably the next thing I'll be listening to for 3 months. Even if it sucks. 16 hours ago
@ryan_fernand Neither did I, but a lot of others thought he was boring and probably would have been better with Depp or Downey in it. 18 hours ago
@CTCMRdotCOM Cannot wait to read this! I've been waiting for you to check this out for awhile (a week). Glad to see you liked it. 20 hours ago
@Teflon_Don18 Gonna have to turn my subtitles on for this. 20 hours ago
@ryan_fernand That's what I said, even though people will probably be arguing against the second product. 20 hours ago

	nediunedited on Say Anything… (1989…
	Java Girl on Say Anything… (1989…
	Whit's Movie Reviews on Say Anything… (1989…
	CMrok93 on Man of Steel (2013)
	CMrok93 on Man of Steel (2013)

Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

Say Anything… (1989)

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Much Ado About Nothing (2013)

V/H/S/2 (2013)

Man of Steel (2013)

Sucker Punch (2011)

This Is the End (2013)

Marie Antoinette (2006)

The Kings of Summer (2013)

The East (2013)

The Internship (2013)

The Purge (2013)

Sound of My Voice (2012)

Behind the Candelabra (2013)

Epic (2013)

Now You See Me (2013)

Shadow Dancer (2013)

After Earth (2013)

Before Midnight (2013)

The Happening (2008)

Search It Up

Categories

Email Subscription

Other Places To Follow Dan the Man’s Movie Reviews

Like DTMMR On Facebook!

Twitter Updates

That RSS Thing You Do To Subscribe

LAMB #545

Blogroll

Top Posts

Past Reviews

Comments

Highest Read

Our Sponsors

Blog Stats

Follow “Dan the Man's Movie Reviews”