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Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

All my aimless thoughts, ideas, and ramblings, all packed into one site!

Miami Vice (2006)


Three words: “Colin Farrell’s Mullet”.

Michael Mann directs this gritty adaptation of the popular 1980s television series of the same name that moves vice squad cops Ricardo Tubbs (Jamie Foxx) and Sonny Crockett (Colin Farrell) out of their pastel duds and into the new millennium. Attempting to identify the group behind a recent string of murders, Tubbs and Crockett work undercover with a South Florida drug dealer. But in the process, the duo risks losing everything.

I was never a huge fan of the TV series because it was basically the 80’s and as we all know, anything from the 80’s is corny. However, I can easily say I had a better time watching that show than this shit.

The good thing about Miami Vice is that it is beautifully shot because Michael Mann always knows how to make some of the dirtiest places, beautiful and seem like Pink Floyd concerts with lights everywhere. Too bad that’s all the good I can really say about this one.

The main problem with this film was that it was just so slow with nothing happening, and a lot of gay montages that just made me want more action. Action that I didn’t really even get until the last 10 minutes, and even then it was totally bogus. The action scene at the end may be kind of cool because Mann always knows how to film an action scene but

There is no real plot here at all which disappointed the hell out of me because I was expecting some crazy twists, turns, guns, drugs, and cheesy music but instead didn’t really get any. These two go undercover and that is basically it. Nothing really will hold you over especially when you listen to this clunky-ass dialogue that didn’t do much for me, other than have me laugh my ass off. I mean how many times can people say things like; “dropping the load”, or “where’s the load at”, until they finally realize that it all just sounds incredibly silly. All I could keep thinking about is why are these dudes looking for a pair of crap at? Maybe I have a mind of a 5-year old but don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it either!

Don’t also have me forget the insanely shitty the “romance” angle here is too. I mean Farrell falls for this chick within about 5 minutes and there’s nothing really amazing about her that has us believe he’s in totally head-over-heals for her and when we do see these two together, it’s like a really cheesy soap opera that just has non-stop passionate making whoopie scenes. I’m telling you, if I saw another pair of people get in the shower, I was going to just go insane.

I thought well since the writing sucks, the plot is even worse, and I don’t really have my interest fully on the film, maybe the actors will keep me glued considering I like them both. This did not happen. Neither Jamie Foxx or Colin Farrell are really doing anything amazing here that makes us think, “Wow these guys are so damn cool”. When I watched these two I didn’t feel any sense of chemistry between them nor did I feel any actual emotions come from their characters anyway. All I really got was a bunch of mumbling and grunts from these two macho dudes. Also, somebody should have gotten Li Gong an English speaking teacher because she had me laughing at so many parts here.

Consensus: Michael Mann makes this film look beautiful, but looks aside, Miami Vice is a boring, badly performed, and poorly-scripted film that doesn’t really do much with it’s plot let alone the two great actors they have in their parts.

2.5/10=SomeOleBullShitt!!

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16 responses to “Miami Vice (2006)

  1. Steven Flores August 27, 2011 at 4:48 am

    Yeah, this is the kind of film that divides people and I too, am not a fan of this. With something like Miami Vice , you expect something that was like the show but it didn’t. There was no humor to the film that irked me a lot. Plus, I’m not really a fan of Mann’s fascination with digital cinema which was much worse in Public Enemies. I like Gong Li but she really didn’t serve any purpose in this film. It’s really a terrible film with a few merits for its technicality and some good compositions but that’s it.

    • CMrok93 August 27, 2011 at 5:54 am

      Mann wants to do so many cool things with this film but it just ends up being terrible and takes away from the whole love and spirit of the original TV series. Thanks for the thoughts Steve!

  2. Alex August 27, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    People always bust my balls about this, but dude I LOVE this movie. Sure Farrell is bloated and a little too grunt-y (he famously left for rehab the day filming wrapped on this film), but I completely dig it.

    Part of the problem was that this was marketed as an action film, which it is not. It’s a police procedural with three very badass, but very brief, action sequences. In that regard, I think it succeeds.

    I’m not surprised you didn’t like it, many people don’t. But I can’t lie, the simplicity of this film’s ending, and they way it is scored perfectly to Mogwai’s Auto Rock, is utterly brilliant. Mainstream movies never end like this; there’s always some definitive conclusion, which has always struck me as odd, given that real life rarely ever offers definitive conclusions.

    I’m definitely in the minority here, but I love most all of Michael Mann’s movies (Ali included, for sure), and I unabashedly dig Miami Vice.

    • CMrok93 August 27, 2011 at 9:33 pm

      Ali, for me, just blew and this one is barely any better. I like Mann and I think he can really hit fire when he’s on his game, but here, something just did not playout right. I don’t know what it was, it just wasn’t good I have to say.

  3. CS August 27, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Finally someone else who agrees this film is awful. Most of the people I know love this film. Yes it looks nice but the plot is a mess. As I fan of the original series I was not looking for him to make the film campy by any means (the show only got campy in later seasons) but I at least expected a gripping story. Heck any of the stories from Season 1 of the show could have been adapted to feature length and still be more engaging than this.

    I also could not stand the fact that Farrell and Gong Li mumble through half of their lines.

  4. Jessica Reid August 27, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    There was definitely alot less action than you would expect in this film. Also I agree about the ridiculous love interest Colin Farrel’s character has…some cringeworthy stuff. Good review!

  5. fogsmoviereviews August 27, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    I haven’t seen it yet, tahnks precisely to reviews like this. Thanks for keeping me away from it Dan.

    Always love your opening lines man. I think this one is one of your best!! :D

  6. Outsider's Window August 28, 2011 at 12:38 am

    I actually loved Miami Vice, great review :-)

  7. Rodney Twelftree August 28, 2011 at 2:46 am

    I watched this on DVD a while back, and felt exactly the same way, man. This is/was a debacle. Some of the action was okay, but the writing and overall plot were hopelessly obtuse. Can’t say I enjoyed it, either.

    great review man.

    • CMrok93 August 28, 2011 at 6:44 am

      The rest of the film that doesn’t have any action, is just meaningless and really doesn’t do anything good for this film either. Thanks Rodney!

  8. Castor August 30, 2011 at 3:28 am

    Yea I found this incredibly boring myself. Just not one of Michael Mann’s best work.

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