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Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

All my aimless thoughts, ideas, and ramblings, all packed into one site!

Movie 43 (2013)


Not all celebrities are prudes. Only the ones with Oscars are.

The central story is about how a deranged writer (Dennis Quaid) forces a studio executive (Greg Kinnear) to make his movie. But before any moves actually take place on it, we get to see what the actual-product is as the writer reads it out to us and the executive. Basically, it’s just one dude’s shitty idea, all for us to see and cringe at. Yay!

Sketch-comedies never seem to work, that is, unless you just so happen to be drunk, horny, wild, and ready for a good-time. However, I don’t think it will matter if you’re any of those things: you may never, ever enjoy this movie. Okay, maybe if you’re 12-years-old, and love to hear the word “balls” in almost every sentence  then yes, you might just have a freakin’ ball with this thing. But if you are above that age-limit in anyway, shape, or form, this is going to be one cringe-inducing trip for you. Whether you like it or not. I’m going to guess your most likely to side with the latter.

Any movie can tell a ball, poop, or fart joke like it’s nobody’s business, but it’s all how you do it and literally; this film just cannot do it in the right way where you laugh, chuckle, or even get that they just made the joke. Almost every single skit in this movie has at least one use of the word “ball” or “shit” and it gets annoying, probably around the time the first skit kicks-in and you realize that you’re going to be tormented to the core of your stomach, with non-stop raunch jokes that do nothing. Apparently, everybody who ever worked on this movie, all thought that the idea of somebody having a certain bodily-fluid sprayed all-over-their-face was downright, hilarious and it’s a huge-shocker that it never dawned on any of these people that maybe, just maybe, the type of material that they are working with, just isn’t funny enough to suit a 6-to-7-minute sketch, let alone a whole movie full of ‘em.

"Today's lesson is, "How to NOT choose shitty movies like this".

“Today’s lesson is, “How to NOT choose shitty movies like this”.

And also, the idea of having a movie so chock-full of sketches where big-named stars just demean themselves to the lowest, common denominator, almost seems so old-school, it’s not even worth it paying the money to go out and seeing. I mean, you can probably go onto Funny or Die, College Humor, Cracked, or even YouTube for that matter, find big-celebrities, doing some crazy shite for laughs, and actually having there be; ACTUAL LAUGHS. Here, in this movie where it’s just one, long presentation of a bunch, you get probably one-or-two laughs and that is literally all because the jokes that they use in the film that are actually funny, were already used 100-times before in all of the trailers/commercials we have either seen or heard, 100 times before. Going out to see this movie is already a crime, but actually going out to pay for it, is like a freakin’ cardinal sin. Especially when you know that more-quality humor is laying right there for you, at your fingertips.

Even if the delivery is god-awful, at least some of the placement is okay. For instance, some skits actually seem to have some promise like the one where Robin (Justin Long) actually stands up for himself and gets involved with a Superhero speed-dating event, where other, actual superheroes show-up to mingle and hopefully, get laid. This idea seems like it’s planned to be a butt-load of fun, especially if that idea came from Joss Whedon, but sadly, it comes from the makers of this shit-pile and before you could say the word, “kryptonite”, the sketch has already lost itself in saying the word “bush” or “shit”, one way too many times. I mean, when you got Wonder Woman and Batman talking to each other about how they fucked and it never amounted to anything but Batman running-away and never calling again, you would expect non-stop hilarity, right? But nope, instead it’s all about having Robin still be played-out as the softer, gayer-one of the two and if you didn’t think that joke was over-played by now, trust me, just wait for the rest of the movie.

However, without the promise of an interesting-idea, most skits just fall from grace, right from the very start. The skit where Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott both find and capture a leprechaun (played by Gerard Butler, in CGI-form), in hopes to get some gold, starts off pretty bad. Apparently the director, Brett Ratner (in case you haven’t been surprised yet), thought that the idea of having a leprechaun spew-out a bunch of dirty words was funny enough to last a whole sketch, especially one where it seemed like it’s main actors would actually sparkle in. Sadly, they just don’t do anything for the sketch, or the movie itself and the way it all ends is so dark and savage-like, that it really left me with a bad-taste in my mouth, which is very shocking since the rest of the film just couldn’t. I want to spoil the ending of that sketch for you so you understand what I’m blabbering all about, but sadly, I am a critic and I have morals, people. But still, don’t see this movie because I won’t spoil it for you.

"No, I'M in this movie?!?!"

“No, I’M in this movie?!?!”

The idea of having all of these different stars being packed into one movie where all they do is completely raunchy and dirty shit (sometimes literally), may make them seem cool and on-the-edge, but in reality: it’s just a poor-decision. I guess it’s really strange to see heavyweights like Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman in a skit about a dude with balls on his neck, or a skit with Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts playing parents of a home-schooled kid that give him the full, high-school experience with sex, drugs, abuse and all, but it’s even stranger to see peeps like them actually stoop themselves so low as to actually make this material work. I don’t know if they knew this right from the initial script-read, but this is terrible-material they are working with here so instead of giving it their all and actually going to town with whatever energy or sense of purpose they can muster-up to make this work, they seem almost as if they forcing it out, almost like a kidney stone (and yes, it is THAT painful to watch). Nobody here really out-shines the other and probably the only person that really made me laugh and surprised the hell out of me from this whole cast was Will Sasso, who shows-up, does his thing, reminds us that he is still alive, and actually made me laugh. I was terribly and utterly surprised, but he was the real spectacle to see for me. Everybody else can suck my nut because I hated this shit, and I hated watching them try to act in it!

Consensus: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let the star-studded cast fool you, Movie 43 is one hell of a bombshell that begins on a lame-note and ends on an even-worse one that makes you feel like you’ve just been hit over-the-head with somebody’s foreign parts, and not in the fun, or pleasureful way, either. It’s the type of way that disturbs you and scars you for life. That is, until you see an equally as bad movie and that’s, going to be very hard to come by for some time I think.

1 / 10 = Crapola!!

Poor Gerard Butler. This is probably his worst movie to-date.

Poor Gerard Butler. This is probably his worst movie to-date.

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27 responses to “Movie 43 (2013)

  1. Jordan Rath January 28, 2013 at 5:38 am

    As a fellow movie critic, I am going to see this on Tuesday to see just how bad it really is. Must have been a hefty one-day-at-work paycheck for all of these actors/actresses.

  2. Steven Flores January 28, 2013 at 6:12 am

    Wow… Richard Roeper called this film the Citizen Kane of bad movies.

  3. Pingback: Movie 43 Review: Not Even With a Ten Foot Pole | Rorschach Reviews

  4. mettelray January 28, 2013 at 9:45 am

    I saw the trailer. It was enough. I can’t believe so many great names took part of this!?!?!? Why!?!? My entire “Downfall of comedies” post would have a lot more to say if I’d see this but I will never will. Not even when I’m drunk as ****, I wouldn’t watch it!

  5. ckckred January 28, 2013 at 11:56 am

    I can’t imagine this being good. The trailers looked pretty bad.

  6. Jaina January 28, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    And shit like this still gets made? Shock. SHOCKED!

  7. filmhipster January 28, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Yup, this is getting ripped apart by the critics. Gerard Butler’s worst role? Worse than even Gamer?

  8. georginaguthrie January 28, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Haha! Nice review – the film looks truly awful. Thanks for taking that bullet for us – I’m going to avoid at all costs!

  9. Natalie Stendall January 28, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Oh dear, this sounds bad! I hadn’t seen the trailer but was thinking about going to watch this as it seemed like a good cast. Sounds like that would have been a big mistake!

  10. Hypersonic55 January 28, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Spot on review man, warn the people of this impending doom and keep them away. I saw this film just before all the bad reviews hit and I was so ashamed of what I saw. It was just poor and pathetic attempts at humour. After I left the cinema I just wanted to tell everyone how bad the film was and I even stopped my sister from watching the film which I was proud of.

  11. Fogs' Movie Reviews January 28, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    LOL. I actually found a number of the skits to be funny. But I know I’m in the minority. Most people are destroying it, like this… :D

    Fun reading you excoriate it though Dan!

  12. Chris January 29, 2013 at 8:21 am

    Damn, I didn’t hate this quite like you did, lol. I wouldn’t say that I liked it, either, but… hell, I’m still not really sure what to make of it. Enough skits entertained me, or at least intrigued me enough with their absurdity to where I wouldn’t say that I disliked the movie, but I can definitely see where people are hating it, heh. It was… I don’t even know, haha. XP

  13. Nostra January 29, 2013 at 10:14 am

    I’m still going to check it out. The trailer had a few funny bits in it, so I’ll find out for myself. I am warned though! :)

  14. The Focused Filmographer January 30, 2013 at 3:36 am

    a new low in movies made. I was wondering what your thoughts were on this one. we def are on the same page on this one.

  15. Alex Withrow January 30, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    I’ve heard nothing but scathing remarks about this film. Sounds wholly disgraceful. Yikes.

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  17. Kimani Wilson-Hunte February 12, 2014 at 4:30 am

    The premise did seem promising, but in the end I kind of felt sorry for myself for having watched it.
    I felt it did have its moments but it ended up falling flat, especially in “Homeschooled,” “The Proposition,” and “Beezel.” Jason Sudeikis was very annoying in “Superhero Speed Dating,” and how was the “Machine Kids” commercial supposed to be even remotely funny? And is it just me, or did the “iBabe” sketch seem a little degrading to women? However, I do remember chuckling a little during “The Catch” and “Victory’s Glory;” and, in spite of your views, “Happy Birthday” was the only decent sketch I got a good laugh out of, maybe because of the payoff at the end. Overall, I’d give it a D-, for “Daringly Original Yet Painfully Executed.”

    Also, the “Alternate Cut” with the premise structured around three kids trying to find this movie on the internet was all that special.

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