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Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

All my aimless thoughts, ideas, and ramblings, all packed into one site!

Endless Love (2014)


Stupid teenagers. Just study, go to college, get a good job, settle down and shut up!

Jade Butterfield (Gabriella Wilde) is just another ordinary, simple teenager that suffered a tragedy when her older brother died. Since then, Jade has practically been a shut-in, devoting her life to the books, her studies, her family who clearly needs her and a future that she may hold at Brown. Sounds all good for this recent, high-school graduate, but there’s just one big problem: She doesn’t have any friends. Not a single one. That’s why when she begins to lock eyes with the brooding, brutish David Elliot (Alex Pettyfer), she decides to invite him to her grad-party and to also be her “summer fling”, for lack of a better term. Together, the two build a nice romance that’s built upon the summer bliss, however, her over-protective daddy (Bruce Greenwood) doesn’t want someone like David ruining his little girl’s bright future. This is when he starts to take matters into his own hands by not just having a detective look into this kid’s checkered-past, but also let him know that when it comes to his daughter, he’s the one who gets to say “yay”, or “nay”. Not him, dammit!

Apparently this is a remake of a 1981 film starring Brooke Shields, a movie that I not only didn’t even bother checking out, but didn’t even know about until I actually looked up information about what the hell this movie was about. Needless to say, I might just never check it out, all because after watching this, I don’t think I can handle another sappy, melodramatic tearjerker about teenagers falling in love ever again. Not now, not ever!

Wait till they find out they've been swimming in a vest-pool of leeches this whole entire time.

Wait till they find out they’ve been swimming in a vest-pool of leeches this whole entire time.

So yeah, I have a lot of problems with these types of movies, however, being a bit of a youngling myself, I find it somewhat easy to relate to these types of movies where I watch kids, who are a bit older than me, fall through the same steps that a younger-version of myself one went through. There’s the looks, the butterflies in the stomachs, the awkward first-dates, the even more awkward small-talk, the idea of falling in love and ultimately, the act of sex. I have, and I bet most of you out there have been through the same song and dance, and it doesn’t matter how many times you see it, it never seems to get old.

Which is why for the first 20 or so minutes of this movie, I have to say, I wasn’t too pissed-off. Sure, there were plenty of faults in which certain characters said and did dumb things that would never, ever happen in real-life, but I let it all slide-by because I actually enjoyed watching these two get to know another, hang-out and basically fall-in love. A bit contrived, sure, but Alex Pettyfer and Gabriella Wilde were at least fine enough together that I didn’t mind the more saccharine of this movie, as well as their performances.

Speaking of which, being that these two are both models, it only makes sense that we get to see plenty of scenes where they run-around, half-naked, smiling, being pretty and swapping plenty of spit. When all that the film is concerned with, is letting them do that, I can’t really rain on either of their parades. Wilde has the face of a woman that the camera can’t help but focus on just about every single second she’s is in a scene; and Pettyfer, though he’s proven to be used better in far more interesting-material, does what he can to show that the dude is not only a hunk that can with this shy, introverted gal over, but every other woman around him. Hell, even the lady who play’s Wilde’s character’s mom, Joely Richardson, looks like she wants to bang him half of the time!

But as soon as the romance between these two starts to get more and more serious, where other threads start to show up, the movie really gets ridiculous, but not in a fun kind of way either. You’d think that a movie where a house burns down, a zoo is broken into, a man is punched, two dads argue, people get arrested and restraining-orders are handed-out, would be the slightest bit of wacky, insane fun, right? Nope, this movie is just dull, uninteresting and plainly put, boring. The romance we began to fell in love with before, starts to get bogged-down by a bunch of people fighting and acting like jackasses over nothing, as well as more melodramatic moments where we see a bunch of characters looking and acting sad, all to the sweet tuneage of hip, cool indie-bands like the Bird and The Bee.

Why they would even bother putting anything from their wonderful discography into utter garbage like this, is totally beyond me. Sure there was a pretty penny to be made for it though, so I’ll give them that.

Mainly though, this movie’s problems just boil down to the fact that Jade’s daddy is a total, and complete dick, throughout the WHOLE, GODDAMN MOVIE. Once or twice would have been fine, but time and time again, the guy just seems like he’s about to break something if people don’t listen to him, or that somebody stole his lunch money. Either way, the guy never seems like he’s in a good-mood, and even when we do think there is the slightest redeeming-quality to him, that all gets shoved right out the door when we realize that maybe he’s not the perfect husband he proclaims to be. You can call that a spoiler if you want, but I don’t care!

"You're not going to be with my daughter, and you know why? Because I forget to shave today. That's why!"

“You’re not going to be with my daughter, and you know why? Because somebody else accidentally used my toothbrush today. That’s why!”

This movie sucks and what really ticks me off about it so much is that it probably gave me the first actual, “bad” performance I’ve ever seen from Bruce Greenwood, and he isn’t even really terrible to begin with. It’s just that his character is so thinly-written, so one-note and just so mean to everyone around him, without anybody ever standing-up for themselves and letting him know that they are sick and tired of his shit, you have to wonder just why it is that Greenwood even decided to take this character, work with him as long and as passionately as he seemed to, and just why exactly did he even agree to do this in the first place. Was it money the money? I don’t think so, because I sure as hell think that he’s still making plenty of moolah from not only showing up in the first Star Trek, but the second one as well. Or, was it because he was actually given the chance to work with a class-act like Robert Patrick? I’d like to think so, although the two only share one scene together and it might just be the most memorable, if only because they’re so good in general, that you look forward to seeing them clash heads once and for all. And when it finally does seem like the chance has finally come for them to look at each other square in the eyes, yell-out some insults at the other and just try to decide whose dick is bigger, nothing happens. Greenwood just hands Patrick a note, walks away, with Patrick looking at him in utter disgust/shock. And that’s about it.

What a freakin’ bummer, man!

Consensus: Hopelessly-in-love teenagers who want to spend a romantic night at the movies for Valentine’s Day may find themselves welling-up during and ready to make-out with their significant-other after watching Endless Love, but for those of us who may be single, may have standards when it comes to movies, or who knows a flaming pile of dog shit when they see one, will probably be glad they don’t have anyone to go back to for this special day, except for maybe the latest magazine of GQ or Maxim, depending on what your preferences are.

2 / 10 = Crapola!!

Wait till a crocodile comes up and snatches them both.

Wait till a crocodile comes up and snatches them both. Be even more awesome than the leeches.

Photo’s Credit to: IMDBColliderJobloComingSoon.net

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36 responses to “Endless Love (2014)

  1. cervifrank February 15, 2014 at 3:25 am

    Great review as usual. Loved the commentary, hilarious. These types of films do get tiresome due to their predictability but as you have presented it….they can be entertaining and fun to talk about. A fun read. Thanks.

  2. JustMeMike February 15, 2014 at 3:35 am

    Well I enoyed the review even if the film turned out to be a Bummer with a capital B.

    Thanks for helping me to make up my mind to NOT see this one. If you’re giving it just a 2 out of 10, that’s all the warning I need.I remember Bruce Greenwood from I, Robot, and don’t we all love a good villain. But as you say, this time around he’s Johnny one-note..

    It’s too bad. I was looking for a good Valentine’s Day release.

  3. Anna (Film Grimoire) February 15, 2014 at 3:39 am

    I would rather swim in a lake full of leeches than watch this. I really enjoyed reading your review because now I definitely don’t have to see this film!

  4. rozeminho February 15, 2014 at 3:48 am

    Nothing makes me happier than reading someone trash a crappy teen romance film, thanks for that :) That being said, when done right they’re pretty entertaining, because of that relatability factor you mentioned. The Spectacular Now springs to mind when thinking of a really good one XO

  5. rgagne February 15, 2014 at 3:50 am

    Awe come on guys, I was actually looking forward to this one! Dan, I enjoyed your review, loved all your extra comments you threw in.

  6. Tom February 15, 2014 at 5:38 am

    I knew we were in trouble with that RIDICULOUSLY overdramatic trailer. And the plot seems stupid. And the people look too perfect. And the teen-romance shit has run its course. And. . .yeah.

    Thanks for watching this so I don’t have to. Going to see this would be the only way my Valentine’s Day would have gotten any worse

  7. jjames36 February 15, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Sounds wretched, this. I shall stay away.

  8. liamdoesfilm February 15, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    Funny review :) one I shall happily miss out on!

  9. keith7198 February 15, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Well crap! I just knew I had found the first contender for Best Movie of 2014. Maybe not…

  10. Jim Turnbull February 15, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    Great review man – laughed my ass off! Sounds absolutely terrible. Have this in my review schedule, but might ‘accidentally’ overlook it and move onto something else.

  11. mikeyb @ screenkicker February 15, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    GQ or Maxim? You’re a much classier man than me. I’m going home to Filthy and Over 40

  12. Jackie February 15, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    Great review.
    Based on the trailers alone, it’s the type of movie I can’t help but be drawn to. At the same time, I’m weary of seeing it without finding something about the spoilers. Don’t want to go in and get blindsided by someone either dying, getting killed or whatever. I’m still recovering from “A Walk to Remember” for that reason.
    When he came onto the scene a couple years ago, Alex Pettyfer was being raved as “the next Robert Pattinson”… after two YA novel adaptations, “Magic Mike” was the only thing substantial he was in and his character arc bogged down (and in my view, that translates to “ruined”) an otherwise fantastic movie. Hopefully those in the target audience see this, enjoy him and he’ll get a couple more roles to get that ball rolling again.

  13. Consumed by Film February 15, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Forgot Endless Love, this one sounds like Endless Sap. Good review Dan, not a film on my radar!

    Adam.

  14. lauren February 15, 2014 at 10:32 pm

    Great review. I wasn’t impressed by the trailer so not suprised to hear its rubbish, and what is it with movie dads being so overprotective?

  15. ThoughtsFromTheBooth February 16, 2014 at 12:41 am

    Lol. Why did you see this movie dan? My theater has been packed with 13 year olds seeing in droves. Great review as always but I feel for your wallet man.

  16. Whit's Movie Reviews February 16, 2014 at 12:45 am

    Wow this looks awful. Sorry you had to suffer through it! I know I won’t be seeing this Nicholas Sparks-esque garbage. Great review though, man!

  17. Victor De Leon February 16, 2014 at 3:15 am

    Egads. Um. That’s all I’ve got. Egads,

  18. falcon760 February 16, 2014 at 4:49 am

    I agree with the opening premise of this review. Shut up teens! lol! Just kidding, don’t hurt me…

  19. chris2508 February 16, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    A really good and hilarious review. Yeah when I saw the trailer I immediately decided “no”.

  20. Lights Camera Reaction February 16, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    Do you think this will be the nail in the coffin that ends Pettyfer’s career?

  21. thycriticman February 17, 2014 at 3:55 am

    Looks horrible. I was actually quite glad when my girlfriend told me that she will be going to watch this with her sister and mom instead of me. It was music to my ears. Mostly considering that I do not care for the plot or any of the cast involved in this flick….

    • CMrok93 February 17, 2014 at 5:55 am

      I bet you stayed home and watched Die Hard or something, right? At least you should have to prove to her that you don’t need this sappy crap!

      • thycriticman February 17, 2014 at 6:01 am

        She has not gone yet, but I sure as hell will be watching something better when she does. On Valentines day, we watched Silver Linings Playbook, and that was worth far from sappy. Thankfully!

  22. Kim @ Tranquil Dreams February 20, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    Awesome review Dan! Although, I’d watch this for maybe Alex Pettyfer and I’ve learned that you and me have different tastes in romance flicks. I also know to not watch a movie JUST for one actor. Last time I did that, I wanted to scratch my eyes out. Plus, I only watch romance at home. Not worth paying so much to see something with no effects..haha! Still, if it hits crap territory, I’ll take my time before I check it out :)

  23. breannat1898 February 25, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    My friend and I went and saw it and well it just did nothing for us. We end up talking about how in romantic movies now there has to be cancer somewhere in it (her bro) and a car wreck (her). Anyways I knew it was kinda going to be a dud when they kept showing the same preview, but I was more upset with the fact that they had sex like literally after really knowing each other for a few hours.

  24. harmonov March 10, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    Man, you took one for the team by seeing this. A stronger man than I, you are.

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