Who’s being punished here: us or the criminals?
Former FBI agent Frank Castle (Ray Stevenson) still has not been able to get over the murders of his family. Therefore, he takes his anger and revenge out onto the streets where he continues to tally-up a vigilante record that makes every cop in the state of New York, jealous and on the look-out for any suspicious activity. The latest leader in suspicious activity occurring in NYC is Jigsaw (Dominic West), who used to have a pretty face that all the ladies used to love, but is now ruined, all thanks to THE PUNISHER!!
After 3 movies, and no success whatsoever with the box office or the critics, it seems that the Punisher character may have to be put to rest and left in the comics. Why? Well it’s simple: the guy’s just too goofy of a comic book hero. Actually, scratch that. He isn’t even a “hero”. He’s just a dude that goes around, killing people, in the name of what he believes is right. Oh, and it’s always bloody, gory, and not for the faint of heart. That means that these types of movies, are usually made for the older, R-rated crowd, so fuck the little kiddies who want to see shizz like this and that. This is the real shit, men! If you don’t like it, then back off and take your snobbery elsewhere!
Some of you may be a bit confused as to where the hell I was going with those last couple of sentences right there, but don’t be alarmed: I am too. What I’m trying to say is that this character is hard to adapt to the screen successfully for the sole-reason that the character itself has such a fan base that is so divided, it’s hard to really get the name or product out there. That’s why when a film like this comes around, it isn’t made for the New York Film Society or any other group as prestigious as that; it’s made for the bumbling idiots that like when people get their heads smashed in just for the sake of it. No, not psychos. But people who like to see it played out on film where nobody is harmed. I hope at least.
That’s why seeing a movie like this is so hard because being a critic that has a standard built-up after all of these years, it’s so damn hard to just drop it all down, and let a completely dumb movie like this take over. After awhile, I got used to it and it did, but that’s REALLY saying something. To say that this movie is stupid, would be the equivalent to patting it on the back and giving it a cookie for being a good boy. THIS MOVIE IS FREAKIN’ IDIOTIC! I kid you not!
If you don’t know this within the first five minutes, you might just be screwed for the rest of the hour and a half because this is as low on the totem-pole as you are going to get. The script is almost non-existent by how utterly dunce-like this is and makes every piece of dialogue seem like each one of these actors (talented ones, mind you) are just stretching their inner-souls to make something useful come out. Whoever wrote this movie, I feel bad for you and your career because this is like an IQ level of 48 and lower. I kid you not. It’s freakin’ stupid. That’s if you haven’t been able to tell by now.
However, you don’t see a movie about a vigilante that goes around, “punishing” people for the sake of revenge for a well-written script, with perfectly-rounded characters, and an emotional-arch. You want to see blood, guts, guns, bullets, violence, necks snapped, explosions, heads smashed in (like I said before), and campy-as-hell people getting their insides taken out. That’s the type of stuff you want to see and if that’s it: you’re gonna have a field day with this one. Can’t say that I didn’t have fun either, it’s just that this is one of those flicks that is sometimes so hard to get by with all of the terrible qualities, that the positive qualities that make it fun and exciting, really seem to fade away.
But taking this type of movie in as it is, you could do worse. Actually, A LOT WORSE. With a movie like this, you can’t expect much and expect to get much out of it. You just go in, get ready to see some people shot, stabbed, hacked-up, or murdered in any type of way, and expect to smile or go “oooooooohhhhh” by the end of it. Those are the types of people that this movie is made for, and even though I can’t say I’m one of them, I still do appreciate a nice, mass-slaying every once and awhile. Not always, but when it’s done in a fun, unadulterated-way, then I’m rarely ever disappointed.
Even though I’m a huge fan of Thomas Jane as the Punisher and in general, I still have to give some kudos to Ray Stevenson for at least giving Castle some snarl and edge to him that you didn’t really see quite as well last time. Granted, that movie was more concerned with painting Castle as a human-being that still struggled with the reality that everybody he practically knew has been massacred, but that’s not what this movie, or this version of Castle is about. Even when the movie does try to tackle themes and ideas like that, it fails miserably. Thankfully, Stevenson keeps his head above the water and it’s a shame that this guy doesn’t get more leading-roles his way.
Then, on the other side of the coin, you have Dominic West as Jigsaw, and god is this guy chewing the scenery! I mean, every single second he is on-screen, he sounds so ridiculous with his over-the-top, New Yarrrrk accent, and has the goofiest-look that I couldn’t even take seriously after awhile. I get why the guy looks the way he does and I understand why the comics made him that way, but for everybody in this movie to just sit-around him, and act normal as if he doesn’t look like a freakin’ cheap-o, Halloween mask I’d get if I was in a total rush for one before I got sloshed at my dorm room party. West is okay, but this material for him just blows and makes me wonder if he lost a bet, or was just trying to stretch his wings out a bit and get some mainstream exposure. Whatever the predicament was, I feel bad for him and everybody else in this flick that actually took the bait to work with this screenplay. Screenplay, in the sense that it’s just a bunch of words, thrown-together on a page with a bunch of scenes labeled; “Bam! Boom! Bop! Crash! Bang!”
Consensus: If you want a movie that’s going to satisfy your dramatic, and emotionally-powerful needs; then Punisher: War Zone is nowhere close to doing that. But if you want action, blood, gore, and cheesy one-liners, then you’ll be in-store for a bat-shit crazy time.
5 / 10 = Rental!!
Don’t worry people, he’s not John Carter of Mars, he’s just regular old John Carter of Earth. Lame.
The film tells the story of warweary, former military captain John Carter (Taylor Kitsch), who is inexplicably transported to Mars where he becomes reluctantly embroiled in a conflict of epic proportions amongst the inhabitants of the planet, including Tars Tarkas (Willem Dafoe) and the captivating Princess Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins). In a world on the brink of collapse, Carter rediscovers his humanity when he realizes that the survival of Barsoom and its people rests in his hands.
I have to admit that before I went to see this flick I was not that hyped up as much as others were. The trailers didn’t do much to excite me, I haven’t read any of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ pieces of work, and this just looked like the sci-fi version of ‘Prince of Persia’. Thankfully though, my expectations were met with some high glee that I was not expecting at all.
Director Andrew Stanton does a great job with his first live-action feature because he not only keeps to what made this story so damn influential in the first place, but also makes it work for people who aren’t that familiar with either. The film was made for over 250 million dollars and I can tell that every single piece of that moolah went right to the production design because this flick made Mars look like a pretty cool place to be rather than just a desolate planet. There are these cool solar-sailing ships that are constantly moving in and out of this flick and look really neat, the creature designs look very realistic as if John Carter is actually talking to a bunch of these four-handed aliens, the costumes are a slight mixture of old Rome-looking fashion mixed with some ‘Star Wars’ looks and they look pretty cool as well, and just about every bit of special effects work and seem like Stanton really put his heart and soul into getting us into this world of Mars.
Stanton also does a very good job at keeping this film fun, entertaining, and just exactly what a sci-fi blockbuster should be, epic. In the past couple of years the bar for sci-fi blockbusters have been set pretty high but I think that this one could very easily sit right up there close to the top because it doesn’t try to do much that isn’t different from what we’ve seen before, but with what they do do, it’s a whole lot of fun. There’s constant guns shooting, swords clanging against one another, fist fights happening out of nowhere, aerial battles in those cool solar-sailing ships, a very extreme arena scene where John Carter takes on two huge gorillas, and just a whole bunch of other sci-fi goodness that will surely make anyone, especially sci-fi lovers, just feel a total energy burst in their system. Basically, it’s a film that has fun with everything it’s given with its huge plot and it also has a nice sense of humor to work around with too which is always a plus in any flick.
The problem that this flick hits is that on the story front, there seems to be a little too much going on here for people to grasp onto right away. As soon as John Carter lands right on Mars, we are stuck with the conflicts between the warring races, the new planet and it’s technology, the princess being married to someone she doesn’t want to be married to, the alien species, and the whole fact that John Carter is trying to find a way back home to Earth. It’s definitely a lot to take in right off the bat and even when we find out what the master plan behind all of this conflict is, we are kind of left with that feeling of “we don’t know what the hell he’s talking about”.
When it comes to holding a film on his own, Taylor Kitsch seems like he can do it, but for some odd reason, he’s just not all that special here as John Carter. I will give Kitsch the benefit of the doubt and say that there are some scenes where he displays some wit and charm and looks very fit and in-shape for the role of this ruthless warrior that the film soon makes him out to be, however, he came across as wooden sometimes. I don’t know if it was Kitsch’s fault or if it was just the writing’s problems, but there were times where he just seemed like he was reading his lines with the flattest delivery I have ever heard and I was wondering if he was supposed to do this to show that he’s confused about what’s going on, or if Kitsch is pretty lame as an actor. The guy is appearing in two more big flicks this year so I guess those ones will answer my question but he’s pretty empty here as John Carter and that’s one of my biggest gripes with this flick.
As for the rest of the cast, they’re all pretty good too. Lynn Collins is very stunning but also pretty smart, hip, and sexy as Carter’s main love interest, Dejah Thoris, a new and cool princess that can actually stick up for herself rather than just standing there and let her boy do all of the ass-kicking; Mark Strong is good as Matai Shang, aka the evil angel that shows up and has complete control over anybody he wants to have it over; and Thomas Haden Church, Willem Dafoe, and Samantha Morton all do very good jobs as the CGI-covered Tharks and even though we can’t see their faces, we can still tell that they are putting every ounce of their skills into these performances, which also helps the great-looking animation of these characters too.
Consensus: John Carter has certain problems with its central performance from Kitsch and its over-abundance on plot, but what does work is the fact that Andrew Stanton has done nothing here but make a beautiful and stunning flick with a lot action, excitement, humor, and everything else that makes a sci-fi blockbuster work. I hope it gets all of its money back but that seems pretty far-fetched right now.
Had me totally convinced that I was born in the wrong century.
Retelling the ancient Battle of Thermopylae, it depicts the titanic clash in which King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and 300 Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) and his massive Persian army.
300 is the definitive 21st century guy movie. If you tell me that you watched 300, and didn’t automatically get inspired to hit the gym, and possibly a couple of people on the way, well then I will call you a huge liar. Or Persian.
This is adapted from Frank Miller’s graphic novel, which is also based off some actual true history right here. The film itself is directed by Zack Snyder, the guy who’s behind The Watchmen, Dawn of the Dead, and the new Superman film coming up and I must say that having seen this guy’s films he really does know how to make a film, as crazy and hectic as it may be, look beautiful. The visuals are outstanding, and the constant flairs of all these different colors hitting the screen, put you in this world where bloodshed is everywhere and only the strong will survive. This provides some beautiful shots, with some even better cinematography that seemed so hard to pull off, but somehow they did.
The one thing that some people may not actually see about this film is that it is about 40 minutes long, if it were to play in real-time. But instead Zack “Slow-Mo” Snyder makes almost every single action hit, stab, cut, kill, etc. it slow-motion which didn’t bother me at first, until I realized that almost everything is like this, and bothered me because I just felt like it was lazy directing to create a cooler look to the action.
However, despite that, I must say that the action is freakin’ awesome! Since this is a guy’s film you got non-stop shouting, bleeding, beheading, delimbing, swords going all over the place, shields being destroyed, and most of all you have those male-bonding scenes that may seem like a GLAAD parade with all these half-naked dudes in sweat and dirt, but as soon as you see the first action sequence that’s all off your mind, and you just wanna see some more people get thrashed to shreds. If you look away at one scene because this is too graphic for you, you are not a real man, I should know too (site name).
The script is full-on machismo with these one-dimensional caricatures talking like WWE wrestler’s. Honestly though, who cannot forget “THISSSS ISSS SPARTAAAA” or “Give them nothing! But take from them everything!!!!”. The dialogue may seem all a bit laughable, but in the end, the action just holds you over for good, and you will find you and your bros quoting this long after.
Gerard Butler is the freakin’ man as Leonidas, and perfectly captures that look and spirit that we image the Spartan warriors to have been. It’s just a shame that all he does is shit now, but we can always look back at the days when he was actually good. Lena Headey is also good as well as beautiful as his beautiful wife Gorgo. I also liked seeing Dennis Rodman as Xerxes. Oh…that wasn’t him…..could have had me fooled. It was also nice to see other stars in this such as Michael Fassbender, Dominic West, and David Wenham.
Consensus: Not to be taken too seriously, 300 is a more of an orgy of violence and gore, rather than an actual history document, but will entertain the hell out of all dudes, as well as provide plenty and I do mean plenty of beautiful visuals.
Those dudes with more make-up than my mom, sure do know how to rock!
Mark Wahlberg stars as Chris, a lead singer wannabe who gets to live his wildest dream when he’s whisked from anonymity to being front man for Steel Dragon, the enormously popular metal band he worships. Accompanied on tour by his girlfriend, Emily (Jennifer Aniston), Chris soon discovers life in the fast lane is not what he envisioned, and the relationships he holds dear are strained as his star rises.
The 80′s was a pretty silly decade now that people look back at it. The hair, the make-up, the new wave music, but most of all heavy metal music.
One of the biggest problems with this film is that it’s script doesn’t do anything new or original to the whole rock star film genre. There are moments upon moments where the cheesiest lines pop up, and I’m not going to lie, some of it actually had me cringing. Lines like: “I’m leaving and never turning back” and “If you follow your dreams, you can do it”, just had me wondering where they actually serious when they wrote this script.
Another problem with the script is that there’s no actual insight into this film and every character here just seems like another cliche for a film that had so many. By the end of the film there is this life lesson about becoming your own person, and taking a life that is yours just seemed really lame and contrived.
However, this movie is actually somewhat entertaining throughout. I have always liked that 80′s glam metal and there’s a lot of it with bands such as KISS, Mötley Crüe, Ted Nugent, and AC/DC appearing on this soundtrack and it added a lot more of a fun vibe to the film. There is also a good amount of humor within this film that will have you laughing and feel like you’re apart of the ride with these guys, partying, drinking, having sexy time, and most of all just living the life of a rock star.
Mark Wahlberg is one of my favorite actors because he can play that everyday man like no other, and his role as Chris Cole is no different. I like how Wahlberg is this happy-go-lucky, smiley kid that finally gets to live his dream, but slowly starts to see that he doesn’t want all this chaos, and becomes fed up. Wahlberg plays this all so well, and that pure charm that he has, is one of the main reasons why Cole is a guy we like. Jennifer Aniston is actually good in this role as Emily Poule and had me laughing with some of the things she said here. Timothy Spall was basically the man as Mats, and all of his scenes just had me laughing, mainly because of Spall’s delivery that gets me every time. Dominic West, Timothy Olyphant, and plenty others pop up and all do a pretty good job too.
Consensus: Rock Star doesn’t have that much insight into the world of heavy metal music from the 80′s, and not a very good script, but the solid acting jobs and fun pace, keep this film entertaining although predictable.