Glad we all died this year!
With the Mayan calendar ending in 2012, a large group of people must deal with natural disasters such as volcanic eruptions, typhoons and glaciers.
Director Roland Emmerich stated that this was going to be his last “disaster flick” and since he already did ones like Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, you can tell he needed to go out with a total bang. So you know what that means: more people dying, more destruction, more shit blowing-up, more corny one-liners, and more special effects to eat-up, and shit-out like an all-you-can-eat, Chinese buffet.
Everything I just described up there may make this seem like another piss-poor attempt at trying to just throw a bunch of dollhairs at the screen, in hopes that it will actually make most of it back, and then some, but it actually makes this film a lot of fun because Emmerich knows he isn’t trying to make some piece of “art”. It’s not one of those flicks that makes you think twice about the world we live in, what could happen, how it could happen, and nor is he trying to make a film that’s going to make a run for Best Picture. He’s just trying to make a movie where the Earth, the beautiful world we all love and live in, goes, “BOOM! CRASH! BANG! SPLAT!”, and everybody else suffers because of it. It’s pretty fun, and sometimes exciting to see what Emmerich puts into this type of destruction and the special effects look pretty good, for the most part. Other times, they look like something that came straight out of GTA: Apocalypse but you have to give this movie the benefit of the doubt: showing the world blow up in every which way possible, is a pretty hard thing to pull off. And it’s definitely something that Emmerich shows total joy and glee in doing-so.
Still, whenever the destruction wasn’t going down, this film tried it’s hardest to give us some melodrama that just didn’t work and made me laugh more than anything else. The screenplay is obviously terrible and of course, we get all the same old melodramatic speeches and corny-ass catch-phrases that show up here but what bothered me more about this writing was that it was way too predictable for my taste. The whole story about Cusack saving his family from every line of death imaginable is all good and fun to watch, but there’s so many coincidences here, that I wondered just how this guy didn’t break a leg, a hand, an wrist, a shoulder, a tibia, a collar-bone, or any type of bone in his body, for that matter. Hell, the guy actually drives a limo through a volcanic eruption and he barely even gets a scratch on his cheek, let alone, a scratch on the fine set of wheels he’s been trucking around this hell-whole full of destruction. I don’t want it to seem like I wanted to see the guy perish in the first earthquake, but I thought him, as well as plenty others, just got by without anything really bad happening to them whatsoever and it was a little too unrealistic and too obvious for me to really just let slide-by and act as if it’s not really happening in-front of my eyes. I know, I’m hating on a Roland Emmerich film for not being realistic, but I just couldn’t get my head past it.
Watching places like Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Yellowstone National Park get blown up into tiny little pieces and get sucked into the ocean is pretty cool to watch, but I could only imagine how a person would feel had they actually lived there. There was no mention or scenes showing Philadelphia being destroyed, but I would think that if they had, I would feel pretty sad about it because that’s my home and just the thought of everything around me, anything I ever knew, and every person I ever met, being killed instantly would put me in a total bummer of a mood. It also started to hurt me once Emmerich started showing all of Vatican City being thrashed up and made me think: why would you want to kill the Pope in a movie like this? I get it, it’s realistic that him and plenty of other holy people would die in catastrophic events like this, but really!?! Of all people to show being killed in the Apocalypse you’re going to show the Pope and all of his followers? Did you even need to show that, or could it just have been implied? Just bad taste, that’s all and a bit too extreme for a popcorn flick.
Also, why the hell did this film need to go on for 2 hours and 40 minutes. I like disaster movies, but not when they can take up about 3 hours of my life and have me practically wasting my day, wondering just what the hell I’m going to do with the rest of it. And if that was the case, I would just watch a double feature of Emmerich’s last two disaster flicks and find more enjoyment out of them both than this junk. It actually got to a point of where I started dozing off by the end when this film decided to go all The Poseidon Adventure on us and it just goes to show you, that once you run-out of ideas about destroying the whole world, just go back, and try stealing from other movies, because nobody’s going to notice. They’re already wasting their times to see your dumb-ass movie, so screw em! Not my thoughts, they’re Emmerich’s and the other Hollywood producers who help him put-out this crap.
The film has a pretty huge cast that works fine with what they are given, but are pretty much wasted on such a shit script like this one here. John Cusack is pretty freakin’ awesome as our central hero, Jackson Curtis, mainly because he doesn’t over-do it one bit. He doesn’t take this role too serious, nor does he ever really freak-out whenever it seems like he and his family are going to perish just like the 95% rest of the world already has. He plays it cool and still has that great comedic timing that we all know and love him for, back from his Peter Gabriel listening days. And also, it’s about freakin’ time that we gave more, heroic-roles like these to Cusack because the dude’s got that, every-day-kind-of-guy look to him, that makes you want to stand-up, pat him on the back, and just cheer him on until he can’t go on no more. Thanks Roland Emmerich! Even if the rest of your movie sucks, at least you have Cusack the shot he so rightfully deserves!
Danny Glover plays the President (as you would assume) and does a pretty good job bringing out some emotions in a guy that I feel like I would blame all of this bad shit on in the first place (don’t know why, but I would probably just be mad); Woody Harrelson has a nice cameo as Charlie Frost, the bearded and dirty hippy that knows all about the end of the world and loves spreading it all out on the airwaves; Chiwetel Ejiofor is fine as the scientist with a heart, Adrian Helmsley, but he also seems a little too good for this ass-like material; Oliver Platt plays his usual “dickhead” role as top government official, Carl Anheuser, and just oozes the corruption; and Amanda Peet and Thandie Newton just stand there and look scared the whole time. Pretty fine bit of casting as everybody here have proven in other flicks, that they are some heavy-hitters. However, when Roland Emmerich gets ahold of them, they have nothing to do other than ham it up like it’s nobody’s business. That’s exactly what they do here and although it may have made their banking-accounts a bit more filled, it made me a bit more ashamed to see them all stoop this low. Oh well, each and every one of them have done something better since then, so I can’t complain too much.
Consensus: 2012 may remind you how much the end of the world is going to suck with its constant explosions, endless use of special effects, and cheesy-ass writing, but also isn’t as thrilling as you would expect from the dude who did Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. And yes, despite them not either of them being, written-down masterpieces, this one still should have been as fun as them.
You thought illegal aliens were bad, what about actual aliens?!?
Six years ago a NASA space probe crashed to earth with a shipload of alien stowaways on board – in the time since, a massive section of the Mexico-US boarder has been fenced off and is now quarantined as an ‘infected zone’. Photojournalist Andrew (Scoot McNairy) is keen to get pictures of the creatures, but when he’s tasked with getting his boss’s daughter (Whitney Able) back to the US, a one-day trip turns into a surprising journey.
I have to give a lot of credit to director Gareth Edwards, who practically made this film for only $500,000 dollars and does a pretty damn good job with it. Actually, it’s probably a lot better than half of the big, studio flicks that come out every month and have about 20 times the budget and still can’t deliver. Take that Hollywood!
A huge problem with this flick that people may have here is that the title and premise has you thinking that you’re going to get plenty of alien action, filled with space ships, ray guns, universal translators, and all of that other crazy alien shit we see but that isn’t the case we have here. In fact, it’s more of an “Adults Only” sci-fi flick (not in that type of way you pervs) and is a lot more character-driven than you would expect, which was a nice touch here. It was sort of like we were joining these two peeps on the road trip from hell taking place in a future that isn’t as destructive as you would think with a whole bunch of aliens constantly running around, instead, it just looks like a wasteland that is still itching for order and control without Edwards ever shoving it in our face that something catastrophic happened here.
Edwards also did a great job of shooting on location, using actual locals that he would find off the streets for the parts, and add in the CGI later. It gave the film this real authenticity where it seems like everything is actually happening right in front of our eyes, and even though we all know it’s not real and this will probably never ever happen, it still feels like a snapshot of what our world could come to in the near future. I mean the whole film is one big metaphor for illegal immigration, so it sort of does make sense after all. Basically, give this Edwards guy a whole bunch of moolah and let him do whatever the hell he wants to do with it because the guy can deliver a lot more than certain directors out there like Roland Emmerich. However, I did like Anonymous, so I can’t knock on the guy too much.
For some odd reason though, as much as I liked and can give a lot of credit to Edwards for his low-budget film-making, I couldn’t help but feel that it took a lot away from the story as well. The obstacles that Edwards puts in here, weren’t enough to actually leave a mark on me, and yes, I did crave a lot more action than this film delivered with. I know, I know I should be shamed about this but I wanted more alien action and shenanigans because it would have really kept more of my interest when the film started to just really linger on and on with these two peeps walking, talking, and sometimes, running. Definitely don’t go into this expecting an Independence Day-like alien flick or else you’ll be left more pissed off than piss happy.
I also may seem like sort of a dick for talking ish about this other element of the flick, but I just have to go with it. I don’t know what it was here that bothered me but almost every time a CG helicopter came up in the flick, whether it was just roaming around or not, I was taken out of this film more and more. They seemed to pop-up in the sky almost every 15 minutes and looked so incredibly fake, whereas everything else was pretty realistic looking and fit well with the rest of the area. I don’t know what it was about these copters but they just seemed so goofy for this type of a serious story.
Because I bought most of the world that Edwards put us in, I actually bought a lot of the characters and feared for their safety as well. Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able are two people that I have never seen before in my life, but both do pretty good jobs of playing these two accidental tourists, Andrew and Samantha. McNairy is good in this a-hole role where he started to peel away his emotions, layer by layer, whereas Whitney, was also very good playing the vulnerable and scared girl role as well. Both had great chemistry together, which they should have because they’re a freakin’ married couple, and both should added a lot more to their scenes, where it’s just the two of them talking basically, a lot more than I expected. No other notable names, other than these two and that’s pretty much all we need.
Consensus: Though it’s not what every sci-fi movie aficionado would like, Monsters is still an impressive debut flick from Gareth Edwards who gives a very original movie with great chemistry between the leads, a story that you care for, and some impressive, low-budget special effects. Hope to see this guy more often!
So Romeo & Juliet were never real?!? WTF!??!
Who was Shakespeare? This Elizabethan drama imagines that the man we call the Bard really didn’t pen his body of timeless plays. The stages of London erupt in intrigue as the real author of the classics credited to Shakespeare comes to light.
Probably everybody who has ever heard of the idea that director Roland Emmerich (‘Godzilla’, ‘Independence Day‘, and plenty of other destruction-of-the-world films) would actually be taking the subject of William Shakespeare and the theories that he may have not written his own work. I know it sounds crazy but I think Emmerich is back in action.
The film is not really based on actual facts, but it’s more actually historical fiction that tells a story like plenty of other costume dramas. Hell, Shakespeare isn’t even really the main center of this film, he’s more just the dude that basically starts all of the shit-stirring in the first place.
I like this approach that Emmerich took because he actually kept me involved with the whole story, and his subtle touches of telling the story rather than just letting us know a major plot twist just by having one of the characters telling us. It’s a surprise that Emmerich can actually handle this subject matter and not over-do everything, but I guess after basically destroying the world one-by-one in every single one of his films, he realized that maybe he can just take it a little bit easy.
The script is very well-written because it not only shows how dirty and corrupt politics were back in the “Elizabethan” days, but also shows the connection that politics and arts have, maybe even being one and the same. Everybody was so against poetry and literature and to show how so many of these people could find relief and shelter with these two things was surely great because Emmerich obviously has a love for these work’s of Shakespeare and doesn’t let loose of that sight, even as the story gets more and more compelling. Almost every single costume drama seems like the same one before that, and this isn’t much different from plenty of others that we’ve seen before but the grand-spectacle that Emmerich brings to this subject matter is what made me really involved with this film.
Although it all went well with the writing and direction, I still felt myself having some problems with this film. The film is told in flash-backs which had me confused a lot throughout the whole film considering the fact that everybody still kind of looked the same from about the time their flashing back to, to the time they have the film take place in. There was also a lot of characters that we weren’t really told about until a conversation would come up and they would mention that persons name when they would be talking to him/her. This confused me much and sort of took me away from the film and how I followed it.
Another problem I ran into was the fact that this film is over 2 hours and 10 minutes long, which causes a problem considering the middle act begins to drag severely due to some sloppy soap-operaish things going down. When the film starts to dive into some territories like incest and bribery then it starts to feel a bit melodramatic but not as bad as I was expecting it to become.
There was a moment that comes up by the end of this film that feels like it should have been terribly tense and climactic, but instead something just wasn’t all that there for me to actually to feel like I was on the edge of my seat. I think it was the fact that the film takes so long going back-and-forth with its story that it doesn’t really bring out much tension when it came to its story in the present but regardless of this, I still liked where the film went. Basically I’m complaining about nothing.
Rhys Ifans has sort of been that dude on the side in a lot of comedies, just giving his little witty lines here and there, but he is terrific as De Vere. He gives it his all just about every scene and relies more on his serious and dramatic range, rather than his quirks and really has you root for this character because you know he’s a good man no matter what happens. Jamie Campbell Bower plays him as a young bull and is pretty lame considering that it’s obvious he struggles through a lot of his lines.
There have been so many Elizabeth’s over the years that it’s hard to choose who is the best but when it comes to playing a combo-meal of Elizabeth, you can’t get any better than Vanessa Redgrave and Joely Richardson, who are actual real-life mother and daughter. Both of them play their roles to perfection and give her this very sincere and realistic feel to Elizabeth, but still aren’t afraid to show the power they have over everybody around them. Redgrave is a lot more memorable but I think it was a real good choice having these two together was a real smart pick on Emerich’s part.
Rafe Spall is playing the man none other than William Shakespeare himself and is very funny as this drunken and sort of evil guy that just sinks into the fact that he is being hailed as “the greatest writer of all-time”. He brings a lot of fun to this role but honestly, what the hell were his parents thinking with that damn name? Sebastian Armesto plays Ben Jonson and is another weak-link because he for some odd reason, gives his character a deeper tone than it needed to be so he could sound more serious. It comes off as more hammy than actually realistic.
Consensus: Anonymous has its fair share of flaws, but also has some great qualities with some great performances, an interesting story that benefits from some smart theories, and has Roland Emmerich on top of his game doing something else other than just blowing up the world, one blockbuster at a time.
One weakness to a hit-man: alcohol.
After alcoholic hit man Frank (Ben Kingsley) botches an assignment, he leaves the Polish mob family he works for to clean up the mess and relocates to San Francisco, where he dries out, gets a job at a mortuary and falls in love with Laurel (Téa Leoni). But when a rival gang threatens the family, he returns to take care of business — with Laurel in tow.
For normal films, we always see the life and premise of a hit-man, as a very sad and depressing one, where he does nothing other than just kill people without any discontent. With this film, we get a totally new fresh take on that familiar piece, and it works a lot better.
The one problem with this film is that I wasn’t expecting so much as to what I got. I was looking for a nice dark comedy, on the world of the mob and hit men, but the film starts to dive into a romantic comedy type. I mean, the film centers on this love between Kingsley and Leoni, that by the end when the little mobster story-line comes in, its sort of random since they always kept focusing on their love.
But, for the 90 minutes or so, the film kept me entertained throughout. The comedy works very well, mostly cause it doesn’t poke too many jokes at this man’s alcoholism, or the fact that he kills people, instead it focuses more on the strange parts of life, that somehow always come to you faster, than you expect.
The film mostly works due to those performances from the cast. Kingsley is great with this dead-pan character, that almost at times, doesn’t even seem human, but that what makes him great. I mean this dude is going from Gandhi to killer mobster dude, how can he not be a little discombobulated. Téa Leoni gives one of those great performances, with her dude voice, gives one of the best performances of her career, showing enough charm and to actually make you believe she could fall in love with this dude. The supporting cast is good:
and last but not least……………………….
Bill Pullman, being a random deuche that is sort of just in the movie, well, for the sake of being in the movie. God this guy was in every movie: Casper, A League of Their Own, hell, he was even the president in Independence Day! Poor guy, need to see him back!
Consensus: You Kill Me does get a little lost, but is an enjoyable 90 minute film, with great performances from all of the cast, and a witty screenplay.