In space, no one can hear you yawn.

Officially, Apollo 17, launched December 17th, 1972, was the last manned mission to the moon. But a year later, in December of 1973, two American astronauts were sent on a secret mission to the moon funded by the US Department of Defense. What you are about to see is the actual footage which the astronauts captured on that mission.

I think it’s a pretty safe thing to say that the “found-footage” genre is starting to die and slow and very painful death. I love this type of genre no matter what really but it’s been so over-used lately and it almost seems like this is just a cheap attempt at a horror film for being a little bit scarier than the usual flicks we see. This is one of those films.

Right from the get-go, we are brought into a film that shows/tells us something but we don’t care at all because for about the first 30 minutes, I was bored out-of-my-mind. Nothing happens for the longest time and even when shit does start to hit the fan, we don’t care or don’t feel any type of suspense considering the whole time we were just watching a bunch of astronauts running around the Moon.

This film is such a bad “found-footage” flick that it can’t even stay within its own little boundaries. The shots and angles are entirely ridiculous to the point of where I felt like they did not have this type of equipment back in the day, let alone for people on a space-ship. The editing is also incredibly choppy where we never actually get a chance for the tension to just set in and instead the film just went from one camera to another, in order for it to feel like something was really going crazy with this film, when in reality it just didn’t matter one bit. Let’s also not forget that the film tries so hard to make this look like it was actual footage taken from 1972 with some terrible attempts at making the film seemed like it aged with scratches and little white-lines showing up. I felt like I was watching an MTV music video rather than an actual full-length flick.

What probably adds insult to injury with this film is that the ending is absolutely terrible and shows what this film was really trying hard to do and that is make us believe something that is totally and obviously not true by any stretch of the imagination. Just look at the plot and you can tell that there trying to pass this by as if this was a whole conspiracy theory from the past that we are just hearing about now, except it has a director, and not a very good one at that. If anybody watching this film believed a single-lick of what this film was trying to say then they definitely deserve to never ever watch movies again.

When it comes to the actual direction itself, I have to say that I thought it blew but the film still looked pretty. Director Gonzalo López-Gallego makes this film actually seem like it did take place on the moon with some really cool shots of what it would look like to be walking around its surface. However, when it comes to the best design of the moon, that award has to go to ‘Moon’, a film that was probably made for half of this one’s budget.

The actors in this film are fairly unknown but it still doesn’t matter because they all suck and acting and the characters they play are even worse too. We don’t really see them do much other than just get in their space-suits and walk around the earth, so when bad shit starts to happen to them real quick, I couldn’t care at all. It’s also hilarious when one of the guys get a little too crazy and then he just has this weird voice of his that he makes just so he can try and sound sinister, when in reality he just seems like he doesn’t know how to read his lines.

Consensus: Apollo 18 is boring beyond belief without any real thrills to hold you over, or any real sense of fun with this flick considering they try so hard to make it seem real, and in the end just seems like another cheap attempt on hitting big with the “found-footage” genre.

1/10=SomeOleBullShitt!!