Halloween Horror Movie Month: Piranha (2010)


This is the kind of horror I’m talking about. Fish that bite you to death.

When an earthquake tears open the bottom of Lake Havasu, schools of carnivorous piranhas are released from their underwater lair, and the lake turns into a bloody, frenzied death trap for unwitting water-goers.

This is one of those rare films that I really do wish I saw in 3-D and as well as in a packed theater, rather than an average sized screen TV with my two buds, because I would have been having the time of my life with this crap.

A lot of recent horror films don’t usually live up to their crazy premises and tries to pretend that the audience cares about plot or characters, but this one knows exactly what kind of shit-storm of craziness this is. Director Alexandre Aja doesn’t try to make any of this seem serious at all, which he shouldn’t because the whole time I was watching this, I just couldn’t believe anything that was actually happening, which is a good thing.

It also seemed like Aja was gunning for the heavy R-rating here and practically giving almost every guy who saw this film a woody. There are boobies just about everywhere, and when I mean everywhere, I mean, EVERYWHERE!!! Whether a chick is getting sliced in half, making out under the water, dancing, para sailing, or hell, just even standing there, the ladies always have to be naked. Trust me, this is no complaint but I mean this is practically soft-core porn at one point and if this film was aiming to make any guy watch this, horny as a priest, then it succeeded.

The boobies though aren’t even the most notable part of this movie, the gore is almost even worse. The whole film Aja is never really actually taking this film seriously, as he shouldn’t, but when it comes to these gruesome an gory deaths this film has, he does not back down with getting a little messy. You got these little fishies chewing people up all-over-the-place, with the exception of about 3 people, who actually die because of other random things that happen but the action is awesome and the constant use of blood and gore works so well, especially for the big “attack” scene that is still in my mind.

Although the film was fun, there were still some parts that bothered me. I didn’t like how slow it started off, and how it barely even led up to anything until the 30-minute mark when the film was already half-way over. I wouldn’t have minded this as much if one of the cheesy, and annoying stories didn’t constantly pop-up. The little romantic story between Steven R McQueen and Jessica Szohr is so remotely bad and poorly-acted, I couldn’t help but dread almost every time these two were on-screen together. It also didn’t make matters better when the film itself practically revolves around this which bothered me so much.

Another problem with this film is that despite it being pretty intentionally funny, I never actually find myself laughing at anything that was happen, as I do wish I could have. I mean the kills were cool to watch because all of the assholes that were being killed, were the tools you see on MTV during Spring Break every year, but nothing really had me laughing at it, except for maybe a couple of lines that I still don’t know if it was meant to be a joke or not.

The acting from this ensemble list of randoms is actually pretty good. Elizabeth Shue brings some straight-forward acting to her character as Sheriff Julie Forester; Ving Rhames is a bad-ass muthatrucka as Lieutenant Bishop Welleger; Christopher Lloyd is practically playing Doc Brown as Mr. Goodman; Richard Dreyfuss pops up for about 5 minutes for the beginning of the film to show us that this is practically a mini-sized remake/homage to Jaws; Adam Scott seems like he’s in a whole different other film; and Jerry O’Connell is so annoying as Derrick Jones, but he makes the best out of it and that’s some good stuff. The whole rest of the cast are basically filled with chicks that were just there to show their tits, which I have no real problem with in the first place.

Consensus: It could have been funnier and paced, however, Piranha 3-D made me realize that gore, blood, boobs, fish, and MTV tools all work out together well, no matter how campy the material may actually get.

6.5/10=Rental!!

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19 comments

  1. Without the boobs, this is a 1/10 movie. With the boobs, this is actually worth it ahha. I thought it should have been even more over-the-top trashy. Jerry O’Connell is so slimy it’s hilarious.

  2. I agree about this being best suited for seeing it in 3D in a packed theater. I wish I had been able to do that. It doesn’t translate very well to DVD viewings, but it still can be fun with some friends and beer at hand.

  3. Loved this. Completely silly, chock-full of boobs and gore, and doesn’t last too long either. NIce write up. I would generally say check out anything by Alexandre Aja. He’s not subtle, but he always delivers something worth seeing, in my opinion.

  4. I regret not seeing this in 3D in the theater. It’s so over-the-top, ridiculous and gory. What a hoot for horror fans to actually get a movie that delivers an old school 80s vibe. I’ll definitely be checking out the sequel in 3DD!

  5. Great review. I saw this one in a theater with the purposefully cheesy 3D and I had so much fun. This film’s greatest strength is that everyone in the cast and crew no exactly what type of film they are in. The only problem I had with the film was the little kids subplot. This was the type of the film where they wouldn’t kill off a child so these scenes just took away from the fun atmosphere that they built.

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