Getaway (2013)


Do as the title says. Yup, that’s all I got.

Retired race car driver Brent Magna (Ethan Hawke) comes back to a ransacked home on Christmas Day, without his wife anywhere in sight. He worries, he runs all over the place, and then, he gets a call. The man (Jon Voight) has yet to name himself, give us his reasoning for why he captured his wife, and what he plans on doing to her at the end, but has made it very clear that she will come out of this alive as long as Brent follows by his every instruction. First one being he has to get in a suped-up, sexy Mustang, and drive all around the country, and practically doing everything he’s told. For a short awhile, everything’s going to according to plan, Brent has come close to killing over 500 people in a span of 2 minutes, so that’s always good, but the plan sort of gets skewered once a young, punky teen (Selena Gomez) tries to take back the car that she feels is rightfully hers for one reason or another, and then becomes part of the plan. But is it all by mistake, or was it all part of the plan?

Frankly, the best way to answer that last question I just left dangling is: Who cares?!?! Not me, not you, and sure as hell nobody else involved with this movie does, save for maybe editor Ryan Dufrene who gives us one the most insane, most hectic editing-jobs I have seen in recent history, and I’m still trying to figure out whether or not that’s a good thing. See, the whole gimmick behind this whole movie isn’t that there is a gimmick, but moreso that it’s just exactly what its title and premise promises: An hour-and-a-half of Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez driving, trying to get out of harm’s way, his wife, and get yelled at by Jon Voight’s jowls. That’s all there is to this movie and if that’s what you want, then you might just be stuck somewhere between heaven and the peaceful afterlife.

"Waaaaaah! I'm sad!!! Pay attention to me like Justin did!!"
“Waaaaaah! I’m sad!!! Pay attention to me like Justin did!!”

However, if you want something that’s less like a trip into the mind of somebody with a heavy mixture ADD, OCD, and a slight dosage of paranoid schizophrenia, then you may just want to steer clear of this one. See what I did there? Gosh, I’ll tell ya! My jokes are just on fire today!

Anywho, my personal pats on the back aside, this movie is pretty damn stupid, yet, seeing that it is the end of August, and since practically all of the “quality” summer blockbusters are gone and never to be seen again, it shocked me no less. Still, there is something negative to be said about a movie that, within the first 10 minutes, shows a guy driving down all streets, alley-ways, parking-lots, and even parks in a city, going about 100 mph, and hitting absolutely no one. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of shit gets busted up, torn up, and absolutely destroyed, and also, don’t make me out to be some sort of sick fool who wants to see innocent people killed on the streets by another senseless act of a hit-and-run, but knowing that nobody’s going to be hit, or even slightly injured in the least bit, it totally gives you the feeling that you’re watching something straight out of an adrenaline-junkie’s dream, who just so has happened to see PG-13 movies his whole life.

Once again though, not saying that this material needed to be “upped” to an R, just so it could have been viewed at as better or even more thrilling, because I honestly don’t think much would have, but it’s just an idea that crossed my mind and realized the type of crap I got myself involved in, and couldn’t escape. I could have left and been a total dick, but I wasn’t, seeing as that I have a duty to do for all of you lovely, dedicated readers and followers out there. The things that people will do for their fans, the things that they’ll do.

But once again, I’m getting side-tracked and getting further and further away from the real fact behind this movie, and that’s just because there’s nothing really here worth talking about. Yes, it does have some moments where it’s inspired and takes you for a jumpy ride (that POV shot that lasts for a solid 5 minutes was pretty thrilling, although it was so late in the game it didn’t even matter how cool it was), but overall, it’s a pretty weak attempt at trying to be hip, fast and cool to the point of where all teens will feel the need, the need for speed that is. However, knowing that there have been way, WAY better summer blockbusters having to do with fast cars, fast situations, and fast girls (I guess this movie sort of has something that features that category), this one just pales in comparison and feels like a total hack-job from start to end.

Please crash and burn! Please!!!!
Please crash and burn! Please!!!!

And it all gets even worse once you realize that yes, Ethan Hawke did take this role, he accepted the chance to be in this movie, and yes, above all, he tries his damn near hardest to make his role, and ultimately, this movie work. Hawke, as much as I love the guy, he really goes balls-deep with this role and although I’d give him credit on any other given day for at least trying with a shit script like this, I do have to say he went a bit overboard here, almost making it seem like he didn’t realize that this was a paycheck gig and nothing more. But to place his talented-ass next to Selena Gomez, of all the other young, hip, and withit female actresses of today’s mainstream pop-culture, made me depressed. Hell, fuck that! It made me damn near-suicidal.

Not only can Gomez not act a day in her life, but every single scene that focuses on her and Hawke’s characters just interacting with one another and talking; I almost wanted to chop my ears off. The script is terrible, that much is true, but what makes it so terrible is how these two characters don’t have any chemistry whatsoever, and that’s not just judging from Hawke and Gomez’s performance, that’s just judging by the way the script makes these two out to be the most random, most odd duo ever put to screen. One second, they love the hell out of each other; next second, they’re fighting; then, the next second, they’re best friends trying to figure out what their next move is going to be (hopefully choose better scripts); and then the next second, yup, you guessed it, they’re back to bickering and yelling once again. It’s stupid to watch these two make no sense of their time to work together, and it’s only made even worse because you know Hawke is capable of so much more, with such better material. This just wasn’t it. Not even Jon Voight could walk away from this thing unscathed, even though we see his face for about 1 minute, whereas the rest of the flick just concerns his voice, his mouth, and whatever pieces of food he’s stuffing it with next. That’s all he has to do, and for that, he just steals the show right away from Gomez and Hawke. Not like he had to do much to begin with, but hey, at least somebody seemed like they were having a bit of fun here.

Consensus: Action-junkies may get their daily fix with Getaway, considering more than half of it’s running-time is dedicated strictly to racing, spills, crashes, and engines revving, but after awhile, it grows stale, tired, repetitive and begins to make you notice all of the rest of the bad decisions the movie went with, like teaming together Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez together and have them do nothing but be annoyed of the other, and annoy us in the process.

2.5 / 10 = Crapola!!

There he is! Savor this moment, people. It only lasts for 25 seconds longer.
There he is! Savor this moment, people. It only lasts 25 seconds longer.

Photos Credit to: IMDBColliderJobloComingSoon.net

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29 comments

  1. When I first saw the trailer for this movie and saw Ethan Hawke, I was like okay. Then I saw Selena Gomez and I was like NOPE. I knew right away it was going to be garbage. I was never going to see this movie, but I appreciate the sacrifice you made by seeing this movie and then letting us know what it was like. I’ve watched some pretty bad movies since I started blogging and I know the sacrifices that we movie-reviewers take. Your sacrifice will not be in vain! Nice review bud.

  2. Yeah buddy, kudos to you for sitting through this one. I went on RT the night it opened and saw that it was receiving literally no positive reviews whatsoever so I made a decision right then and there to stay the f**k away from this. I haven’t liked Ethan Hawke’s previous two role choices. Okay, well. . . excluding Before Midnight. I was thinking of The Purge as well as being really lame. Starting to question his career decision-making abilities

  3. So all the Disney kid actors have grown up and are finally trying to take it mainstream. Well, for some it’s going to work and for other’s like Miley Cyrus and this girl I’m not so sure, Justin Bieber, really??? Anyway, thanks for the heads up, DVD this one for sure

  4. […] Directed by Jan de Bont, Speed is fast, intelligent and well-acted. It is arguably his best effort to date, and likely the best he might ever put out. His direction takes full advantage of the chaos one might expect to be present in a story that pits the good guys against a determined and well-prepared villain (played by none other than Dennis Hopper — we miss you, Dennis). On one level, there’s the terror that comes along with blasting down busy roads at 50-plus-miles an hour; on the next, the bomber can see everything that is going on, and part of the trick of his game is that if he sees anyone escaping the situation he’ll blow the bus by remote detonation. The third  level is a little more psychological. Even though the motivation for Howard Payne (Hopper)’s plan isn’t the most unique — as a former member of the L.A.P.D. himself, all Payne wanted was his retirement benefits. The more Jack Traven (Reeves) deals with the situation and with the man behind it, he realizes how intelligent his rival is, and that he knows the ins-and-outs of the city as well as anyone. Not to mention, he’s simply nuts. . . principally the reason he was let go from the force. Given all of this, the film possesses a rare level of excitement that a great many films seem to not bother investing the time into developing. (Are you listening, Getaway?) […]

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