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Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

All my aimless thoughts, ideas, and ramblings, all packed into one site!

Blended (2014)


Adam Sandler, do everyone else in the world a favor and keep your movies in America. Don’t bring your stink to Africa.

After Jim (Adam Sandler) and Lauren (Drew Barrymore) participate in one of the worst blind dates known to man, they hope to never see one another again. That is, until both them and their kids end up staying at the same vacation resort, in the same country: Africa. Through a convoluted series of unfortunate events, they both have to stay in the same suit, sit at the same table, and practically, can’t avoid either of each other, so they just decide to be as civil as they possibly can with one another. However, when you have somebody as scrumpy, lazy and inappropriate as Jim, and somebody as neat, prissy and up-tight as Lauren, things don’t always go as civil as originally planned. Especially when you throw CGI zebras, giraffes, and rhinos in there! Oh my!

By now, in the 21st Century, I think it’s pretty easy to assume that anything Adam Sandler touches, will not be anything worth seeing. Yet, time and time again, people continue to see his movies, which, as a result, also gets him more money and “ideas” to do more films. Therefore, he gets more money and just never seems to stop making movies, with the same people behind and in front of the camera, same plot-lines, and ending it all with the same message about how “family is important, no matter what.”

It’s been the same tune Sandler’s been playing for the past decade, and though there’s been some changes here and there in the roles that he chooses, nothing since Punch-Drunk Love has really left an impression on anyone that doesn’t already love his idiotic-brand of comedy.

I think I see Jesse and Walt cooking back there.

I think I see Jesse and Walt cooking back there.

And don’t get me wrong, I do not hate Adam Sandler movies. Sure, the 90’s was his decade and definitely where most of my love and adoration comes for him, but for what it’s worth, the guy himself is still capable of making me laugh. It’s not that he’s lost his knack for comedy – it’s more that he’s just put it off to the side so that he can practically keep on doing the same thing, time and time again, while making a heep-load of money. Which, when you’re in Hollywood, I guess is your one and only objective, but it does do a killing to your reputation, which is why I think Sandler needs to start mixing things up, and quick!

However, everything I was about to just go on and on about, can be seen from my Grown Ups 2 review. Anything else that I need to say about Sandler and his career can be seen there. As for Blended, well, I guess I have to start somewhere by saying, yep, this movie’s crap.

But what’s separates this movie from the rest of the Sandler train-wrecks we’ve all come to know and despise, is that some of it made me chuckle. From what I gathered too, it’s because the movie itself is sort of a weird hybrid between a G-rated kids movie made for the whole family, yet, by the same token, has PG-13 gags about boners, rhinos humping, groping, and a whole lotta racism. In fact, this feels like the type of movie my dad would love the hell out of, despite not really caring for Sandler or anything that he does – it’s inappropriate in every way, yet, it still has the guts to make itself “a movie for the whole family”.

With that, the movie’s actually somewhat interesting, but not in the way that Jack & Jill or That’s My Boy, where everything that’s happening is so bizarre and outrageous, you can’t help but actually watch and see just what the hell happens next. Here, with Blended, it’s fun to dissect this movie because it’s never clear who this movie is for and why it’s even made. Clearly this is a movie for Sandler’s already-made audience full of people that, I assume, love drinking Heineken, driving their trucks onto to their porches, farting in public, and listening to Toby Keith, but it’s also a movie that seems like it was made so that Sandler and most of his crew could go take a vacation to Africa, hang out, spend a crap-load of money, and still somehow be able to make a movie, filming whatever they could come up with on that one day.

That’s the impression that mostly all of Sandler’s movies give off, but what’s weird here is that even though it takes place in Africa, I highly doubt that most of the crew actually went to Africa. We see a lot of leopards, zebras, giraffes, and rhinos (who are usually just humping, or getting humped), but they’re either cheap-looking CGI, or stock-footage. The only parts of Africa we do see is this highly extravagant, paradise-like resort that seems like it’s on another planet altogether, forget Africa, and the deserts, which could have easily been filmed out in Arizona or Nevada.

Either way, I hope that Sandler enjoyed his trip to Africa, cause I sure as hell didn’t enjoy his!

I know I keep on putting the focus on Sandler, but it’s really his fault these movies continue to be made and are as shitty as they are. But here, with Blended, not only does it seem like the movie doesn’t care whatsoever, but neither does he. I kid you not, there is one scene early on in the movie in which Sandler is insulted and decides to ignore the person he’s talking to by staring at the TV-screen up above him. However, when watching it, because Sandler seems so bored and dazed out of his mind, it just seems like the guy had a stroke and for some reason, just stared at the ceiling, leading it to be one of the most awkward scenes of the whole movie. And trust me, there are plenty more here where that came from.

What a waste of perfectly-ripped abs.

What a waste of perfectly-ripped abs.

Though you know what? Sandler deserves these shitty movies, because it seems like they are all he wants to do nowadays. But don’t bring Drew Barrymore into this! Cause, for what it’s worth, Barrymore does try here – maybe moreso than she should with this junk. Barrymore is pretty much doing the same thing here that she always does in her movies, which isn’t necessarily bad because she’s so charming, but does make me feel bad knowing that she’s really going for it all here. Much like Elizabeth Banks was doing in Walk of Shame: You can tell that the effort is there, but it’s just misused in a movie that doesn’t give a shit about her or anything she does. They just want her to fall down, act like a woman, be naggy, and eventually fall for the guy because of how much of a charmer he is.

But most of what this movie has going for it is that it’s the reunion between Sandler and Barrymore as co-stars which clearly transcends beautifully off the screen, than it does on the screen. However, if there is a saving grace to this movie, it’s that their chemistry is actually good and makes this movie slightly more entertaining than usual. Some of it seems improvised, and some of it doesn’t, but when you’re dealing with an Adam Sandler movie, you need anything you can get. And if that means watching two close-friends act like they’re besties, then sure, I’m all for it. Just keep me away from the poop-gags, please.

Consensus: Much thanks to the natural-feeling chemistry between Barrymore and Sandler, Blended isn’t as cringe-inducing as it should be, but it’s still not very funny, feels lazy, and doesn’t really seem to be for any audience in particular. Except for those who already love and adore Sandler and the carnage he brings to the screen.

2 / 10 = Crapola!!

"So uh, are things going well enough that you could team back up with me?"

“So uh, are things going well enough that you could team back up with me?”

Photo’s Credit to: IMDBComingSoon.net

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25 responses to “Blended (2014)

  1. yaykisspurr May 24, 2014 at 3:43 am

    Love Drew, wish she wasn’t such a Hollywood friend of Sandler. Love what you’re saying about Sandler’s career though, MIX IT UP ALREADY! We like the family focus but you can’t do it everytime. I really think he spun a globe and closed his eyes. When he opened them he screamed we’re going to Africa! Yeah! Cheers, you saw it so I don’t have to!

  2. The Cinemaniac May 24, 2014 at 3:45 am

    Just thought I’d let you know Africa’s a continent not a country. 😉 Good review though

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  3. ninvoid99 May 24, 2014 at 3:56 am

    I don’t think Sandler has the urge to mix it up since he wants to make money and make fools out of all of us. Plus, I don’t think you were harsh enough. The fact that there’s so much product placement in this trash and a lot of jokes that offends everything from gays to all sorts of races. It’s as if he is taking the piss on all of us and laughing about it because he thinks we’re fucking stupid. Well fuck him and fuck his bullshit! I hope he fucking dies!

  4. 55theintimidator55 May 24, 2014 at 4:54 am

    I knew this was going to suck. Barrymore’s movies never succeed well in the box office not to mention the trailers for this looked so dumb. Was it worse than Grown Ups 2?

  5. The Hot Rod May 24, 2014 at 6:05 am

    This might sound a bit harsh but Adam Sandler can fuck off and die. The sooner his influence on Hollywood is removed, the happier I’ll be. Ugh, this film, like all but two of his others, are horrid, insipid, blights on what defines cinema.

  6. liamdoesfilm May 24, 2014 at 10:05 am

    I used to enjoy Sandler and his humour, now I’ve grown up… Good review!

  7. Natasha May 24, 2014 at 10:43 am

    Ugh.. I really dislike Adam Sandler. He should stay out of my “country”. 😀
    Well done!

  8. stephen1001 May 24, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I was thinking, what was his tipping point? Was the Wedding Singer his last funny comedy? Being in high school in the 90s, I’m sure I’d still enjoy Billy Madison/Happy Gilmore/Wedding Singer but can’t think of one since then that I’ve seen. Tried to watch Jack & Jill on a plane, even there I couldn’t get through more than 10 minutes!

  9. Brittani May 24, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    I remember when I first saw the trailer for this, it looks SO awful and your review confirms it. I loved Sandler in the 90’s/early 2000’s, but he hasn’t had a legitimately funny movie out in a long time.

  10. mikeladano May 24, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    I think I gave up on Sandler about 5 years ago. I grew up but he didn’t.

  11. jklmd2002 May 24, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    Didn’t think I would miss much in skipping this one and glad to see I didn’t. Thanks for suffering through this one for the rest of us Dan!

  12. Rachel May 24, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    I am sorry that you watched this. Grown Ups 2 is literally the worst film I’ve seen and I couldn’t imagine this being much better.

  13. Tom May 24, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    “Except for those who already love and adore Sandler and the carnage he brings to the screen.” hahah that line cracks me up dude. This basically summarizes my thoughts on the guy. You know I’ve been going through hell doing my Adam Sandler TBT this month, so. . you kind of know where I’m at on this. I won’t be seeing this. I want to keep my image of 50 First Dates relatively in tact. (As if that’s a great movie, or something.) Lol!

    Good review

  14. V May 25, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    Haha! Hilarious review. This one I shall keep far, far away from me.

  15. ckckred May 25, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    When will Sandler realize that making a movie does not mean a paid vacation? Nice review.

  16. Pass the Popcorn! May 25, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    After seeing the trailer for Blender, I knew it was going to be horribly bad. Adam Sandler needs to get his shit together and stop creating such awful movies. The last four movies he was in, I rated 1 out of 10! If he continues this way, he will be remembered as the Ed Wood of our generation.

    Dorian

  17. thomasjford May 26, 2014 at 7:27 am

    Adam Sandler in terrible movie shocker! I think he needs to retire

  18. alexraphael May 27, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    “As for Blended, well, I guess I have to start somewhere by saying, yep, this movie’s crap.”

    Ha!

  19. thycriticman May 28, 2014 at 1:21 am

    Damn. I knew it…but I did not want it to be true. I wanted this to be the film where he gets his mojo back and starts making good movies again. It appears that day will never come. I can already see Grown Ups 3 coming out in 2016. You know what…I remember liking “50 First Dates”. It may not be a critical darling but I was young…and it was fun. Looks like the third time isn’t the charm for these two…not hat trick here!

  20. Victor De Leon June 3, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    Sandler should just go away and Barrymore needs to re-evaluate her career. Ugh. I will steer clear, Dan. Thanks bro.

  21. Pingback: » Movie Review – Ever After: A Cinderella Story Fernby Films

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