Naughty, naughty cougars. Mee-ow.
English lit professor Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez) is going through a bit of a rough patch in her personal life. Not only has she recently broke-up with her philandering husband (John Corbett), but she can’t seem to get a grip on her young son (Ian Nelson), or what it is that he wants to do with his life. Not to mention that she isn’t quite attuned to the dating-world, seeing as how she’s been out of the game for quite some time. But that may all change now that 19-year-old Noah (Ryan Guzman) has moved in next door, although, it’s maybe not for the reasons she might have wanted. After feeling vulnerable and drunk, Claire has a hot, steamy and sweaty one night stand with Noah that she instantly regrets the next day. However, Noah can’t handle this kind of rejection, so, for some reason or another, he constantly torments Claire, her family and her job. But what starts off as a few minuscule threats, soon start to become quite serious, and almost life-altering, which leads Claire to take a gander into Noah’s mysterious past and realize that maybe she had sex with the wrong neighbor, let alone, the wrong person altogether.
Not long after Russell Crowe opened his dumb-ass mouth, many people wondered why exactly women don’t get the same kinds of roles as men. Is Hollywood misogynistic? Are there actually no good roles out there for women because they’re acting way younger than they actually are? Or, plain and simple, are there just no good roles for women?
Well, there’s no real answer to that, except that it is nice to see an actress like Jennifer Lopez not only playing up her age, but also doing so in a way that shows she’s willing to use it to her advantage. J’Lo has never been the world’s best actress that the world has to offer, but there’s something about the way she plays each and every role of hers where she has this sweet, calm and mild personality on the outside, but on the inside, something deep, dark and heavy is boiling from within her. Sure, you could say that a lot of this is pure convention from J’Lo and it’s what we’ve all come to expect from her, but it’s still fun to see, especially since she does it so well.
But that’s only getting away from the point that the Boy Next Door only barely allows for J’Lo to give in a great, meaningful performance, as much as it allows for the plot itself to get so wrapped-up in its own craziness that it’s hard to not want to join in on the fun that it’s clearly having with itself. Because yes, not only is it January, where the weather outside is, in most areas, chilly and filled with snow, but it’s also the time where most of the movies you’ll decide to see at the multiplexes with your friends and possibly even, family members, should not at all be taken seriously. This is something I’ve been preaching for the longest time, but that’s only because it’s true: January movies typically blow.
However, when you do get that rare occasion when the movie’s actually quite bad, but also at least enjoyable, then there’s something to talk about. Because with the Boy Next Door, sure, it’s corny, over-the-top, goofy, and rather balls-out bizarre-o in certain instances, but it seems like it knows it is. Well, for the most part. On some occasions, it feel as though director Rob Cohen knows what he’s been assigned to bring to the big screen, and rather than trying to show the everyday subtleties in human’s interactions with one another, mostly decides to bask in the pure imperfection of this material; he knows it’s junk that he’s working with, but it can be fun junk, if filmed in the right frame of mind.
Though, there’s a part of me that wants to believe that maybe Cohen himself called-out sick some days. Because while some of this, like I mentioned before, seems like it’s just going balls to the walls and enjoying it all, the rest of it does try desperately hard to be taken seriously, as if actual women from all over the world and going to stop banging their hot, younger neighbor, in the hopes that he won’t turn out to be a total whack job and terrorize them and their whole family. That the movie presents this in a negative light doesn’t matter, so much as it seems to take one stand on the situation so much that it doesn’t ever draw-out any sort of depth within the story, or the characters themselves.
Which, I’m not saying is what I wanted from this movie here, but it’s obvious that whoever was behind this thing, definitely wanted some bit of that, so if they’re going to expect me to expect it, then I might as well expect it, right? Kind of lost? Okay.
It goes like this – once Noah becomes a raging, hormonal-teenager over the fact that Claire doesn’t want to sleep with him any longer, this is the only reason made clear to us is why he’s freaking out so much in the first place. That, I was fine with. Kids are weird as is, but once you throw sex and rejection into there, then they get so out of whack, you’ll wonder just how the hell they managed to get through the first 18 or so years of their lives to begin with. However, the movie tops it all off with going into his checkered, clearly sketchy past that involves the death of his parents and some random hacking-jobs that are so out-of-this-world, that even in today’s society, where hacking seems to be an everyday occurrence, it’s a bit far-fetched. It’s not that I was pissed that they decided to dig deeper into this character, it’s that they didn’t do so in a way that seemed understandable, even by the movie’s standards.
Everything should have just been kept and made simple, crazy and wildly over-the-top. Which is to say, because of J’Lo and Ryan Guzman, this is what happens. Especially with Guzman, who not only seems like he walked right out of a Vanity Fair spread and onto the screen, but has this off-kilter presence about him that’s just plain weird. I don’t know if it works for the movie, or not, but all I can is that he seems to be relishing in this role handed to him and for me, a person who has never seen him before in my life, made me happy. I may never see him in another film again, but color me slightly impressed Ryan Guzman.
Consensus: Sometimes over-the-top and clearly loving it, and sometimes not, the Boy Next Door juggles around with its multiple identities, but can be so wild and wacky at times, that it’s hard to hold much of a serious problem against this movie that can’t be washed away with some fine liquor before watching it.
5 / 10 = Rental!!