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Dan the Man's Movie Reviews

All my aimless thoughts, ideas, and ramblings, all packed into one site!

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)


I have a feeling that Segways have already hit their peak.

After he stepped up to save the day from a bunch of terrorists, Paul Blart (Kevin James) now thinks of himself as one of the best mall cops out there today. However, it hasn’t all been pretty, with his wife divorcing him after six days, and his mom getting run over by a car. To make himself feel a bit prouder, he gets invited to be apart of the security offers’ convention all the way out in Las Vegas, where he’s more than likely to pick up with old friends and possibly even hone his craft just a bit more. But things, oddly enough, don’t go as planned with the trip as he would have liked. Turns out, there’s a bunch of criminals lurking around the premises that are stealing fancy pieces of artwork from the Wynn Hotel and it’s up to Paul Blart to save the day! However, he has to get past the fact that not many people take him seriously as an enforcer of the law, nor is he able to connect with his daughter (Raini Rodriguez), quite like he used to. Now with her being accepted to UCLA, there’s a lot more problems standing in the way of Blart to fully enjoy his vacation the way he deserves.

The honest question here is a simple one: Was the original Paul Blart all that good? Or, I guess a better question would be, “was the original Paul Blart all that bad as people had made it out to be?”. In my humble opinion, I don’t feel as if it was; sure, it was silly, stupid and like most other Happy Madison productions that feel as if they’re put together with Guerrilla glue, but it didn’t make me want to rake out my eyes, drink a fifth of vodka, drive home, and hope that I forget all about the travesty that I had just witnessed.

Whose the real cop here? Honestly.

Who is the real cop here? Honestly.

Not like Paul Blart 2, sort of made me feel.

I can’t be too harsh on this movie because there was a few instances in which I had a slight chuckle, but honestly, most of it seemed just like pity. There were occasions where the movie seemed to be trying so hard to be funny, in the most unimaginably way possibly, that there was a feeling within me that just wanted to let it tickle my feathers a slight bit. I didn’t want it to get the best of me and make it seem like I was actually what I was enjoying, but I did want to let it know that I didn’t hate each and every single second of it.

And it’s weird that I’m referring to a movie as “it”, but seriously, these movies are starting to feel like their own sort of breed. Nothing’s ever funny, nobody seems to be trying, and at the end of the day, everyone goes home, happy, and with plenty more cash in their bank-accounts. It’s a very sad and harsh reality to think of, but with Happy Madison and the movies they create, it’s too true to be as ridiculous as I make it out to be. If the movies were the slightest bit of entertaining, they’d be fine, but they hardly are – they’re just pitiful and depressing, two moods that should not be swirling around while watching supposed “comedies”.

This makes me all the sadder because even though I wasn’t expecting anything great from the sequel to Paul Blart, I was at least expecting James himself to help out with some of the laughs and make the proceedings a tad more watchable, but even he’s saddled with something terrible here, too. No longer is Paul Blart a sweet, cuddly and kind man that looks to help out others because he wants to, even if he does take his position a little too seriously – now, he’s just a self-righteous dick who’d much rather hope people knew the sort of skills he had driving a Segway, rather than how he saved a mall from being ran-down by terrorists. Though I am taking this a little too seriously myself, there’s some part of me that wishes the old Blart, and not this new, not-at-all improved a-hole that picks random fights with Peacocks for no other reason than to keep the slapstick crowd happy.

You're still the dude from Wizards of Waverly Place, bro. You ain't foolin' nobody.

You’re still the dude from Wizards of Waverly Place, bro. You ain’t foolin’ nobody.

Seriously, he provokes that animal all the way and it’s sickening to watch. It’s all CGI, don’t worry, but still, it’s the thought that somebody behind the screen thinks there’s actual humor involved with it that pisses me off.

 

Which is a shame because James is a talented and funny guy; that is, when he wants to be. Nowadays, he cares more about if he appeases Adam Sandler enough to where he fits in the right frame for what he imagines as “suitable”. But it’s an even bigger shame when you see the talented likes of Ana Gasteyer, Loni Love, Nicholas Turtrro, D.B. Woodside, and even more shocking, Neal McDonough get caught up in this shit of a storm. Though they all clearly seem to be game enough to get their money at day’s end, it’s still sad and hard to watch; most importantly, there’s a shouting-match between Blart and McDonough’s villainous character that’s going for the bizarre, but is not at all funny, just unnecessary.

Why do people continue to sign up for these movies? Is it because the pay’s good? Because nobody’s really asked to do much of anything? Or, is it just because they just don’t realize what they’re getting themselves into when they’re reading the script? A part of me wants to believe that for some odd reason, many recognizable names like the previously mentioned McDonough, Al Pacino, Bobby Cannavale, Harvey Keitel, and many others are just doing these movies because of a condition where they lose their consciences being able to tell them what’s a good idea, and what isn’t. Because if that doesn’t exist and just a case of me making stuff up, then I dread what’s next to come for Happy Madison movies.

Not because they suck as is (which they do), but because they’ll bring in people who don’t deserve it.

Consensus: While nobody was expecting greatness of any sort, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a lot worse than expected, and features the same type of overused, unfunny shtick that Happy Madison is used to producing.

2.5 / 10

Is the joke here the fanny-pack, or the tired Segway. I don't know which, nor do I care enough.

Is the joke here the fanny-pack, or the tired Segway. I don’t know which, nor do I care enough.

Photo’s Credit to: IMDB, AceShowbiz

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3 responses to “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)

  1. Rodney Twelftree August 5, 2015 at 3:03 am

    Fuck these stupid movies. Fuck Sandler, James and their ilk for making turds like this. And seriously, Dan, don’t you have better things to do with your time?

  2. The Celtic Predator August 7, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    Happy Madison productions is a ponzi scheme. #Alleged

  3. Rachel Wagner Smilingldsgirl August 11, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Not one laugh from me. Worst of all they stretch the non-funny jokes out so long like when he is fighting that bird. It’s not funny and it goes forever. Definitely my worst of the year.

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