It’s the universal day where you honor the woman who has literally done everything for you.
Mother’s Day is by far one of the more unappreciated holidays and around this time of the year, a few select women, as well as men, are going to experience all of the highs and lows that come with being a parent, or better yet, a mother. Sandy (Jennifer Aniston) is a divorcee who, when she’s not trying to raise her kids, now has to worry about her ex (Timothy Olyphant)’s new wife, who happens to be many, many years younger than he, or she is. Jesse (Kate Hudson) has a lovely kid and husband (Aasif Mandvi), although she hides them from her parents in fear of being judged and poked at, causing more issues and strife between them. Bradley (Jason Sudeikis) is basically taking over the mom role of his two daughters, now that his wife died in the war. Zack (Jack Whitehall) and Kristin (Britt Robertson) both have a baby, despite not being married and Zack’s issues with that. And a TV host (Julia Roberts), who sells mood-necklaces to women, also has a bit of a secret that may or may not ruin her career.
What the hell did I just watch? Seriously. Something is very clearly wrong with Mother’s Day in that it’s a comedy that’s not funny, a drama that’s not emotional, a feel-good family flick that’s neither pleasant, nor for the whole family, and a star-studded affair, in which nobody is able to do anything worthy of their time or talents.
In other words, Mother’s Day is a complete waste of time.
And that’s a bit of a shame, too, because for all the crap that director Garry Marshall gets for movies like New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day, there’s still something pleasant enough about them to where it’s fine that there’s a huge list of acclaimed names doing work way beyond their respect. Call them as bad as you want, I don’t leave those movies mad, annoyed, or confused as to what I just saw; they’re silly, but okay rom-coms that don’t change the movie world, but do what they need to do, and that’s entertain people.
This is why a movie like Mother’s Day is such a bad watch. It’s the kind of movie that wants to be fun for everyone involved, but is so lazy, so poorly put-together, and so boring, that you’ll wonder why Marshall or any of the cast-members even bothered. Did they not read the script? Or did they just see Marshall’s name, see the paycheck, and automatically assume that it’d just be a paycheck gig and they’d leave it at that?
I’m going to assume the latter, honestly.
And yes, a “paycheck gig” is exactly what Mother’s Day for the whole cast, but for some reason, it feels like this is by far the worst, most pathetic one they could find. Which isn’t to say that the cast doesn’t try here, because they do. Aniston, Hudson, and Sudeikis can’t help but be as entertaining and charming as possible, even if they’re working with some of the worst lines uttered I’ve heard in the longest time, but mostly everybody else falls apart with the straining dialogue.
Julia Roberts plays someone along the lines of Anna Wintour, cause she not only acts like her, but looks like her with that terrible wig, and it’s just a terrible performance. Roberts isn’t self-aware enough to pull off that kind of “ultra bitch” role perfectly, and she’s not all that funny enough to make some of her lines actually click with the audience. Basically, it just seems like her and Marshall have worked together so much now that they’re pals and will do everything together from now on, so why wouldn’t she show up here?
And yes, before you even ask, yes, Hector Elizondo does show up here and yes, he’s the brightest spot of the whole movie.
That said, something is just clearly up with this movie that I’m still trying to wrap my head around. The editing feels as if it was done by an actual blind person, where scenes start and end at the drop of a hat, and random people are focused on in shots that are supposed to be on the main characters. Though I’ve never worked in Hollywood, I bet you donuts to dollars that if they gave me the chance to edit this, I would have done a way better job than what ends up coming out here.
But then again, who knows how much of the editing played a role in the final product. After all, the script is so bad, with hardly any plots that are the least bit interesting, that there’s really nothing to hold it together. There’s a story of a comedian that’s terrible because the comedian himself is god awful and the movie acts as if he’s the next best thing since Steve Martin; there’s a story with Kate Hudson’s racist parents that are just so over-the-top and redneck-y that it makes me wonder how Hudson’s character even got out of the trailer park she apparently came from; and then, if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s a story in which Jennifer Aniston’s character can’t stop yelling and freaking out in public over her husband’s new wife. Yes, these plots may all sound relatable to real life, but honestly, watching them play out here makes it seem like the furthest thing.
Oh and it’s not even funny. Did I mention that already, though?
Consensus: Garry Marshall strikes again with a star-studded affair with Mother’s Day, but this time, the results are even worse than expected with a terrible script and pace that goes nowhere in its two-hour run-time.
2 / 10